Speaking of loose cannons, we still have the reservers to look up… speaking of which, there’s still demigod and zachary. My favourite drawing subject and my favourite fast ball special subject. >_>;
Galloway: The immense amounts of booze will one day return their investment in the form of “Drunken Fist - Canadian Hockey Fan Style”
Alright, here’s the rest of the chapter.
kirokokori:
(Pre)Pubescent Psychotic Catgirl
kirokokori is a relatively new addition to the RPGC family, having moved into the Catgirl District early in the third Task Force’s career. The daughter of a human father and a catgirl mother, she is relatively human in appearance, with only her cat ears, tail, and some mannerisms marking her as anything but. That, and she carries around a bazooka. Nobody knows where she got it, nobody knows why she has it, and nobody can figure out exactly how many laws and acts of common sense her possession carries, but let’s face it, nobody wants to argue with a hyperactive catgirl with a weapon of mass destruction. She now serves as a member of the fourth RPGC Task Force, gleefully putting her overly destructive weaponry to good use.
Bahamut Xero:
King of the Dragons
In dragon society, there is a generally agreed-upon ruler, who stands out amongst other dragons in terms of sheer power and terror. Such a figure, known as the Bahamut, rules from an ancient city several dozen miles away from RPGC, with only a select few traditionally being allowed to enter his sacred land. That is, until the last Bahamut and his wife were murdered. Their son, Xero, was then elevated to ruler, an action that brought the scorn of more conservative dragons. His first actions were to begin to bring down the barriers of mistrust and mythological hatred between his kind and the rest of the world, by allowing travelers into his city.
Soon after, the dragon capital became known as a center of learning, containing age-old universities and libraries containing works dating as far back as the first Mesopotamian civilizations. However, Xero was, and still is, never truly happy. His family’s murder remained unsolved for centuries, until by sheer luck he managed to unlock the secrets one cold Christmas Eve. Ever since, he has been ruling as the city’s wise and tempered leader, guiding his people into a new golden age.
Mazrim Taim:
Librarian/Scholar
Mazrim Taim was one of many elder members of RPGC, serving as the chief librarian of the RPGClassics Fanfiction Archive. Once he had mastered his legendary “Apathy Shield,” and amassed all the knowledge he could at this point, he left RPGC to travel to parts unknown. Unfortunately, he accidentally ended up getting trapped in Xero’s private library, and since the whole place was several stories tall and deep underground…it took a while to find him. Since then, he’s vanished altogether. Most likely, he’s settled down somewhere and had some kids, but who’s to tell…
PC Glenton:
Hi-Tech Thief
Glenton is not a native of our world…nay, even our timeline. “Born” in a crapsack futuristic China, Glenton was cloned and engineered to be the most capable agent the Triads had ever known. Unfortunately for them, he was very good at his job, and turned on them. After a number of battles, he ended up getting sucked through a time portal, and deposited into our universe and time. Initially disoriented, he encountered Valkyrie Esker, and agreed to join the battle against Naar. However, he soon realized he was more or less untouchable in this world, and turned to acts of thievery. In the process of leaving the group, he destroyed a very dear memento of Esker’s, which angered the valkyrie even more than the eight million in gold coins he had also stolen. The two have feuded ever since.
Glenton worked as an occasional ally, but more often nemesis, of the RPGC Task Force, while also joining the forces of RPGC if it served his purposes. Eventually, his karma caught up with him, and he was blackmailed into serving the forces of good on a regular basis as a member of the RPGC Task Force v4. He did NOT take this kindly, but really has no choice at the moment, and has proven himself to be somewhat of a hero. Whether he likes it or not is another matter.
And there are plenty more. Too many for my short attention span to list, in any case. In the end, they have all made their mark upon the community and world in which they live, in their own special way.
Next time: The Technology of the RPGCVerse
Rumor has it that Wil and Glenton were forced to work together to recover the Spear of Destiny, in an adventure yet to be chronicled, where they developed a bitter respect for each other. Details as they surface… 
Oh, and I still have no clear plan for the Christmas Story… I have ideas, but what I worry about is the format. Perhaps a shorter story would be better this time. I don’t want to miss the Christmas Day deadline.
Chapter Nine: Technology of the RPGCVerse
On many planets, there exist intelligent life, beings capable of reasoning and sentience. Naturally, they begin to adapt to their environment, creating tools and shelter for themselves. Then they make weapons. And bigger tools so they can make even bigger weapons. In the end, they all blow themselves up. Since the RPGCVerse hasn’t gotten to quite that point, let’s take a look at the numerous technologies in play.
GENERAL TRAVEL:
Cars: Automotive technology is still fairly standard compared to other places in the multiverse; flight hasn’t been mastered yet, none of our vehicles can smash a tank, and they aren’t run by human souls. Hell, we still freaking use gasoline, for crying out loud. The only real cars of note are the souped-up monstrosities used by superheroes and supervillains, and even then, the only real difference is that they have rocket launchers.
