thoughts on inter-personal relationships

I don’t think it’s reasonable to say that you’ll never change for anyone. That’s why marriages break up, because people have been indoctrinated on today’s “love me for who I am!!!” tagline that they’re not willing to compromise. What defines what or who you are? I have a propensity to have a messy room. Does that mean that having a messy room is “part of me”? Does that mean I shouldn’t change it because doing so would be traitorous to myself? Hell no.

I believe that most people do (or if they don’t, they should) go through life looking for ways to improve themselves, to become better people. Some people interpret “good” and “better” in different lights, of course. According to someone close to me, you should be “classy” to be good, and that’s something to aspire to. Many people agree. I don’t. Some people think being “successful” is good, and I’m more in tune with that.

Er… ramble meter reading 9.3…

To get back on topic, as it’s been said earlier, your environment influences you and vice versa. If you feel sloppy, you’ll dress sloppy. If you dress sloppy, generally you’ll feel sloppy. This has been clinically proven, it’s not hyperbole. But as for dressing and acting differently in different situations… it’s not necessarily a bad thing. When I go to a formal affair, I wouldn’t want to cling to my casual garments out of an idea that “that’s no me”. Likewise, I wouldn’t want to use high-falutin’ language when talking to people who wouldn’t appreciate it. That’s called being a “self-monitor” - someone who takes advantage and adapts to the situation.

The best self-monitor is someone who’s true to himself and knows himself, but is willing to make compromises when the situation requires it, as long as those compromises are reasonable. So you dress up to go to an interview or a job, you dress down to hang out with your friends. You’re serious around your teacher, you’re funny around your girlfriend. But you still keep your own sense of self and you wouldn’t do anything that goes against your morals. That’s a recipe for a life in which you’re happy and society’s happy with you.

Ramble meter reading… 8.2. Better, but I gotta start drinking coffee or something…

Cidolfas is quite right. Stubornness can easily ruin relationships. And love is a series of compromises. Really, if you really love the person you’re with, you’ll change for them. They may not ask you to change, but it happens. You just have to adapt in relationships. You will. You have to. It’s just part of relationships, expect to become a different person in one way or another. If you managed to get married without changing yourself, then you probly didn’t know the person long enough, or well, lordo, I don’t know HOW. You have to change. For better, or worse. Of course, it’s probly the people that you SHOULD be with that will have you change for the better.

It’s not so hard to change your personality if you can change your outlook. I think some people are more or less ‘dynamic’ than others. Some people’s views are set in stone, and others’ vary from day to day. My outlook has been volatile sometimes, and my personality definitely changed. It’s a matter of seeing the world in a different way, and then reacting to it.

I think you can see people’s personalities in their appearances. Having dull or bright eyes isn’t just a genetic phenomenon, any more than tending to frown or smile. A good personality doesn’t always mean good looks; but a better personality usually does result in better looks. Things like bright eyes and a smile are a part of beauty.

Personality and looks are both components of a relationship, and it’s pointless to ignore one or the other. You can suppress your feelings for a while, but it’s probably not worth it to do so for a lifetime.


word:) :o :victoly:

this is off-topic, but you seem to have stol…er, adapted to my typing style, silhouette.

Change comes from within. Always has, always will. If the environment has anything to do with it, it is to provide stressors that will “suggest” so to speak, what kind of changes are apropiate to the situation. But the environment does not change you, you mearly decide to make this change to beter suit your invironment. As for different situations… I relate the human personality to a finly cut diamond, one with a lot of facets. Each facet looks at the same center, but with a slightly different view in either angle of refreaction. This is the differences that occur when in different settings, ie class, party, home ect… each is a different facet of your personality.

When one thing changes, it changes everything. :eek: hey, I like that.

i type without capitalization and sparse punctuation late a lot i guess…

can i “adapt” to your avatar now?’

as for the topic, i totally agree, Jing. and while appearence can be a good indicator of personality, we do also need to be open to exceptions as everyone says.

I personally find that I stick to my routines living my life as a bit of a blur. When I got a good job (read: “Long Sleeve” “Collar” Shirt, Tie, leather shoes kinda gig) I found that I took a lot more pride in both my work and my apperance. I felt good when I dressed well. I can’t stand the clothes I used to wear now :stuck_out_tongue:

This has in turn changed many peoples opinion of me (Hopefully for the better!) and has really helped me perform at a higher level than I ever have before. While these are all “outside” changes, they are essential to maintaining a relationship with anyone. It is a fact that the first thing people know about you is your physical “impression”. This is not a bad thing in my opinion. There is a world of differance between the person who tries to look good in poor clothing (if he can not afford any) and those who dress well but a poorly cleaned.

Anyway, Im rambling and off-topic, so I will stop now :stuck_out_tongue: