Originally posted by Sinistral
MAN it shows how some of you REALLY haven’t dated.
It’s not my fault girls aren’t attracted to me. cries
Originally posted by Sinistral
MAN it shows how some of you REALLY haven’t dated.
I guess we all can’t be wild ladies men like you Sin.
That sucks, NB. I hope your family can get this all worked out n stuff. Good luck to you and your cousin. huggles
Well, a lot of it depends on what you’re raised to be used to. For instance, Cidolfas seems to be pretty comfortable with the idea of the quasi-arranged marriages of his community. Lots of other people living in cultures where arranged marriages are the norm are comfortable with the idea, and that’s one reason why the divorce rate is lower(another reason probably being that divorce is usually a stronger taboo in those cultures). On the other hand, to someone who was raised in mainstream America and ingrained with our cultural norms, the idea of arranged marriage is repulsive and antiquated. I have the feeling that Nightblade’s cousin, living in ever-changing world, was exposed to ideas and ways of living that her parents weren’t exposed to when they were younger.
I also think that marriage is an institution developed for the benefit of children. It goes counter to our biological past and inevitably it requires both people involved to make major emotional sacrifices.
Originally posted by Curtis
On the other hand, to someone who was raised in mainstream America and ingrained with our cultural norms, the idea of arranged marriage is repulsive and antiquated.
America is pretty obvious about its aversion to arranged marriages, and to the notion of relationships being dictated in general (ie “I will NOT let my parents tell me who to date!”). It is much less obvious what American cultural norms say about how relationships are supposed to form. Hence, my question a little further up in this thread:
So anyways, does anybody know what passes for matchmaking customs here in the US of A?
One could go on and on about the virtues of arranged marriages, and it wouldn’t make much difference to most Americans, given that the opinion is rather firmly in place.
I oppose arranged marriages; choice is what is important. I recognise that they are customary in other cultures, but I still feel that it is right to choose whom one marries.
And inasmuch as marriage may have been for many reasons other than love in ages past, I intend to marry for love.
>So anyways, does anybody know what passes for matchmaking customs here in the US of A?
Geez, it’s almost impossible to say. The only thing I can say pretty confidently is that people here tend to marry those who have the same level of education as themselves, though the higher you go the less it matters(most doctors and lawyers probably don’t marry others with graduate degrees).
You people really need to take a basic anthropology course and read some ethnographies on cultures that have arranged marriages. Guests of the Sheik mentions it, and it’s a good read anyhow. Part of anthropology is learning to think anthropologically, to not judge other cultures. In many cases, arranged marriages are a way of keeping the kinship intact. In others, arranged marriages are a way of keeping herds, the main economic means of survival, within the family. Now, ethnocentrically speaking, I do not totally approve of arranged marriages, but I have been raised in a society that stresses love and choosing your partner. And as a sidenote, Cid’s description almost sounded like a blind date, but with economic status involved in the criteria too. 
Now, I do have to wonder why NB’s cousin is being forced into an arranged marriage. No offense meant to her, but it could be a shotgun wedding. If you feel up to it, please disclose some information, NB.
Originally posted by Megaman984
[b]You people really need to take a basic anthropology course and read some ethnographies on cultures that have arranged marriages. Guests of the Sheik mentions it, and it’s a good read anyhow. Part of anthropology is learning to think anthropologically, to not judge other cultures. In many cases, arranged marriages are a way of keeping the kinship intact. In others, arranged marriages are a way of keeping herds, the main economic means of survival, within the family. Now, ethnocentrically speaking, I do not totally approve of arranged marriages, but I have been raised in a society that stresses love and choosing your partner. And as a sidenote, Cid’s description almost sounded like a blind date, but with economic status involved in the criteria too.Now, I do have to wonder why NB’s cousin is being forced into an arranged marriage. No offense meant to her, but it could be a shotgun wedding. If you feel up to it, please disclose some information, NB. [/b]
I took Cultural Anthropology this semester 984. And I DID read on arranged marriages. That’s why I didn’t bash or belittle them when I posted earlier.
That wasn’t really directed at you.
I really don’t have a clue why this is all happening, but apparently the groom is very educated and a lawyer. So probably her parents want her to marry because it’s the best for her?
