Oh my gosh. Hilarious. I was reading this in my CAD class and people keep giving me looks as I try to control my laughter.
I enjoyed that one about the bears, especially, hence the avatar.
I fully support the idea of bears in schools. “Timmy, please stop punching the second graders, or you’re going to stand in the corner with the BEARS.”
That was their statement to the world: “Gaze upon our dick tower and despair.”
This one really cracked me up.
Exit, pursued by a bear.
According to several stoners I knew in highschool back in the day, whenever they see a bible they take a highlighter and flip right to the page that contains the verse “Thou shall smoke grass” and highlight it…
Also, Adam and Eve’s only children were two boys. Cain and Abel. Either they made the next generation with each other’s behinds, or perhaps they simply had incestuous relationships with their mother. Afterall, the “Family Values” movement was started by Dan Quayle. Whom is noted as famously saying “Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.” Oh well. Values and Hatred seem to go hand in hand…and that goes both ways.
Sources:
Stoner classmates
Bible
and
Originally Posted by THE BIBLE
[i]Finding a fresh jawbone of an ass, he grabbed it and struck down a thousand men. Then Samson said,“With an ass’s jawbone
I have made asses of them.
With an asses jawbone
I have killed a thousand men.”[/i]
I did not know that Chuck Norris has been around that long.
Mr. T > Chuck Norris
While I hold your opinions of Mr. T and Chuck Norris in question. The fact remains that neither Throwing Suckahs around or Drinking Milk (both regular and laced with sleeping drugs that when overdosed causes lactose intolerance kinds) involve the use of an Ass’s jawbone.
Though I will admit that I might have been wrong about Norris = Samson since Norris wouldn’t need an Ass’s Jawbone when he has his roundhouse kicks. It would most likely be Stallone who is in fact Samson as it would explain his speech and why he’s so short.
All internet memes suck.
Samson clearly wore the jawbone on his foot (look how it’s shaped), and “struck down” the Philistines with a flurry of roundhouse kicks.
Ah! I see now. The jawbone in this case is used very much like the spurs of a prehistoric Cowboy boot. Unfortunately, that theory only raises the question of what did he use for a Cowboy Hat?
I propose that Samson wore the ass’s skull as a cowboy helm. Perhaps the bones provided bone mail. There is little more intimidating than a full set of Donkey Armor.
They just aren’t put down at the end of their shelf life. Like that LOLCapcom or the ad of Huckabee(!) with Chuck Norris. Firt step, Chuck facts; Next step: In ceiling cat we trust. And then he’ll send his fave funny vids woo!
Yeah … some men are born badass, some men achieve badassery, and some have badassery thrust upon them.
I like the “Oh, I have a message from God for you. stab” one, myself.
Oh, cool, I didn’t know I was egyptian.
Haha, wow, that was great.
I honestly checked with my mom on the amount of truth in some of those. Everything checks out…I need to go read the Bible the whole way through.
I remember Eve giving birth to a girl after Abel was killed. Also, mentions of other people in general and Cain’s wife, although there was no indication where any of them came from.
Hahaha. That’s awesome, Ren.
“This suggest that ziggurats may be dangerous to your health.”