what rpg would jesus play?

i found this…entertaining, as i’m sure most of you will. the URL says it all. i put my favorite quotes below.



The player needs to know that there is one god, the God of the Bible, and that he would never send “bad guys.” He needs to know that magic, in real life, is a sin, and not used like in “Star Ocean”.


…you must eventually go against the church. The truth surfaces that the church is actually based on greed, lies, and hypocrisy. At one point, you must actually kill a high ranking religious official…The character Yuna has the power to mystically summon beasts (one of which resembles a devil). …Anyone who sits through this game will also notice that one of the women in the story (Lulu) is quite “well endowed”. Numerous cleavage shots are present. Later in the game there is a boss that wears nothing but a thong and a bra.


This game isn’t as bad as the “Zork” trilogy where the temptation of worldly and spiritual wisdom could really plant a seed of gnosticism in a child. But a child playing this game should be given a little talk. And, comparisons made to spiritual quests should be mentioned by the parent if the parent sees the chance.


“FF7’s” battle system is the usual RPG turn-based system, with a new twist; a timer, which decides who will attack next. This game is the most gripping, exciting game that I have ever played (taking over 50 hours to complete), and is arguably the best RPG to date, with more plot twists than any game I’ve played, movie I’ve watched, or book I’ve read. I…would recommend it only to strong Christians, who would not be influenced by many of the ideas presented.


Welcome to one of the most extraordinary RPGs of the twentieth century. Sexual references are mild, without the prostitution and homosexuality seen in small parts of “FF7”.


A character in the game, Vivi, is a “black mage,” using “black magic.” Some Christians may think this, as well as other magical themes, make the game occultic. There is very little sexual material, most of it between Zidane and the princess. Later on though, he proves that his care for her is more than an attraction to her body. One objection to this game is an underlying message that duty and obedience to the law are bad things


Sometimes there are games that have slight occultic undertones. However, “Xenogears” is one which throws out the true meaning of the Holy Spirit and creates a religion of it’s own. Not only this, but “Xenogears” seems to attack the Church as well. Squaresoft has been known for some wonderful titles (“Mystic Quest” and “Final Fantasy VII” were some of my favorites). ideas from the bible are twisted to appear evil…you cannot overlook the fact that the plot is utterly disturbing – to kill God.


Adult issues are presented in the game in a variety of ways. Some female characters are drawn in provocative styles with scanty clothing. There are also characters that get drunk and the occasional use of foul language. A player can go into a tavern and order alcohol for himself and others if he wishes and even get drunk himself.

and just for kicks:

Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball

From a Christian perspective, there are several issues with gambling and sexuality, especially since the game is likely to attract the attention of teens, regardless of its rating


“Grand Theft Auto 3” is not a game many Christians will be interested in. The third update in a series where crime is the focal point, it is assured a place in infamy thanks to its incredibly immoral gameplay.

Man, I’d love to see Jesus playing Pokemon…

Go Apostlemon!

I’m surprised that they put Xenogears in there…

Originally posted by LockeJV
[b]Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball

From a Christian perspective, there are several issues with gambling and sexuality, especially since the game is likely to attract the attention of teens, regardless of its rating

there was one boy at my school who brought an issue of gamepro with 2-3 pages devoted to this game.

he could not avert his gaze from said pages.

i kept telling him, “it’s just a frickin’ videogame magazine, man!” but he couldn’t stop staring…

i mean to say: this is too true…

He’d play Halo </Really stupid pun>

You’re all wrong, Jesus is an FPS kinda Lord.


Aw man, Epic beat me to it… :stuck_out_tongue:

The Lord also loves Bejeweled.

Alright, I think I’m out of relevent Penny Arcade Jesus comics.

Man, I gotta read all of Penny Arcade someday, I think.

:slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

What exactly is Bejeweled? I’ve never herd a game with that name

Originally posted by Gamer5389
What exactly is Bejeweled? I’ve never herd a game with that name

It’s a very addictive game you can find at www.shockwave.com, and probably elsewhere, too. I’ve played it, and it is addictive!

I’ve never really liked Penny Arcade that much. I should probably run away before an angry mob clobbers me to death for saying that.

Well, I never liked Bejeweled much. I much prefer Collapse.


From Quake 3
“I played hours of it before the Lord sincerely convicted me to the heart about the sinful nature of the game.”

By lord he means wife, and by sin she wasn’t getting any.

Some of those I can’t belive are on there.

Negative: This, unfortunately, is the reason that I have a bad taste in my mouth when I think about this game. I’m going to take a lot of heat for what I’m about to say, but I’m honestly disappointed in the spiritual content of WW. The Great Faeries somewhat resemble the Hindu goddess Shiva. Link gains the ability to “possess” certain objects and even a few specific people. resemble Every few minutes it’s “the gods this, and the gods that…”, the Windwaker contains “the power of the gods”, you get a certain ability from the wind god and the ability to travely quickly through cyclones from the cyclone god, and the Tower of the gods has the G in gods capitalized (yeah I know, it’s part of the name but still…), and the two sages when mentioned are said to be praying to the gods. The only redeeming thing from the entire gods issue is in one instance you have to kick the cyclone god’s butt (which I really enjoyed).

Apparently his god wants him to beat on other gods’ asses. His god is scary and violent…



EDIT: Waitaminute… MYSTIC QUEST is one of this guy’s favorite games. Well… uh… well… uh… EXPLODES