Flight: Most aircraft are standard: there’s the usual airplanes and helicopters, coupled with the more unusual rocket belts and occasional dragon. The only real vehicle of note is the Airships. Once primarily used by powerful archmages (and fueled by arcane powers), they were rarely utilized due to widespread fear and paranoia, mostly on the part of their owners. Today’s airships, such as RPGC’s Shaheen and the Illuminati’s infamous Skycrashers, are insanely complicated mechanical monstrosities, resembling a cross between a battleship, a spaceship, and a zeppelin. Even so, they are so prohibitively expensive to build and maintain that they are rarely utilized in daily life.
Ocean: Regular boats and naval vessels. A few Airships are also capable of naval transport, although this is used mostly as a means of camouflage rather than a practical means of movement.
Space: There have been relatively few space exploration missions done as of late, mostly due to the insane cost and little reward. However, some metahuman groups have reported going into space to battle the Green People of Narlax, or some other crap. Galloway and Weiila have been into space, as have the fourth Task Force; however, this was the result of extreme situations, and thus is still not done willy-nilly.
Military:
Firearms: Most firearms are of the standard projectile variety. Laser weaponry is still in the prototype phases, and are primarily used by extremely well-trained government superagents and Illuminati Stormtroopers. Cheap, easy-to-use weapons are still the order of the day for most standing military forces, with the emphasis on cheap; seriously, why these things don’t explode in their user’s face on a daily basis is beyond me.
The Illuminati and the Eye also built their own weapons. The Eye was particularly fond of the Judgement-class Assault Rifle, a heavily-modded assault weapon capable of utilizing over twenty different types of ammunition. These design choices were meant to coincide with the numerous weaknesses of metahumans; if Beta Legion ran into Superman, they would have a few dozen clips of green bullets to shoot in his direction. The Illuminati used a similar tactic with their own specialized weapons, including the Charlemagne-class rifle, a highly customizable semi-automatic weapon. The weapon was able to hold four different ammunition classes at once, thanks to an easy-to-rotate triggering mechanism. However, since the gun defied all laws of physics and general common sense, it was insanely expensive to produce, and was only given to the most specialized forces.
Melee Weapons: Believe it or not, melee weapons haven’t fallen out of favor yet. Whether as a backup or as the primary sidearm, swords, polearms, whips, knives, staves, etc. are still heavily used. Mages in particular are picky about their staffs, given that many of them also double as a familiar of sorts. In terms of technological advancement, some weapons have been made more durable over the years, especially swords. However, the only truly advanced weapon is Glenton’s Dragon’s Tooth Sword. The sword is actually little more than a remote control shaped like a hilt; when flicked on, however, it activates a nanite stream that condenses into the shape of a long sword. Given his reputation, he probably stole the thing. And then killed whoever made it. And his family. And then stole all their stuff.
Contrary to Hades’ assertions, a katana will not cut through a giant robot.
Personal Armor: If soldiers are armored at all, they will most likely wear standard flak armor and helmets, providing minimal protection against something like an actual bullet. There has been much progress in more powerful armor, including personal battle suits, but these are still on the drawing board. A few have been successfully tested, but their creators have either turned to crime fighting or sold their designs to the government…who then gave them to their real masters.
Computers:
Artificial Intelligence: The concept of AI is still in its infancy, with little to no progress in regards to creating an even partially sentient computer. The closest we have come so far were the sentient androids Yellow Tiger and Dragon; however, they were actually humans that had their brains scanned and uploaded into mechanical bodies, and thus are disqualified from this conversation. As it stands, a thinking computer is still a pipe dream, and given how Galloway just exposed me to the wonders of Harlan Ellison, let’s all be forever thankful.
(more later)
Hey Galloway, have you ever bought GURPS Sourcebooks? Even if you don’t play tabletop RPGs, they provide a lot of useful data on both real and fictional science. For example, their GURPS Tech books have a very useful system for describing technology “levels”. Right now we are on Tech level 8, for instance. Level 9 is where the cyberpunk stuff starts to appear; in Level 10 we go to space and Level 11 and higher is Star Trek stuff. (Of course, some cultures have Tech variations, for example an Earth that already has robots but otherwise is just like ours would be described as “Tech Level 8, + Level 9 robotics.” Nice eh?)
Btw, the more I read this article, the more I feel like describing MY RPG universe… would you mind if I did?
Alright, let us continue our disappointing jaunt…
Response Protocol Generator: The Response Protocol Generator (or RPG) is a line of computer stations provided to officially-recognized metahuman groups, both as a means of assisting their mission and to monitor their actions. Each computer is equipped with the protocols and software necessary to access propriety information concerning known criminal organizations, world cover-ups, classified information, and other little tidbits necessary for running a superhuman organization. The station is also capable of receiving direct feeds from attached civilian organizations, and may also be used as an automatic crime scene analyzer.
