Yeah, but it doesn’t explain where the Aliens factor in. 
They burst out of your chest, duh
Man, the Old Testament is such a riot. Just don’t try to read all of Leviticus or Psalms at once.
I always get bored when I get to Numbers, then I just give up.
I was always a big fan of Nahum 3:4-6…
4 all because of the wanton lust of a harlot,
alluring, the mistress of sorceries,
who enslaved nations by her prostitution
and peoples by her witchcraft.
5 “I am against you,” declares the LORD Almighty.
"I will lift your skirts over your face.
I will show the nations your nakedness
and the kingdoms your shame.
6 I will pelt you with filth,
I will treat you with contempt
and make you a spectacle.
This is the word of the Lord. May this portion of text edify and encourage you as you go about your day. Amen.
I like how many of the Old Testament stories involve:
- God orders another group to beat the crap out of the Israelites for some reason or other.
- Said other group beats the crap out of the Israelites.
- Once the dust settles, God beats the crap out of the other group, essentially for obeying him.
The Old Testament God is like Zeus^2. He’s angry, jealous, biased, interventionist, and powerful in ways he actually <i>shows</i> on a regular basis. You’ve got to love him for being more human than Jesus, who’s supposed to be the “human” aspect of God that we were missing.
Great. Really, really funny. -__- Someone taking quotes out the Word and just, essentially, making fun of them so there can be countless threads spawned mocking the Bible.
Hilarious.
Very much so.
Actually, the Greek gods were Anthropomorphic (in the image of man), where as Jewish and later Christian dotrine asserts humans as Imagio Dei (in the image of God). So it’s actually more like Zues^(-1/10000000000)
Yeah pretty much, having a sense of humor is rad.
I can’t believe when you guys talk about Zeus you don’t think about his sexcapades.
Well, Zeus impregnated random virgins as a ray of light. The Judeo-Christian God impregnated random virgins and their cousins in their dreams, as the Holy Spirit (fire? dove?). The comparison stands!
Numbers is my favourite part. God tells the Israelites how to wage war.
And wasn’t it Zeus who turned his high priest into a woman to decide who had more enjoyable orgasms, women or men?
Or am I thinking of someone else?
Just emphasizing the lechery part, which is important to Zeus’ persona. It’s funny how he’s bossed around by Hera. edit:hey, Tower of Hera was the third dungeon in the SNES Zelda. Never connected the dots.
Cavel, paragraph no. 4.
Somebody just found out they didn’t have any Egyptian ancestry.
Could we say he’s in De Nile?
Yeah, sorry I’m not fond of something mocking my religion and only inspiring others to do the same. It seems counterproductive. Those who don’t know anything about the Bible just read this article, laugh about it and then consider the Bible antiquated and God as merciless based off of some guy looking over the text and making some disparaging commentary over it.
But yet most Christians have no qualms in mocking other beliefs or inspiring others to do the same. I’d say it’s ironic but it’s really not.
Personally I find it easier to just chill and not care what other people think, but you guys feel the need to get all up in everyone’s business about everything.