Granite! But they [STRIKE]have AIDS[/STRIKE] are poisonious and thorny to the touch. Some are evil too and empty out your guts from your body.
I wish I was witty.
You are suddenly sticken with a severe disease that completely immobilizes you, and makes you unable to speak a single word, or communicate in any way. Left with nothing better to do, while some rude nurse rolls you around your new hospital-home, you manage to come up with something witty to say in every single situation imaginable, and catalog all these witticisms waiting for the day when a cure is found. That day arrives, but during the operation [STRIKE]you get AIDS and die[/STRIKE] the doctor forgets what he is doing and leaves the sleeping gas on the entire time, killing you while your last thoughts are the witty phrase that you had planned for in this very situation.
I wish that my copper ring didn’t always bend under pressure and cut into my finger so horribly.
Your wish is granted, your copper ring will no longer cut into your finger deeply. Instead, someone takes it and installs it on your penis.
I wish I wasn’t a nymphomaniac
Edit: Damn you!
Granted, you are no longer a nymphomaniac. In fact, you can no longer stand the thought of sex at all and become permanently impotent. Unfortunately, due to a fluke virus, all the other men on the planet die, and you’re the only one who can save the human race…
I wish someone would cure AIDS so people in this thread quit dying.
[STRIKE]granted, but you get AIDS and die from it[/STRIKE]
The cure is invented, but it gets invented by an evil, multimillionare megolomaniac. He monopolizes the cure so much, that people end up paying him waaaaaay to much for it, and he soon buys the whole world, enslaving the human race.
I wish that ‘enslaving the human race’ is the new copout for corrupting wishes.
Granted, but you are always counted as one of those being enslaved.
I wish online gaming cost less money.
Granted. Online gaming doesn’t cost you even a penny, thanks to a genius Japanese engineer. Instead, for every hour you play, you are enslaved for five minutes by the Japanese government. The US and UK among other countries sees nothing wrong with this human rights violation, as they are ruled under Bush IV and Tony Blair’s second cousin. Enjoy!
I wish that I owned every Pink Floyd and Iron Maiden CD that ever existed, including B-Sides, demos, and ultra rare crappy shit.
And on another note…
Dude- how is that a punishment… that fucking rocks! \m/
I’d just like to say that I found that quite amusing. Now continue with Loki’s wish. 
Granted. However, the day after you recive them your house is burned down by hordes of jealous fans, and you don’t notice until it’s too late beacause you have headphones on.
I wish I had a large pizza.
<img src=“http://www.rpgclassics.com/subsites/twistedrpg/images/hero/rirse.gif”> Your wish is granted, but before you can eat the giant pizza, a large Italian man wearing a red jump suit eats a mushroom, grows supersize, eats the pizza, and then steps on you. Game over!
I wish that “The Wizard” (campy video game theme movie) would come out on dvd.
Granted. But the very day you buy it, someone breaks into your house, and steals it from you.
I wish I could finally get laid. In a way that doesn’t involve rape. Or AIDs. Or any Sexually transmitted diseases.
Edit: Fuck you, Val.
<strike>Granted. Soon, word of all of your rare things gets around, and soon you must live in seclusion, far from humanity and all of your friends/family. This seclusion slowly begins to wear on your mind, and it is not long before you go crazy. You paint the walls with rabbit blood, and soon, the world hates you for killing millions of rabbits. You fucking hitler.</strike>
Granted, some hawaiian guy comes by and lays you. You fall asleep soon after and wake up in a bathtub full of ice, missing a kidney, and a phone is sitting by the tub with a note attached to it. “Call the police.”
I wish I was the most talented guitarist in the world, my fingers never tired, never bled, never ached, and I knew every single possible Arpeggiation, Scale, Chord, and Lick.
Granted, but all the guitars in the world are burnned at the stake for practicing witchcraft.
I wish Ack would gimme back my moon, god dammit!
Granted. If it’s the planetary body, it crushes you under its weight. If it’s the human action, it crushes you between its buttcheeks.
I wish I could make time stop and start on a whim.
A freak accident happens at a nearby experimental physics laboratory. The explosion destroys your entire town. Somehow you survive, but are strangely altered by the blast. For the rest of your life you must live in a bubble because your immune system was severely damaged, as well as several parts of your body. The blast gave you the power to stop and restart time. When time is stopped, you remain conscious but cannot move.
I wish for a really cool hat.
Granted. Since the definition of ‘cool’ changes constantly, your hat becomes uncool in less time than you can say “Damn it!”. You are then ridiculed by you peers, all of whom have cooler hats than you.
I wish to master every martial art in the world.
[STRIKE]Granted, but the hat is actually a brain slug and he makes you eat at Arby’s (Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!).[/STRIKE]
damn you ;_;
Granted, but you’re only a master of all the martial arts on Uranus, and all of them suck.
I wish thre was a Wendy’s within a 10 mile radius of me.
Granted. Wherever you go a Wendy’s will be built within a 10 mile radius of where you’re standing. McDonalds, afraid of being dethroned, kills you to stop the spread of Wendy’s locations.
I wish I had the original first five books in the Roswell series. ( Before they got re-written 'cause of the show).
Granted, but each book is in a different language, making it difficult to find the continuity.
I wish I had free cell phone service.
Granted, but your cell phone company gives your number to every company and all your calls are from telemarketers.
I wish I was living on a colony on Michael Moore’s second chin.