Portable Crime Scene Analyzer: A portable version of the RPG, this is a small computer, about the size of a small book, that is primarily utilized when trips back to the HQ are unfeasible. It is capable of analyzing and recording fingerprints, DNA samples, blood trails, etc., and also works as a nifty camera. It is also able to upload and retrieve information using a propriety wireless network. Too bad it also sucks up batteries like a vampire.
Robotics:
Artificial Prosthesis: When it comes to fake body parts, the field of medical technology has improved dramatically over the last decade. If you’re rich enough, and find a doctor shifty enough, you can had your left arm removed and replaced with a rocket launcher, or have your torso mounted on mechanical spider legs, or have your brain replaced by a computer. The possibilities are endless, but fortunately for civilization and good taste, the people that are willing to do this crap are far less in number.
General Robots: Still mostly look like glorified mail boxes that get shot to Mars every few years. Dude, there’s nothing there. Let’s move on.
Androids: Androids, or humanoid robots, still remain an engineering fairy tale…save for two specific instances. In both cases, they were not exactly fully-built androids; they were copies of deceased or mortally wounded humans, with their brain patterns and memories uploaded into computerized brains in a completely impossible-but-somehow-possible way. In both cases, namely Yellow Tiger and Dragon, it ended badly, both for them and whatever parties they happened to run into.
Cyborgs: Cyborgs are an extension of the prosthesis issue, only in this case, mechanical augmentations are grafted onto them and integrated into their biological functions, rather than outright replacing them. Cyborgs are very few in number, due to the insane costs and risks of outright death, and those that do survive rarely enjoy much benefit; in other words, it’s a complete waste.
Genetics:
Genetic Engineering: For the most part, genetic engineering has been going on since the Industrial Revolution, through the use of selective breeding and crop rotation. However, in recent years this engineering has been conducted in laboratories, with scientists focusing their attention on improving food yields while also not endangering the public and the environment. This has led to the massive “GMO” controversy, which is mostly fueled by overzealous scientists on one end, and total pricks that have no idea how GMOs are actually cultivated and would rather let people starve than even possibly allow-
Sorry, I get a bit touchy on that sometimes.
Cloning: Cloning is still an infantile science, and one that really doesn’t differentiate itself too much from the GMO problem.
Now on to the REALLY, REALLY GRAY AREAS:
Human Genetic Engineering: Opposed on nearly every front, whether it be for medical, religious, or political reasons. For the interest of this article, we will focus on the medical problems. Basically, the human genome is an extremely delicate piece of work, and any changes made can have catastrophic consequences, often leading to slow, agonizing deaths as the person’s body eats itself from the inside. And pity those that survive; they can end up with all manners of disabilities, from losing some of their limbs and organs to becoming mentally unhinged. Throw in the high cost (often in the tens of millions) and it becomes obvious that genetic engineering on humans simply isn’t worth it.
Human Cloning: Let’s not get started on this, shall we? Yes, the technology to clone humans exists. Galloway has been cloned hundreds of times, so that Dr. Kaizer would have plenty of backups. Glenton is basically a clone himself, as well. Still, that doesn’t necessarily make the practice practical or morally correct; it just means it’s a possibility, and should be considered with a great deal of research and care before plunging into. Otherwise, you can just watch Fox News and get the bare gist of it.
Dimensional Travel:
Dimensional Gateway: The Dimensional Gateway is a specialized device, pretty much requiring an entire city’s worth of energy to run, that creates holes through time and space, and then deposits anyone that passes through into their intended destination. Although dangerous, it’s also the only man-made means of going through dimensions, and is far more reliable than the often unpredictable and dangerous Shadow Gates. There are two in existence; one is in the hands of the Illuminati, and the other is at RPGC. Fortunately, neither is used very much. Even more fortunately, we don’t ride on giant bugs.
Next time: The Time Line of the RPGCVerse
Why disappointing?
Galloway’s on a negative trip lately. He probably felt that Wall-E was tragic.
Kidding aside, d, this has been anything but disappointing, otherwise we wouldn’t even bother to post here.
You’re welcome to pest me on my own articles if you feel like it. 
Sorry about the lack of updates. I’ll get something ready by next week.
That’s OK Gallo. But how about posting your character in my New RPGC Saga thread? unsubtle hint
…The timeline’s delayed again. I just can’t be satisfied with what I have right now.
The next update will detail some of the secret organizations of the RPGC Universe.
Alright, here we go…
Chapter Ten: Secret Organziations and Conspiracies
No world would be complete without its egomaniacal nutcases constantly searching for a means to seize power. History has taught us that the best means of accomplishing this goal is to find a bunch of similar nutcases and convince them to let you in on the winning team. Hence, the need for secret organizations. The RPGCVerse has faced their fair share of them in the past, and the Gods only know how many are still out there, plotting and rubbing their hands threatingly to no one in particular.