Originally posted by Cidolfas
I can tell you this, though: Love is not a reason to get married. It’s a nice feeling and all, but when you’ve got two kids and two incomes, your moral and social values are far more important than birds tweeting when you look in your partner’s eyes. When you come right down to it, the fact that you fall for someone isn’t really a much better reason to marry them than the fact that the families want it to happen. That’s why arranged marriages (at least the ones I know of) work. Although some cultures (like India) do tend to treat marriages as family mergers, the ones I know of center more around people using their connections to find someone who’s as much to the liking of the other as possible, and letting them decide. It’s a lot less painful than hanging out at bars hoping to meet people.
Although I personally disagree with you, I can see where you are coming from. However I do not think that you should completely denounce love as a reason to get married. I think that it would be a lot better to spend the rest of your life with someone you actually cared for rather than a safety net, but that is just me.
Originally posted by Nightblade
I really don’t have a clue why this is all happening, but apparently the groom is very educated and a lawyer. So probably her parents want her to marry because it’s the best for her?
Ayuh. Sometimes education is no security in a relationship when say, certains feelings are. If you don’t mind me asking, is she upset because of the fact that her parents are choosing her groom (thus taking away her free will), or because she is content with her current boyfriend and doesn’t want to leave him?
And since she lives in Bangladesh…well I don’t really know the marriage customs there…is it common for arranged marriages to happen in that country?
Except for the fact that “love” and “caring for” isn’t the same thing at all. Love in the way it’s usually used means “I feel great around him/her and s/he is so great!”. It’s a very illogical feeling, and it can go away very quickly.
To expand a bit on the Jewish system, there are at least several weeks of dating before the marriage takes place. (No touching during the dates, though.) So the marriage doesn’t happen until the two people know quite a lot about each other. The dates are usually mostly conversation, and a lot comes out about the other person during that time. They can last eight hours long, too, especially if the two people are from different cities. O_o
Anyway, one more thing I wanted to mention. Note that cultures with arranged marriages are generally conservative. Also note that the more conservative the culture, the more people tend to be like each other. American pop culture stresses individuality, whereas these cultures generally stress being “normal” and fitting in. In that sort of case, there’s actually not all that much difference between one guy/girl and the next. 
So even if it’s a forced marriage, generally the feeling is “I’ll have to marry someone, so it might as well be him/her,” as long as the basic values are what you’re looking for anyway.
Of course this does point out an inherent flaw in the system - that people who aren’t “normal” tend to have a much harder time finding a spouse. But there’s no such thing as a perfect system, and there are actually far fewer people like that than you’d expect, depending on how broad the definition of “normal” is.
Originally posted by Megaman984
You people really need to take a basic anthropology course and read some ethnographies on cultures that have arranged marriages…Part of anthropology is learning to think anthropologically, to not judge other cultures.
I have taken a course in cultural anthropology and I recognise that in other cultures, notions of right and wrong are different from my own. Despite that, I hold the values and worldview which my culture has impressed upon me. I do not believe that my culture is somehow superior, but I live with what I was taught.
Bai. Come back soon. Arranged marriages can be good and bad depending the way you view it.
Originally posted by Cidolfas
Except for the fact that “love” and “caring for” isn’t the same thing at all. Love in the way it’s usually used means “I feel great around him/her and s/he is so great!”. It’s a very illogical feeling, and it can go away very quickly.
Hmm, seems you have a different definition of love than some of us then.
I’ll take this little opportunity to bring up something I thought was interesting while looking through a book that provided the definitions of words in philosophical context. For “emotion”, it stated that an emotion by definition involved a physiological change, like anger, fear, and anxiousness. There is no physiological condition that is associated with love, and love therefor is not an emotion. Love is a concept created by humans.
Originally posted by Evangelion
[b]And since she lives in Bangladesh…well I don’t really know the marriage customs there…is it common for arranged marriages to happen in that country? [/b]
Yeah, I guess you can say it’s common.
I talked to my cousin again, and she said she doesn’t want to get married yet for 2 reasons.
- She is not done her education (Studying law in university)
- She wants to be with her boyfriend.
Arranged marriages are bullshit if you ask me. And if she has a bf thats just wrong. Hope you can get it all worked out, Bro.
hugs Bro
Originally posted by demigod
Hmm, seems you have a different definition of love than some of us then.
Cidolfas is perhaps distinguishing between romantic love and love for a fellow human being, or brotherly love. Unfortunately, English uses the word ‘love’ to represent both without further explanation, although languages such as Classical Latin and Greek have clearly-defined words for both (romantic love: Greek eros, Latin amor vs. brotherly love: Greek agape, Latin caritas).