How to get rid of Jehovah's Witlesses, D&D style.

The Core RPGC Main Forum
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[quote=““Ayezur at GodAwful Fanfiction””]

I have a story! I have a story!

I belonged to a tabletop RPG group for about two years. Very early on, a bunch of Jehovah’s Witnesses found out when and where we met every week. Theyt started popping by and forcing us to deal with them for most of the session. I mean, we’d tell them to go away and about twenty minutes later they’d come back.

Thus, we concocted a plan.

Next session, the other DM and I (we co-DMed) brought black robes. When the Witnesses showed up, the other DM answered the door in his black robe and engaged the Witnesses in chitchat. I waited a few minutes, then came in in my black robes carrying the Book of Vile Darkness (this is an actually roleplaying book on how to play and construct evil characters), title prominently displayed.

Me: Hey, where’re the kitchen knives? And hurry up, we’re about to start.
Other DM: Third drawer on your right.

I walk into the kitchen, open a drawer, shuffle the utensils around, shut the door, and go into the back room where th rest of the group was. Thsi was the cue for them to start chanting in Latin (they were reciting lines from Monty Python) and one to start screamign through a bit of cloth he’d shoved in his mouth to make it sound like he was gagged.

The Witnesses never came back. And there was much rejoicing.

[/quote]

That story rocks.

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Heh. Silly evangelists.

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For those who don’t know, I live in an area that could be commonly called “The Ghetto”.

Yesterday, I was walking around my neighborhood, the ghetto, and there were these christian guys handing out pamphlets. They hand me one and the head guy asks me if I had found christ.

Last week my belt broke, and I hadn’t gotten another one, so my pants were kinda falling down. Well, I had stopped holding up my pants to read this little pamphlet thingy. Well, conveniently enough, my pants fell to my ankles. I was so ready to just die laughing, but I calmly said no, and the entire group, mortified, walked away.

My god, it was so perfect.

4

great stuff. I might have to apply that strategy someday.

5

El Oh Effing El. XD

6

Nah, you know what’s perfect? When some hot girl comes to your door to hand you a pamphlet, and THEN your pants fall down.

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Story is worth cookies!

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Only if you have a REALLY good opening sentence.

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Jehovah’s Witnesses got you down? Do what I do: hose 'em down. Wow, that rhymed! Who would have thought down sounded like down?

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If someone asks you if you’ve found Christ, say that you did and then sold him. It’ll be fun to see their reaction. :smiley:

11

I’m reminded of something else someone from that same forum said:

My sister-in-law was at the mall with her friends and they passed by this religious bookstore. This guy standing outside asked the inevitable question, “Have you found Jesus?”

She said, “Oh yeah, he’s in the trunk!” and her friend says, “Oh my God, we forgot airholes!” and they ran away.

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XD

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If you don’t want them knocking at your door, just install one of these door knockers.

http://uploads.nulani.net/uploads/anti_.jpg

This was extracted from another bigger pic advertising anti-‘J wits’ door knockers. The wits will not disturb you if you haveone of these. I couldn’t find the original file, though.

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<img src=“http://www.rpgclassics.com/subsites/twistedrpg/images/hero/rirse.gif”> Heh, I seem to get easy toward annoying door to door peddlers. Only things we get are black guys who are trying to sell meat door to door.

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That’s actually from Scary Movie 2 :o

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I think it’s been a good five years since the last time a Jehova’s witness tried to evangelize at my house, and have likely labeled it “impossible”. They used to, but my father probably knows more about their theology than they do, and I think they quickly find out what a mistake it is to try and win over a Religious Studies professor. If I’m not mistaken every time they came was a series of hasty subject changes and finally a swift departure. I also feel inclined to point out that technically speaking, I don’t think JWs are Christians at all.

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Alright, here’s my story.

So when I was younger, my sister’s boyfriend, Harold, lived with us. He was 17, a “punk” (this was 1989-1990, so it was cool at the time), and dressed accordingly; 3 foot mohawk (not pointed straight up, but rather draped down on one side), multiple piercings in each ear, chain connecting ear piercing to nose piercing, tatoos… he even cut the sides and sleeves off of his Megadeath T-shirts and safety-pinned them back up.

So, one day, my brother, sister, and I are at school, and my Dad is at work. My Mom is about to go to the store, and asks Harold if he needs anything. He was one of the kindest people I ever knew, and was very polite to my parents, so I’m sure he very nicely said no, or perhaps asked for a pack of cigarettes. She left, and Harold was left at home alone. Hilarity ensued.

Two Jahova’s Witnesses come to the door. Harold answers. One says “have you found Christ in your life” or whatever the say. Harold says, “dude, I’m totally not your audience. It’d take a lot to convert me. But, man, this isn’t my house. The people who live here will be back in a little while. You can come in and watch Matlock with me, and maybe have a drink of water.”

Unbeknownst, the JW’s follow Harold in, accept his ice cold bottled water, and sit down with him. Harold begins a conversation, asking if they enjoy going door to door. Quickly, he notices a look of shock in their eyes. One of them, the stronger I assume, tries his best to keep up the conversation for several minutes until my Mom gets home. This entire time, both men stare at Harold in shock and disbelief.

My Mom comes home, sees them and says “who are these Gentlemen?” Harold responds “they’re some Jehova’s Witnesses.” One tries to stammer out the whole “have you found Christ” thing, but can’t do it. Mom quickly says “Look, we’re not a religious house. Sorry for taking up your time” and they leave in a hurry.

Harold looks at my mom and says “man, they sure seemed creeped out by me.” My mom rolls her eyes, sighs, and says “that’s cause you have a big hole in the crotch of your pants. As you were having a conversation with them, they were having a conversation with Big Jim and the Twins.”

Needless to say, they never came back.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :hahaha; These stories are too much!

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It’s TD, the only lines he has involve games, or porn…I really dont have a follow-up for that and I am ashamed of myself for it.

20

Argh!
That door knocker looks like it’s from the FATAL RPG…

(I got a link to a review of that game from GAFF, and I have to agree that it’s the worst RPG ever…
It won’t just get rid of Jehovas, it will also get rid of your friends, your neighbors, your family and your will to live…)