Order of the Black Pentagram:
The Order of the Black Pentagram was a fairly minor force by the time it reached RPGC. Originally consisting of the remnants of Mox’s followers, the Black Pentagram soon began to add new adepts to their cause. Unfortunately, said cause was aiding a lunatic Black Mage in a bid to take control of the source of all Black Magic, so they were only able to grab Dungeons and Dragons fanboys and lonely emo kids. Needless to say, they were effortlessly crushed by our stalwart heroes, and by the time of Naar’s first attack, had been conscripted into his forces as human cannon fodder. They did not survive the first attack.
The Eye:
The Eye’s true meaning and purpose are hard to pin down. On the one hand, they run a number of criminal operations, most notably the smuggling of drugs, weapons, and various artifacts. However, they are also an extremely quasi-religious sect, focusing around a concept known as the “All-Seeing Eye.” All members of the Eye are also members of the cult, and are required to participate in all the goat sacrifices and blood rituals therein.
The Eye views Metahumans as a scourge upon the world, and seek to annihilate them entirely. They are not above using genetic engineering to create their own super soldiers; however, their methods are so cruel and primitive that they have a harder time keeping them alive afterwards. The few metahumans they recruit are often forced to do so at gunpoint, and do not relish the work they do. As for the All-Seeing Eye…let’s not get into that right now.
The Illuminati:
While the Eye has been around for millennia, one group has been destroyed and rebuilt countless times over the years. The Illuminati was originally formed by Charlemagne and a small gathering of cohorts, as a means of controlling the world through shadowy leadership and puppet kings. Their plans came crashing down, however, when the Eye rigged a sting operation and captured the conspirators. Their ideas eventually spread to other figures, who also attempted to enact on them, but also met the Eye’s opposition.
The current Illuminati is actually the sixtieth to hold the title, but they are also proving to be the most successful. Unlike the Eye, the Illuminati embraces Metahumans, although they never elevate them above very useful tools. They are financially backed by numerous banks and corporations, while their ownership of world governments allows them access to top-of-the-line munitions equipment. As much as they present themselves as a positive force, however, the Illuminati are simply a lesser evil; they are power hungry, amoral, and led by people that really don’t care about how many ants they have to squash.
The Society of Wizards:
It was around the time of the First Council of Trent that mages began to realize their numbers were running dangerously thin. Rather than face the oncoming Witch Hunters individually, as in the past, a number of mages decided to band together, to form an entire secret society where the magically-inclined could practice their wares without fear of reprisal. Thus, the Society of Wizards was formed. Starting out as merely a safe haven for sorcerers and witches, the Society soon expanded to become the main governing force behind all mages in the RPGCVerse. Everyone, from the most good to the most evil of magic users, was practically forced to join.
The Society of Wizards is very close to an equivalent of the Metahuman Registration Agency for magic users. All mages must be licenses in order to practice magic within Earth, and the usage of said magic is scrutinized heavily. Anyone that would jeopardize the Society or its goals will be dealt with harshly, ranging from suspensions and disbarments to total erasure from time and space. Unfortunately, the Society also operates much like the UN, never wanting to dirty its hands too heavily and giving out sanctions rather than justice against evil wizards. The Society has no real dreams of world conquest; they merely seek to control and protect all mages.
The Brotherhood of the Gatekeepers:
Cosmic beings, known only as Gatekeepers, keep watch over the barriers separating universes. Anyone who dares to try and breach these barriers will quickly find themselves up shit creek without a paddle, so to speak. Although they are not gods themselves, they have found themselves being worshipped by lost and purposeless mortals.
The Brotherhood, in all its incarnations, is easily identified by the numerous self-inflicted tortures its followers inflict upon themselves. To separate themselves from the outside world, they pluck out their eyes and cut out their tongues, and then seal the orifices with black wire. In their new blind form, they can utilize psychic gifts to seek out their masters and obey their orders. They are zealous in their duties, and nothing short of death will stop them from reaching their target.
There are more out there, but these have had the most visible impact on the world at large. In any case, it’s better to simply avoid any contact with them, and just live about your life in quiet compliance. Because mindless conformity is better than facing the horrors of the All-Seeing Eye.
Heey, not bad, d- while the basic concepts you’re using are familiar, the details you give them are pretty good. Your version of the Illuminati is actually pretty close to mine- they present themselves as an eternal, all-controlling Conspiracy, but while they ARE powerful and ancient, half of what they say is BS; they realized long ago that what they got people to believe was as important as what they actually did. They’re like politicians in that sense. 
