today i was thinking a bit. in modern society, it seems very clear that it is better to like someone for what is inside and not what is on the outside. i was thinking about why this is… and it seemed to me that the main reason this should be so is because the individual cannot easily go about changing his general appearence, while one can change his own personality, etc. however, it occurred to me that is indeed not easy to change the mental aspects of oneself.
first of all, physical appearence is made up generally by genes and environment (do you want to lift weights? do you want to be tan? do you want to be skinny? do you want to be “X”?). the environment aspect gives a great deal more choice. for instance, i dont lift weights because i enjoy being confused for an anorexic female. am almost fully conscious of this desire, so i avoid things that would make me appear as being otherwise.
however, when i think about it, i seem to have alot less choices in my personality. i cant really find a new personality nearly as easily as i could a new physical image. if i looked in the mirror and said “gee what kind of personality would be cool?” i would be totally insane. however, i can look in the mirror and say things like “wow, im fat i should lose weight!” or “wow, my hair would look better this way!” or “wow, i should go be tan!”. but again, this leads back to my personality, back to whether i care about how i look, whether i care about how other people think i look, whether i care about what other people think i care about…
human societies are directed by appearances and biases. In the real world, it doesn’t matter what you’re like. It’s what people think you’re like. Living life as oneself is a hard thing to do.
Living life as what someone else wants you to be will never get you anywhere. It’ll never give you real satisfaction. No one will ever be able to tell you who you are, probably not even yourself until you’ve grown enough as a person to experience the world and judge life for what you think it is.
Originally posted by Silhouette however, when i think about it, i seem to have alot less choices in my personality. i cant really find a new personality nearly as easily as i could a new physical image. if i looked in the mirror and said “gee what kind of personality would be cool?” i would be totally insane. however, i can look in the mirror and say things like “wow, im fat i should lose weight!” or “wow, my hair would look better this way!” or “wow, i should go be tan!”. but again, this leads back to my personality, back to whether i care about how i look, whether i care about how other people think i look, whether i care about what other people think i care about…
I have never managed to change my personality myself very much; I have been told that it is possible, but I do not have a clue how to effect such change. Thus far, my personality has just evolved, like other things which evolve, around the environment in which it is situated.
Part of the treatment for my social phobia will involve changing my personality ubdoubtedly.
You shouldn’t care much about how others percieve you (you should to an extent, but not many things), but you should worry about how you percieve you. If you’re not happy with yourself, you’re obviously not happy. Simple as that. And you should change it.
As for how you should worry about how others percieve you, you don’t want to live at the whims of others, but you don’t want people to get a different impression about you than they should.
People are superficial; you are, I am, we just are. It’s fucking human. Chances are, when you see an obese person, you think “They must not even care about themselves” before you probly think “I wonder if they have a condition”, and when you see an unkempt person, you’ll think “Shit, they need to fucking look in a mirror and fix themselves up” before you think “That poor guy probly doesn’t have the money for good clothes and the means for proper sanitation.”
Consequently, as we do that to others, others do that to us. So we should take certain measures to make sure no one gets the wrong impression. Being overweight isn’t bad, but I’m sure you know some people that are so fat, it’s dangerous to their health, and people that are so poorly kept that they probly aren’t aesthetically pleasing enough to be approached by people, or to even approach people.
So, while you can’t fix every problem that a person can see in you, you shouldn’t superficially give off a bad impression. Other than that, you should worry about how others percieve you in personality, because you just don’t wanna come off as caustic. That’s not hard though.
It’s definitely possible to change your personality to some degree. I’ve gone through two major changes in my life. But neither of those changes was “forced”… it just seemed to happen naturally. However, I’d be lying if I said that these changes were due to my own will. Rather, my environment changed, and I adapted to it.
I came across a great quote the other day:
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Live is about creating yourself.”
People will judge others based on both their physical appearances and their personalities. I don’t think it’s a big deal… some people you jive with, and others you just don’t. If someone doesn’t want to be around you because of the way you dress or act, then they aren’t really worth your time.
Like Kero, I’ve changed a lot myself and that changed occurred naturally. People don’t change the world, the world changes them. What people do in the world changes them.
A lot of personality changes also have to do with this funny thing called “maturing”. We are ever-changing beings that, as Kero said, adapt to new surroundings with astounding success.
Silhouette, as for what you said about liking someone on the inside instead of the outside, I think it has to be a combination of both. There’s a certain degree of satisfaction that most people need in order to be happy. That satisfaction, as with most aspects of life, change from person to person.
Anyway, I just had to butt in here, I’m actually right in the middle of an Interpersonal Communication class right now so I had to get a read on this. Hope you get un-confused soon Sil.
i myself am a bit biased towards personality i think, but am in no way anti-looks… i think good looks should be a bonus, not prerequisite, but im not sure how valid that is.
if i was stranded on a desert island, normally i would want to be with someone with a better personality, but you could also ask me when im horny and i might say otherwise.
I see you share my same values. Looks are a bonus yes, but they are by no means completely unnecessary. And as for your desert island scenario… uhhhh yeah, I think your mood would change your opinion :o
Originally posted by Merlin people change their world, not the other way around.
99.9% of individuals don’t. And anyway, I was talking about the effects one’s environment has on the creation of one’s way of perceiving and conceptualizing things.
Looks often hint at personality, unless the person is trying very hard to be someone else. How you dress, wear your hair etc. can show what you think looks good (or maybe that you don’t care at all what you look like), what your hobbies or interests are (sporty clothes and the like)… Of course we’re born with a face and all that, but different looks still look different on different people. Attitude changes appearance quite a lot.
Then again, looks can often be misleading.You can judge people in good ways and bad ways, but they’re always assumptions.It;s human nature, I guess to look at someone and immediatly have a sub consious opinion of them, it can’t be helped, but the difference is giving that person a chance to live up to your expectations or your dislike, to see if you’re correct.
As for personality changes, yes, the world around us changes.Anything can change us, although trying to do it offhand with no reason whatsoever is just making you a shadow of others and what you’re really not.Being put through difficult or life altering experiences, then your personality, train of thought and view of life can be changed quite a bit without you ever realizing it.People who often debate with themselves have a hard time finding their own persona making the aspect of finding their individuality an emotional battle.
I dunno, it’s kind of a fine line! I don’t necessarily chase after hot guys, per se! I think it’s an overall package deal. Personality, wit, humor, health…sometimes a person’s countenance just seems to appeal and you can never quite finger what it is, since it’s a combination of tons of wonderful qualities that just endear them to you.
But it’s always fun when the person that attracts you is handsome, too. winks secretly
Well yeah Fae, but then if you look at looks only, suddenly you’re screwede. “Going to bed with an angel and waking up with a demon.”
But some people are too focused on appearances. But as humans we are: IT’s how we judge a potential mate. A better looking mate is generally more likely to give birth to (or just give) healthy children and take care of them and the mate.
:o