Eesh, sorry to hear. Feel better. Me? Just been chugging along, I 'spose.
Man I had this BRILLIANT post like halfway typed out and I accidentally hit the browsers hotkey for back or something and lost all of it. Basically it discusses how I may be the biggest scumbag in the world because I don’t feel bad about the things I do to get drugs as soon as I have the drugs, I just feel kind of bad/weird/not sure what cause of the fact that I don’t feel bad. I made up this huge elaborate story of how one of the (many) guys that I used to run with whom I completely fucked over showed up at my house (the one thing he does have on me is my social security card… I gave it to him as collateral for a very very large sum of money and I ran off and bought a bunch of coke with it) telling me that if I didn’t pay him back a portion of the money I owed him he would do something bad or something. I was ridiculously vague at this point as I described what “happened” to my mom, but she ate all of it and went into some kind of mother hysteria. I told her I was at a coffee shop with a mutual friend of this man and mine and that this mutual friend was to deliver the money and possibly even return my social security card (though there is really no point, unless he forgot to write down the number or something which he might do cause he has saaaaggy tits from being really really obese during his childhood and losing a bunch of weight, really I feel bad for him he literally has these floppy saggy tits that hang several inches from his chest it is disgusting and I doubt he has ever achieved intercourse without his shirt on). At this point I was actually outside of the headshop in the town over trying to make a last ditch effort (they wouldn’t let me use my dads debit card which I stole because it doesn’t match my id, the fucking bitches usually they don’t even check my id fucking bullshit I would have gotten so much more had my initial plan worked out but they HAD to cockblock me like the little cockblockers they are) to get my salts cause I ran out in a horrible fashion (I saved a very large amount for the last blast and the needle ended up bending in my arm due to overuse, I tried to pull it out and straighten it real quick but it was so dull and had taken so long that a small amount of blood had clotted within the needle, I tried to just jam it into my arm cause I really did not want to have to snort a bunch of blood water and taking drugs orally is for pussies and the head of the needle ended up shooting off and blood literally splattered the entire front inside of my car, I probably looked really weird wiping as much of the blood off the windows as I could with my tongue, if anyone was watching which is quite possible cause I get my jibblees off by shooting up in public places (stupid I know but it gets me hot!) and literally could not accept that ridiculously giant let-down as the end of my high. But yeah anyways they wouldn’t take my dads card so I tell my mom that she needs to put some money into my account so I can get Allen his money so he doesn’t go through with the threat or whatever he made towards me. She feeds me some bullshit about how she can’t get onto her online banking account (which may have been true as I was trying to log onto her account but she had finally changed her password that cunt) so I up the ante of the story I was brewing. I don’t really know what I did to up the ante but basically I told her that he basically forced me to take my dad’s debit card so that he could do something with it or something. I really don’t know how I explained the fact that I had my dad’s credit card (I’ve taken my parents cards several times in the past before and always gotten into GIANT trouble, I suppose stealing a lot of money from them is where they draw the line…), but I am extremely confident in my manipulating skills. So much so that I don’t even have to create good or believable stories and I can still get people to do what I want. So anyways, my mom is absolutely hysterical at this point and keeps talking about calling the police but I convince her not to because that would only upset him more or something (had she called the police to where I told her I was at back in my home town I would have been absolutely fucked, not only would I have been caught creating some absolutely insane story about someone wanting to harm me so that I could get money from my parents, I would probably get kicked off of probation for leaving the county), I really don’t know what I told her half the time I was talking to her, I usually just go on auto-pilot and at the last minute put on some gas to get what I want (money in this case). Finally she just tells me my dads debit card pin number so I can atm the shit out of it (though at this point I turn into a pussy and only take 80 dollars because though I don’t feel bad for what I’m putting my mom through, I realize that I should feel bad, which makes me feel kind of bad) and finally get my SALTZ. Anywho, I buy my shit, do a huge blast, and satisfied I head on my way back to town. I told her the money went to Allen and that someone was running it to him (my parents have no idea that paying him back 80 dollars would be a slap to his face, I took something like 2300 dollars from this scrub) and that they would come back to give me my social security card. So I just say they never came back, get higher, go to my meeting and tell everyone the story of how I was gonna kill myself and ended up in the psych ward, enjoyed more bath salts, came home, acted mopey and depressed but also anxious about the whole ordeal that had gone down, go to my room, do another shot, my mom comes in and tells me that she is gonna go fill my seroquel prescription (it is like 10 at this point, there is maybe one or two pharmacies open at this point, both of which aren’t on the side of the town with money) because she’s worried about me getting enough rest after such a stressful day. I’m laying here listening to music and I feel great. I wish I could have posted the whole story, but I lost a bunch of it so I decided to vomit out this wall of text real quick so you guys can get half the story of why I am a huge scumbag because I don’t feel bad for the things I do and only feel kind of bad because of the fact that I don’t feel bad for the things I do.