One major difference between my RPG multiverse and yours is that there’s no Gateway Guardians- each universe’s gods are the ones who decide how they deal with planeswalkers. Most don’t care, thought a few are more careful. Luckily most interdimensional portals can’t be used unless you have the specific ability to- if some way could be found to open them so anyone could use them, chaos would very likely follow (see the setting of the Asheron’s Call MORPG for an example.)
Once again, thanks for the entertaining ideas!
Wow…it’s alive. IT’S ALIVE!
Chapter Eleven: The Supernatural
Having gone through the science behind out universe, I fear there is one small corner we have not touched upon: the supernatural. Note that in this case, I do not mean magic users; they have existed in this universe long enough to qualify as being part of the natural order of things. No, I specifically mean the “things that should not be,” the demons that plague our nightmares and haunt us as we sleep. Unfortunately, my travels have made me VERY familiar with these forces, and as such I shall include brief mention of them.
Note: If you encounter any of these, your best bet is to run. Nearly all are very unfriendly to regular people at most, and downright malicious at worst.
THE PHYSICAL UNDEAD:
It’s a well-known fact that people die when they are killed. Unfortunately, whether it be divine intervention, cosmic realignment, or simply white magic gone astray, some things don’t stay dead. As such, here is a list of the various monstrosities running around.
Zombie: The simplest form of undead. A zombie is created by ressurecting any corpse more than a few minutes old. The timing is rather imprecise, but the key component is that the victim’s soul has already passed on, and the mage is not powerful enough to call it back. As a result, the zombies have no spiritual essence, leaving them shambling about mindlessly. Furthermore, the longer a corpse has rotted, the more powerful it becomes. A recently-dead zombie will still have most of its functions…most importantly a nervous system. A nearly-skeletal figure, however, will have no means of feeling pain, and as a result will often charge blindly after its prey.
Necromancers frequently control large numbers of zombies, using them as manual labor or shock troops. However, they are never good for much more than that. Because of their nature, they have no sentience, and as a result cannot think for themselves. In many cases, they are little more than big, stinky puppets. Big, stinky puppets that can take a full M-16 mag to the chest without dying. Fortunately, movies were right for once; if the zombie’s brain is destroyed, so is the monster. Head shots with a shotgun are adviseable.
Also, zombies don’t need food; they kill out of survival instinct or when ordered. They also cannot turn you into one by biting you.
Revenant: A step above a zombie, but below the king of undead apperations, the revenant is basically a corpse that can think. Once again, it’s the soul issue; this time, the soul is partially there, but is more of a small echo than a full manifestation. As a result, a revenant can fell some emotions, and will often suffer similar compulsions to when they were alive. However, they are still shambling, rotting carcases, and as a result are dangerous to everyone around them.
That is not to say they are mindless, however. Indeed, many revenants have close to human intelligence, and a few can even communicate. They also have diluted feelings of pain, and can still charge through gunfire. However, their brains are still soft and weak against shotguns. They also require food, usually in the form of raw meat. Not something you want to meet, in any case.
Vampires: When it comes to human, vampires come closest out of all the undead. However, there are a few key points to make about their existence.
Unlike the rest of the undead, all vampires come from a precursor. Sometime in ancient Babylon, a white mage’s lover was killed. Feeling alone, she decided to ressurect him. Unfortunately, she decided to test her methods on a skeleton she had recovered from a battlefield. Even worse, the corpse’s teeth got mixed up with some kind of dog’s, giving it two pronounced canines. And the killing blow? She blew the spell royally. The skeleton was refleshed and revived, but the resulting creature was pale, cold, and hungry. He ended up hanging around the ancient city until its collapse, and then travelled the world, spreading his curse everywhere he went.
Above all else, a vampire has to be a white mage, for it is that magic that fuels their existence. When they feed, they use their canines to rip a small wound in the victim’s body and draw their life force out through the blood. (Any fluids will actually work, though, leading to some…interesting cases.) They can also live off of animals, but they don’t care for the taste. Although much stronger than humans, they can still be killed with excessive force. (Let’s face it, 90% of the traditional vampire weaknesses will kill ANYONE, not just them.) They also cannot go out in the sun AT ALL, but can enslave humans and animals to act as spies.
Note that I have not mentioned metahumans. That is because, for whatever reason, metahuman blood is toxic to vampires. They also cannot taste divine blood, as it will be the same as sucking down sunlight. Furthermore, the vampire reproduction method is insanely complicated, leading to very few new vampires. Oh, and Doctor Kaizer had the entire species wiped out in the 14th century. Only a handful escaped to prowl tonight’s streets.
SPIRITUAL UNDEAD:
Ghost: Technically, ALL of these creatures are ghosts. However, the actual terminology is a little different.
