School Sucks

what are your top 3 worst school related moments evar? I’ll go first.

1.) Not really a moment, but as you can imagine, the state of Washington gets pretty cold in the morning. From 1st grade up, when we got to school we had to wait outside until 8:20 when we finally got to go into our class rooms. Seriously, it was on average anywhere from 30-45 degrees out.

2.) One time in kindergarten, I got sick during some stupid singing thing, and puked. Nobody noticed for what seemed like an hour.

3.) Another time in 3rd grade during library (where we go to the library for 30mins) I went to get a drink in the hall, and of course there was a line, so after a few mins of waiting i finally get a drink, but when i got back everyone was gone. So i decided they probably went back to the class, nope. At this point I’m fucked, they aren’t in the library, and they aren’t in the class. So after wondering back and forth from classroom to library in a cold, sweaty panic, I got the bright idea to ask the office. Apparently, there was some sort of assembly and just because I was thirsty I missed half of it. If I weren’t so relieved from getting back to my class i would have shot my self out of boredom. I hate assemblies.

Well that might not seem so bad, but there were not many stories to choose from. And I’m not one to copypasta.

  1. In the ninth grade my science teacher let me skip taking a test and ‘study’ with him at the back of the class. It was the absolute creepiest thing I ever experienced. His eyes remained at a constant stare in my breastal regions. I did pass with a B at the end of the year and did NO work, so I guess its not that bad.
  2. My GF at the time in 8th grade untied my halter top during an assumbly and when I stood up my bazongas fell out entirely in front of everyone.
  3. When I was pregnant a girl that disliked me and also wasted attention on herself told everyone that I was not pregnant but that I wanted to be to get attention so badly that I was pretending. Some people thought I was insane until I actually showed them ultrasound pix.

1.) This didn’t so much happen to me as it did our school. It was really an embarrassment to the entire faculty. Some faculty member found a duct taped container in the hallway and brought to our principal, Mrs. Womack(a bitchy African American woman who talked like Elmer Fudd). Some how they decided that this container was, in fact, a bomb. I was in lunch at the time and a janitor started setting up a podium in the front of the cafeteria. Womack comes up with a microphone and tells us that they have found what they believe to be a bomb. They county bomb squad, police, and fire department were all on their way, and that we would be safest being kept in the building. I left lunch and returned to my art class. About halfway through class Womack comes back on over the PA and says that there was no bomb, it was in fact, an orange. I ended up knowing the kind who owned the orange. It ended up in this duct taped container because one of his grandparents had passed away. A bunch of his friends took a sharpie and signed an orange, sort of like signing a “we’re sorry about your loss” card. He kept it in his locker for awhile until it started to mold and go bad. So he put in a little rubbermaid container, duct taped it shut, and left it in the hall carelessly(Why he didn’t just throw it away I’ll never know). And soon afterward it was discovered and declared an explosive. Our school got into The Onion for that.

2.) Similar story, as it also embarrasses the same principal. We had an assembly where a local college’s wheelchair basketball team came for an assembly where they showed off their moves. At the end they played a game against the faculty, who would also be wheelchair bound. Clearly the faculty would lose, but in a desperate attempt to get just one basket Womack stood up and took a shot. The entire student body immediately started to boo. And then she missed.

3.) Other than those two gems. All of middle school and early high school was pretty terrible. The entire area is pretty wealthy so i went to school with a lot of stuck up jerks.

I skipped the shitstorm that is highschool, so these are gonna be from the early formative years of my education.

  1. In kindergarten, I had this little old frail-looking, whitehaired lady for a teacher. Little old ladies are nice, right? They have grandkids, bake cookies, etc., right? WRONG! This little old lady was MEAN. She would slap students, gripe all the time, snap at parents, and generally be a total bitch. As a small Trilly, I was more outgoing and would hug just about anyone, but this one time I tried to hug her after class was over, she SHOVED ME BACK AND TOLD ME TO GO AWAY. ;-; Later on, after my parents removed from from that school, I found out she got fired. Good riddance.

  2. Headstart. First day. My mom led me to the bus and helped me find a seat, cuz I’d never been on a bus before. Because it was one of those little short buses, it was rather cramped, and the other kids threw things and yelled at my mother to get off the bus. First time I remember ever really being pissed off at a large group of people.

  3. First grade. Was commended by my art teacher for replicating Van Gogh’s Starry Night. While the teacher’s back was turned, I drew smiley faces around the border of it, and then got chewed out about that.

You do not know what cold means. DDDDD=

I’ve been to North Dakota before.

Agreed. 30 to 45 is one warm winter day.

Yeah, it gets a lot colder here than 30. I go out for walks at 45 degrees enjoying the weather. When it is -10 however…then you can bitch a little.

well maybe you guys and your thick layers of whale like blubber kept you warm from the grades of 1st-7th, but they helped me NONE!

RC and I beat each other up once.

I got a kindergarten teacher to slap me. Unlike Trillian’s story, though, mine was a nice teacher. So mine’s more impressive.

I was a skinny kid. 45 degrees just really is not very cold, even with high humidity. I don’t even wear a coat until it’s single digits to below zero*. Long sleeve shirt and hands in pockets. That’s all you need.

*This is uncomfortable, but I can’t be fucked to just carry some bulky heap of fabric around when I’m inside, and I’d rather be uncomfortable than inconvenienced.

You are so lucky that you are on the internet where I can’t punch you in the face, GSG.

I’ve always been really damn scrawny. So I have no fat to insulate me what so ever.

30 to 45 is definitely hoodie weather. Anything more than that and you are a pansy.

  1. Not really bad, just OH NOES!! When I was in kindergarten, I had a very nice woman named Mrs. Fox as my teacher. Every day, she’d sit in a chair and we’d sit around her in a circle, and ,one at a time, we would sit on her knee for show and tell.

One day, I saw a dried booger fall out of her nose into a kid’s hair.

I never did show and tell ever again.

  1. In 6th grade, all the kids more athletic than me had a game they’d play during the post-lunch walk around and work off energy while everyone else finishes eating for 20 minutes period. They would take a football (and on one memorable occasion, a baseball), wait until I wasn’t paying attention, and throw it at me as hard as possible. 8 times out of 10, I got nailed, usually in the stomach or face, but sometimes in the back, sides, neck, chest, or head.

  2. After 2nd Grade, my family moved about once every year and a half until halfway through 5th Grade. I went to 4th Grade Camp, so when 5th Grade Camp rolled around in a different school district, I wasn’t too keen on going. I told my teacher when she was answering questions about it, and the first emotion to pass over her face was surprise, and then her face kinda squirmed, making her face look like the anus of a person trying to hold in a momentous shit.

Everyone in the classroom turned in their chairs to look at me.

She said something like, “You aren’t going to get out of school; If you don’t go to camp, you’ll stay here and do schoolwork.”

I agreed, and went to school every day and sat in the classroom doing work, which counted as bonus and was probably the only reason I passed, alone. That week of solitude was probably the most pleasant experience I ever had in school. I still remember some of what I learned too. I can identify some birds and mosses and stuff like that.

I would punch you back.

I cast magic missile?

p:unch:: lak dis?

Here’s an idea: why don’t you accomplish something rather than posting inane stories. You’re not a special and unique snowflake and no one cares that you shit yourself in whatever grade.