Crystal Castles
edit: Now, some of you may have already realized that there is actually one remaining question. Now that I am stuck at home until 5am, what am I to do? A repeat of last night (ariel rebel, andi pink, jordan capri, lololo) or shall I enjoy a night of feasting on the pride of those much worse at video games than I? And if one were to go with the second option, in which game would the feast take place?
This is NOT another edit. As a final note, very few of you (I’m saying this with confidence in you folk and your ability to read between the lines) probably realized that there is actually a hidden third option, that is, option b. Read Berserk from start to current and use whatever left over time there is to start from the beginning once more, only reading each word as the opposite of what you would think would actually be the opposite of said word. I can only remind this group (you) of what I will call “those not me” of this one more time.
This is NOT another edit. As a final note, very few of you (I’m saying this with confidence in you folk and your ability to read between the lines) probably realized that there is actually a hidden third option, that is, option b. Read bERSERK from start to current and use whatever left over time there is to start from the beginning once more, only reading each word as the opposite of what you would think would actually be the opposite of said word. I can no longer remind “those not me” of this simple, memorable statement, so please do take care as well as one would hope people of my stature may.
Yep, definitely doing better today!
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Dude Charle don’t be mad you don’t feel as good as me. I get the feeling that you’ve never experienced the limits that the human brain has to offer. Fuckin LOSSSSSSE
Naw. But I’ll be missed when I’m dead. So I don’t feel so bad. Meanwhile you’re going to be sucking dick for coke in a few months, assuming you aren’t gonna be getting butt fucked in prison.
Haha actually I was usually one receiving head for cocaine. Mostly because I really hate giving out any of mine (even if that meant selling it, I pretty muchy only sold oxycontin, oxymorphone, and fentany) and mostly from the same two girls. God I miss hanging out with sluts, I’m really glad Hannah is back in my life. And I’m not going to prison, ya idiot
Sorry you’re a loser and have nothing to look forward to besides death!
It’s cute that you think that you’re a winner because of you steal money from people to support your drug addiction.
I didn’t steal anything until long past getting head for cocaine. If you’re getting head to give some bitch a blast you probably don’t need to be jacking people. Charle you need to accept that I am most likely better than you in every way, just don’t get so mad about it bro
edit: And do you think I’m proud of something like how I pawned my laptop off today knowing that as soon as I mom notices it’s gone she’ll just buy it back? And a couple weeks later I’ll pawn it again?
You’re better than nopony.
Charle I don’t think you can even think to begin understanding the depths I reached and how quickly I reached them. You remind me of a materially-spoiled child who is convinced that he both is worth something (though he has no idea what) and that he knows something (but again couldn’t tell you what he actually knows) not because his parents loved him, but because he heard these phrases once and must climg to them to find some level of comfort from a childhoold unloved.
And god dammit you just made me blow one of my last big veins cause I was so excited to take you seriously
I wish I could do the same. Unfortunately I can’t decypher half of your ramblings. They would only make sense to deadbeat drug addicts. You see, you suffer from delusions of grandeur. I’ve seen this a lot from drug addicts. You convince yourself that these drugs have given you some kind of precious insight into the universe. You believe that they make you superior because you experience things that normal people have not. You’re special, right? Well, in reality, you’re sitting rolling your eyes in the back of your head waiting to piss in a jar because nobody trusts you to be of any kind of positive impact on humanity. You have no idea how embarrassing what you’ve written was, you take some kind of pride in it. You are bragging about pawning your laptop for drug money and having your mom buy it back and then repeating that. Your mom loves you and you’re taking advantage of her. And you’re a huge disappointment to her and everyone that cares about you. You say I am convinced that I’m worth something? What do you think you’re worth? You do nothing for anyone but yourself. You’re pathetic and you have my pity.
I think you underestimate how much I dislike myself, but you sure do seem to think you know what you’re talking about.
edit: Actually I’m not sure which post made it look like I was bragging about pawning my laptop, I think I was more upset that I was actually to/actually did that than anything. The fact that my mom will keep buying it back for me is a joke. Not a funny one, a disturbing one. She has seen my arms and she isn’t going to tell probation. If you haven’t gathered this yet, literally everyone in my life is a giant enabler, though I don’t know if that’s just how the dice rolled or if that’s how I make people act or what it is, but it’s kind of funny and kind of sad that the people that love me the most are the ones helping me to kill myself the most
Did somebody say delusions of grandeur?
So, self-loathing and delusions of grandeur?
yeah pretty much bra