A regular ghost is, simply put, a representation of a person’s soul. Usually, the ghost exits their host within minutes of death (thus explaining why resurrecting someone isn’t all that easy), and quickly fade into whatever future existence they are fated for. However, if emotional links are significantly strong, they can resist the call to whatever existence awaits them (sadly mostly Hell in this universe), and instead dwell upon our mortal coil until their needs are met. On ocassion, some good-natured person will come by and help them accomplish their goal. Most often, however, their sheer frustration and anger causes them to transform into a type of Wraith, as evidenced below.
Wraith: To put it simplest, a wraith is a spiritual representation of a person’s greed, their most needy desires laid bare to the world. This does not necessarily need to be money or property; it can be revenge, a loved one, a family member’s wellbeing, whatever. It doesn’t matter how noble their aims once were; given enough time, ANY GHOST WILL TURN INTO A WRAITH. Common subtypes include:
-Phantoms: Wraiths that have devolved into little more than total shadows. Often invisible, save for small blurs on cameras or in ominous hallways.
-Rusalkas: Wraiths of young women, often murdered by drowning. They are often nude, and seek to murder any man that approaches them. Are also not adverse to child murder.
-Jikininkis: Wraiths that must kill and eat human flesh to keep their form. Very common in East Asia.
-Banshees: Wraiths that hunt down those destined to soon die. If they find someone, they will scream out, alerting whatever Death is on duty at the time.
There are many, many others, of course. These are just a tiny sampling of the dangers these beings represent. However, unlike ghosts, wraiths are at least somewhat corporeal; they CAN be destroyed, although such a feat usually requires some magic. Once dispatched, their spirits pass on into the afterlife, unlike our next example.
Death: Yes, Death itself is natural. However, the existence of an actual Grim Reaper is a far different story. Throughout the RPGCVerse’s history, good and bad people have lived and died. Because of our very poor list of afterlife choices, most people either end up in the infernal realms, or are reincarnated right back onto this sinful Earth. However, on occasion, someone will be SO wicked, SO utterly evil that even Hell won’t touch them. And since the Heavens are obviously sealed off, their souls are forced back into Limbo.
A number of these souls end up in the halls of Shaherizad, the Lord of the Dead himself. In order to escape this fate worse than death, they are transformed into literal representations of Death. They are given their own living quarters (in a secluded portion of Hell), are given regular work hours, and are otherwise untouched by everyone else. Meanwhile, they go around harvesting anyone on their list, pausing only to deal with whatever other ordeals Shaherizad has going on.
Naturally, such beings are cold and emotionally distant in their few interactions with the living. (Other than, you know, harvesting the seeds.) However, contrary to popular perception, they are NOT invisible. In most cases, they simply appear, snatch the soul, and disappear without so much as a pause. However, if the situation is grave enough (such as a mass murder of a freak accident), they will appear within the crowds, or perhaps even set the events in motion. Needless to say, Death’s agents find themselves being hired out to more powerful beings on many occasions.
A grim reaper CAN work off their sentence, and thus be free from their ghastly profession. Unfortunately, this is not the wonderful thing it’s made out to be. Any Death that has pulled himself/herself from the depths of Hell will find nothing awaiting them…literally. Their souls simply cease to exist. No reincarnation, no paradise, not even a flaming pit and red devils. They’re screwed.
RPGC does have its own Death, Nulani. From what I can gather, she was a Norwegian bandit leader trying to launch a war against the Norse gods. When she proved herself sufficiently dangerous enough to warrant their attention, the gods actually sent Lenneth to finish her off. Before the fight could even begin, however, Loki pushed a cart of maneuver down a steep hill, running Nulani over. She got kicked into working as Death, and the rest is history.
Faeries: There are simply too many of these beings to catalogue. For the most part, they live secluded from humans, make themselves visible only when they want to be seen, and don’t take humans in high regard. They are often magical in nature, and use their powers mostly for pranks on unsuspecting people and animals.
And then there are the True Fae. Let’s…not speak of the True Fae.
Perhaps I shall explore these terms more seriously later. In the meantime, we should be moving onto our next topic.
Next Time: The First Coming of Mox and the Temporal Destruction of Daemon.
Nice to see you update this, d.
Your versions of the undead are pretty interesting, especially your origin for vampires. I assume your connecting White Mages to undead is based on the idea that they manipulate Life Force to heal, and that it could be used to animated the dead as well.
Looking up for more. 
Prepare for more dissapointment.
Chapter 10: The Troubled Times
Although conflict and strife are far from abnormal in the RPGCVerse, a particularly heated period occurred between the years of 2001 and 2005 CE. Our universe was defended time and again by the brave heroes of RPGC, all of whom destiny was kind enough to rope into one location without any sort of contrived coincidence. In the end, our universe survived, stronger than ever.
Galloway has already compiled a series of tomes regarding these events. However, they are crudely written, filled with historical inaccuracies, have a far too strong tendency to Gary Stuedom, and quite frankly the early ones should be burned. Still, a brief covering of these events will be of immense help to those seeking an understanding of just what the fuck happened.
