Alright, there’s this girl I had been seeing. When we first started going out, she was all over me, calling a lot, wanting to be with me quite often. Anytime I didnt want to call, or hang out, she’d get upset. If I wanted to play a videogame, she’d get upset. I felt trapped. She was gonna go to college out of state, and I was almost looking forward to it.
I ended up moving out of town before she did. She took it hard, and gave me a letter that described her feelings for me, and oddly it was at that point I fell deeply in love with her (despite her always wanting to be with me and as much as it annoyed me, I did love her, but this solidified my feelings for her).
As it got closer to her going to college, she decided that she did love me very much but didnt want a relationship. That confused me, as how can you be in love with someone, basically have the kind of feelings you’d have for a boyfriend or a girlfriend, but not want a relationship? And she’d continue to talk to me and when I’d go down to see her, we’d contine acting like we were going out, but we werent in a relationship, and it continued to confuse me.
Now she’s in college, and only a few days in she’s adjusted very well, made a ton of friends, and engaging in a lot of activities. I’m very proud of her and wish her all the best. But I feel like she’s going to forget about me, and I cant stop thinking about her. I’m afraid she’s going to find someone else, because techinically she’s single, but said she still loves me dearly. I’ll be starting college next week, so I’m hoping that will help clear my head more, but it’s still driving me nuts.
I’ve slowly learned that relationships become far less defined the farther you get from acadamia. If you truly care about her, hold out long enough to discover if the two of you can survive being apart for a while. If you think you can move on, now’s the time to do it.
I agree with Saturn. Looks like a lot of emotions, but not enough rationale thought. Take it easy, you do your things, she does hers, you talk and meet other people, after college, perhaps a couple of years or so, if you still feel the same way, and she does, then go from there.
Damn RPT, “jealous as hell” was the first thing that crossed my mind when I read that sentence.
*cue “Emotional Rescue”
Don’t see this as a problem. She wants you? She’ll let you know. Negative? Plenty of fish in the ocean. If you could have her you’d probably find her boring and annoying again. Jealousy is your spark here.
Well, its not that confusing and its normal. The last guy I dated was the first guy I ever truly loved, although I felt like I lost my dignity when I told him that. But after several months things got emotionally out of hand on his part. We kept getting into fights and such because I was new to this feeling and Im really a non-caring person most of the time. So I let him go. I still love him BUT I wouldnt want to be with him again if I had the chance.
I say to just go with the flow, let time pass and see what happens. Thing is she said she doesnt want to be with you already and thats a brutally honest statement. She probably figured out that it just wasnt going to work. The feeling of love takes plenty of time to wear away which is why she still loves you.
Difference is, when we are together, we continue as if we were always together. We still talk all the time. Lol, she was mad yesterday (with worry) that I went out to the bars with a couple friends and that I drove home, even though I only had two beers. So that way I know she still cares deeply for me. She was mad, but it made me feel much, much better about the situation.
Well, since your the one who knows this girl in real life, you’re going to understand this situation infinitely better than any of us. What you’ve told us is no substitution for actually being around someone and feeling their emotions. Maybe it will end in pain, but there’s no real way we can help you. You just have to play this one out yourself.
yes, we all know you’re really, really stupid and also an asshole. But really, that joke was totally called for, I don’t see why threads like these should be taken seriously in the first place.
*edit: but I guess there’s nothing really wrong with asking for advice about your problems from complete strangers. I guess it would be less biased that way IE your friends might unintentionally side with you, whereas a complete stranger will treat both parties the same: like a pile of old socks.
I never had a girlfriend in high school, but what I can say from stories told to me by friends - and also common sense for that matter - is that trying to maintain a relationship with someone when both of you are going to different colleges is often extremely difficult. It’s even harder when you’re far away from each other. In a common scenario you or she will find somebody else. Believe me, it happens a lot. You may love each other now but college can change things, and personally I think it’s a wiser course of action to end it now before either of you winds up heartbroken. A friend of mine and his girlfriend tried to maintain a relationship. He’s at Uconn and she’s at Connecticut College, and she wound up telling him she found somebody else. He was an emotional wreck for about two months.
Don’t bother waiting for her. If she’s off partying it up at college with a bunch of other boys, let her go. First of all, you shouldn’t expect an immature girl in her situation to show restraint and control and remain faithful to you. She’s going to party until she eventually gets burned out and doesn’t want to anymore, at which point she’ll want a relationship again. You don’t know how long it’s going to take for her to get to that point, so don’t waste your time. And you’re expecting that she’ll want to return to you when she calms down. Who’s to say she won’t calm down with another guy?
Second of all ???
I’m sure you had fun but its time to move on. You can have just as much fun with another woman. Like Sat said, things are going to get way more complicated the longer you wait to start relationships. Now is the time to be out there, not sitting around waiting for your old lover 8)