I'm so hating myself right now...

The Core RPGC Main Forum
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… because I’m going to do one of those things here that I didn’t ever want to do.

I know I haven’t told a lot of people about this, but my guy was in the hospital back in August having problems with numbness in his arm and leg. He was there for a week, and the diagnosis went from brain tumors at the beginning to a discharge with multiple sclerosis. So, we thought things were going to be not so great, but still manageable. We talked after he got out of the hospital, and then over two weeks went by where I didn’t hear from him, even though I kept trying to reach him. I finally got an e-mail from him (with much poorer typing than typical) that said he had to be rushed back to the hospital for a week because his symptoms got worse and that he was just discharged again with plans for different MS treatments. Also, his mom came up from out of state to help take care of things for him.

After that, I haven’t heard anything for over a month - every attempt I made to reach him was ignored. I found out on Monday from someone else that he had been back to the hospital at least one more time and that his symptoms had gotten much worse; now his speech is very slurred. Then, I found out today from a customer that he is in the hospital again and that he is in a coma. Before the coma, he couldn’t even get out of bed or pick his head up. The doctors are running more tests trying to figure out what this is; now they aren’t sure it’s MS at all as he didn’t respond to any of the treatments. A possibility is that he has an infection of some sort, but who knows now?

I’ve been worried sick over him for over two months - he’s physically the strongest person I’ve ever met, and to know something undetermined is tearing his body apart like this in such a short time is killing me. I’ve known him for six years, and we’ve cared about each other like this for so long, and we were finally taking our relationship to another level now that work wasn’t an obstacle… we’re both being cheated, him MUCH moreso than me. I know life isn’t fair - I have absolutely no need for reminders like that.

I don’t like pouring out painful feelings here; I feel like it’s a part of my life that people I only know online shouldn’t have to know. It isn’t all just sunshine and happy little trees though, right? Basically, if you feel like it, PLEASE pray for him, light a candle for him, do whatever crazy thing you do when you want something to happen that you need so badly. My optimism and my practicality are at war now, and I want him to make it through this.

So, now I’ve been Debbie Downer. That sucks, right? If you hope even just a little for things to get better here, it would mean so much to me.

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I’ll do the best I can with thoughts.

You have my hopes. :x

:kissy:

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I offer my condolences, for whatever that may be worth.

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It may not be much but I’ll put my thoughts into this post for you and your friend.

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I’ll keep him in my thoughts and well wishings. Best of luck to both you and him.

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Here’s hoping for the best, Vicki.

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I don’t know what to say, other than, you’re doing absolutely the right thing to simply be next to him. That could help, somehow, simply being there could somehow fight the illness - it sounds stupid, but in these situations, you have to believe it. That’s what I would believe.

I don’t know what else to say, so I’ll say that I will hope very strongly he gets better.

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This must be very tough on you, Vicki. I hope that he can get better.

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I’ll pray for him.

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I don’t pray, so for what it’s worth, I’m terribly sorry this happened.

Feels meaningless

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Vicky: I’m terribly sorry to hear all that. I know how you feel, I’ve lost several loved ones to cruel diseases over the years. All I can tell you is- yes, be ready for the worst. But don’t give up hope. And, try to go on with your life; I know it’s painful, in times like these, normal life can seem so pointless- but do it not just for yourself, but for him as well. I’m sure he worries about how you feel too, but probably feels the less contact he has with you the less you’ll suffer.

And don’t feel bad over sharing this with us online- if you did it it’s because you felt you needed to. Any little bit of support helps in a case like this. My prayers go to both of you.

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I don’t usually respond to posts like this, but since i’ve known you for so long, i’m going to make an exception.

My thoughts are with the both of you, and I hope that he can pull through this. However, truthfully, i’m just as worried about you as him. Life can really kick you where it hurts sometimes. I have never told anyone online about my experiences with lifes hiccups, but the best thing to do from my experience is hope for the best and just stay with that person. Continue to strive for things in normal life as well, I didn’t do that and they almost kicked me out of the Army at one point. Wilfredo is absolutely right in what he says, he’s got some good points. Just keep in mind that you’ve got a lot of friends here, people to whom your wellbeing means a lot, and we’re all behind 100%, any time you need it.

Strength and Honor,
Mike

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Has anyone ever said so much to you so fast and so deep that you feel like nothing you could possibly throw back at them could ever even come close to being adequate? Because that’s this.

Your post deserves a response, I just don’t know quite what it is.

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Hang tight. Check your PMs.

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We’ll be praying.

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Well…all I can say really is not to hate yourself over making a post like this.

And I’ll hope like hell he’ll get better.

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Thank you all so much! I felt (and still sort of feel) bad asking for things from people, but I am really so thankful for you even reading this and taking the time to reply. :slight_smile:

I did find out the hospital (thankfully, one of the best around our area) and his room number yesterday afternoon, and I went to see him after work. I didn’t call because I had zero luck trying to reach him, but I figured that they wouldn’t have offered to connect me to his room phone if he actually were in a coma. Well, rumors of the coma appear to be exaggerated, but everything else is on the mark. He’s pretty much incapacitated, but they’re trying to do some physical therapy while they run every test and the kitchen sink. I did tell him that we simply had to stop meeting like this in hospital rooms! I met his mother who seems to be a sweetheart, and I told her I had been trying to reach him for a month. Apparently he’s been in the hospital for almost that long, so no wonder I didn’t get a response; therefore, she now has my contact info and can reach me anytime.

The best part is that he was really happy to see me; as long as he’s happy, I’m fine. He has a LOT of difficulty talking, so he chooses his times and his words very carefully because of the effort it takes. So, it really meant a lot to me to hear him tell me to come back anytime I wanted as I was always welcome with him - those were a lot of words to hear at once! :smiley: He was very happy to hear that I’d be back tomorrow (today now), and our visit today was good too. I think he’s happy that I’ll be bringing him his favorite Chinese takeout tomorrow, even though it means I’ll be feeding it to him, and that probably has him a little worried. :wink: Nurse Vicki to the rescue!

There’s still no official diagnosis, so we’re waiting on that. :\ He has a LONG road ahead of him, so every bit helps. I’m just so thankful for myself that now I can actually be by his side, and I’m even more thankful that he wants me there and that it helps him.

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That’s… tremendous. Wow. That’s such awesome news Vicki. Hopefully he’ll start taking a turn for the better, now that you’re able to visit him. :slight_smile: I’ll keep you guys in my thoughts, and hopefully he’ll start recovering soon. :x

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I’m so happy for you. Maybe prayer can do something.

Whatever happens, I hope you two can emerge happy from this.

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