THE RETURN OF MOX (Summer 2001)
Morgan Orsland Xian (aka Mox), long thought dead after being dumped down a mountain, returned to the world of the living. His first act was to try and find Blue Robe and White Robe, the two mages that had defeated him before. Unfortunately, they were too well hidden, so he went after the next best thing: their descendants, Galloway and Weiila. Using a new ray gun, he age regressed Weiila, but was stopped before he could do the same to Galloway.
Gathering a band of unlikely and copyright-infringing allies, the two journeyed across the world in order to stop Mox from activating a series of pentagrams. The sacred spots were important because they were direct funnels for all schools of magic. Since Mox’s last attempt at seizing the Black Pentagram, the whole thing was sealed up; only by unlocking all the other pentagrams could he access the buried powers. He gathered his own allies, most notably his son Falchin and the ninja Dragon, and fought a series of battles against the heroes.
Of course, narrative causality prohibits the heroes from saving the Pentagrams; in short order, Mox had all he needed to access the Black Pentagram. The heroes journeyed across dimensions to the Black Mage Village, the last surviving refuge of Black Magic’s Precursors. Weiila was saved from danger by Blue Robe and White Robe, now immortal thanks to a fountain of youth mishap. While unconscious, they reversed her regression, and with the help of Mox’s daughter, Meliah, travelled to the Black Pentagram.
The heroes and villains fought one last time, with the good guys obviously winning. Galloway, Weiila and Meliah made their way to the Pentagram. Once again, Mox had beat them to it, killing Falchin and immersing himself in the Pentagram’s power. However, Galloway managed to use the Everlasting Rag (a chloroform-soaked rag he had been carrying the whole adventure) to screw up the Pentagram’s precarious balance. The whole thing subsequently overloaded. The heroes managed to escape, but Mox and Falchin were sucked up into the following explosion.
THE TIME TRAVEL INCIDENT (Fall 2002)
It all started with some Final Fantasy characters, a get-rich-quick scheme, and Mr. T. Daemon, an ancient Irish sorcerer and former accomplice of Mox, decided to market water from the fountain of youth to fund his schemes. Unfortunately, Locke stole his entire supply, and came up with the same idea. A few misadventures later, Daemon was left broke. Furthermore, one of his old enemies had located his base, and hired MERC to flush him out.
With Mox seemingly dead, Daemon decided to seize power himself, this time by summoning the Dark One Avoozl. He resurrected Red Phoenix, Galloway’s murderous former commander, and sent the cyborg to kill the heroes.
Unfortunately, Phoenix soon proved to be utterly incompetent, and was killed time and again. Every new body he got was more mechanical than the last, until he was nothing more than a large machine…which Esker effortlessly destroyed.
Daemon’s ace, though, was his ability to travel through time. Using this power, he tried to kill the Final Fantasy characters (to retake his beloved original scheme), and then tried to erase Galloway and Weiila from existence. (That one didn’t pan out so well.) With nothing left to do, he decided to revert to his original scheme of summoning the Dark One. He lured the heroes into the one place where the Dark One could be summoned, and forced them to go along with the ritual. However, Daemon ended up getting destroyed by the same powers he sought to control. Weiila sealed both Avoozl and what was left of Daemon into the sorcerer’s time-travelling amulet. She then dumped a bottle of holy water over the thing, disenchanting it completely and obliterating both of its occupants.
Then she decided to get some payback, age regressed Galloway, Starstorm and Pokefreak, and forced them to dwell within her house of horrors for a week. Nobody knows what happened in there, but to this day, Galloway can’t stand being upside down.
Next update: The Naar Saga, King of Fanfiction, and Origins Saga.
I wish more articles “disappointed” me as much as yours, d.
Not to mention that the way my memory has been getting worse over the years (that’s not a joke) having one place to reference all your fics is a great help.
I still hate Pearls Before Swine, tho.
Always good to see you write, d. Even if we don’t say anything.
Though, I probably should re-read your old stuff. Refreash my memory, so to speak.
THE FIRST DARK WAR (Summer 2003)
During the previous events, Naar was busying himself with various planetary conquests, completely ignorant of his followers’ actions in the RPGCVerse. However, once he realized all his agents were dead, he immediately travelled to our world to destroy the interlopers. Meanwhile, Falchin also returned, now trapped inside Mox’s cursed armor. The actual Mox was still alive, and without the armor’s controlling forces, he was more powerful than ever.
Upon Naar’s landing in North Dakota, the heroes arrived to investigate. However, they were obviously no match for the villain, and survived only when Galloway used a suicidal attack to blow the god back. The defeated heroes were rescued by a large party of RPGCers, all of whom were hanging out in the middle of North Dakota for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
What followed…defies description. Naar planned some sort of sacrifice to regain all of his lost powers. To do this, he travelled to, and took over, the Digital World’s earth analogue. Galloway ended up stumbling across the Sommerswerd, the only weapon capable of destroying Naar, and trained to be a Kai Lord. The heroes rode around in the Flying Bunker. A bunch of people got knocked around time. Pointless cameos were made. An attempt at summoning a backup Galloway ended up calling F. Galloway instead. And there was something to do with a sentient can of baked beans.
The whole mess ended with the heroes reuniting…only to be all defeated by Mox. Before the mage could, you know, kill them or anything, he ended up getting distracted by a jar of honey. (Which was carried by a visiting Winnie-the-Pooh. Yes, this adventure was fucking ridiculous.) Weiila then speared him with Gungnir, while Falchin grabbed his ankles and self-destructed, killing both himself and his evil father. The heroes then stormed Naar’s castle, defeating his many lawsuit-bait minions before taking on the big god himself. Of course, Galloway then made the whole thing a one-on-one duel, and was properly thrashed before getting in a cheap shot, stabbing Naar with the Sommerswerd, and using the Trigger spell to set off the magic inside, destroying both the god and the sword.
Unfortunately, Mox, now a full demon, fought his way out of Hell and arrived on the scene. Seeing Galloway near death, and filled with a strange sense of honorable retribution, the former mage rescued his nemesis and took him back to the Flying Bunker. And so our tale ended…except Galloway now had a monkey tail for no reason.
THE KING OF FANFICTION (Summer 2003)
After years of torture, Weiila was finally rendered near-dead by everyone chasing her for updates. With her incapacitation, a new King of Fanfiction contest was held. Twelve contestants would journey from RPGC to various parts of the world, gathering the long-lost Treasures of Fanfiction. Whoever brought back the most would be given the title, and all the responsibilities therein. The contestants included Galloway, Ersatz, Archone, Valkyrie Esker, Kaiser, Wil, Dante, Scott Baird, Sephiroth Hayes, Mazrim Taim, and Weiila herself.
Galloway and Val got knocked out for most of the contest, stuck in a spectral cave between space and time. By the end of it, they had two treasures, but were also married due to time travel. Meanwhile, the heroes managed to calm the Very Scary Forest of Bad Things, fixed the Land of Depression, and even resurrected the long-thought-lost Airship Shaheenjim. From there, the heroes travelled to ancient temples and even to Gilligan’s Island (where Dante was presumably killed), before all joining together for one final battle against the evil spirit of ShaheenJim.
When the dust settled, the heroes all returned to the castle, treasures in hand. Unfortunately, since everyone claimed one item, a vote had to be cast. Esker won by a landslide, making herself the new undisputed King of Fanfiction. Unfortunately, the job was really little more than a glorified janitor, and Weiila quickly let her off the hook.
GOD (Summer 2003)
Following the conclusion of the First Dark War, a small number of RPGCers stayed in the Digital World’s Earth, trying to find a means of reversing the last few vestiges of Naar’s affliction. Unbeknownst to them, Mox was also sticking around, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. Unfortunately for him, he was ambushed by a hulking Galloway clone and nearly killed. At the same time, Maria, Galloway and Val’s daughter from the future, travelled back to warn the heroes about GOD, some super-powered villain capable of destroying entire worlds at a time.
Upon learning of the Galloway clone, the heroes had no choice but to ally with Mox and take him down. In their absence, however, all of their work was destroyed, setting them back months. Fortunately, there was a backup; one of the clones apparently had a Dragon Ball, meaning they could collect the others and wish everything away. (I’m sorry, I wish I was making that up.) To that end, the heroes (plus villain) travelled across space and time, defeating the various clones.
Meanwhile, Galloway began to suffer strange dreams, detailing a science experiment involving a series of strangely familiar human infants. It was not until the heroes, Dragon Balls gathered, chased Dr. Kaizer into the future that the truth was revealed. GOD was, in fact, a powered-up and maniacally insane future Galloway. In fact, Galloway himself was a product of Kaizer’s mad science, and his nightmarish dreams were linked to the initial culling process of the experiment.
Unfortunately, Mox realized this first. Figuring his chances of killing the present Galloway were far better, he pulled D aside and fought him yet again. Galloway was knocked unconscious, but Mox was forced to flee…and ran right into GOD. The being had already defeated the present and future heroes, and made quick work of the demon, throwing him right into Hell. Galloway then arrived, but was almost immediately overpowered, as well. To add insult to injury, his two MERC companions, Brown Cougar and Yellow Tiger, were both seemingly killed.
Finally, another Future Galloway appeared out of nowhere, resolving everything in a far-too-tight Deus Ex Machina. This was Kaizer’s doing; the doctor had to abort everything, or risk destroying the universe in a paradox. However, he still took Yellow Tiger’s body, and tricked Galloway into following him into the same hospital the experiment had been performed in. The two fought in a final gun fight, which ended with Kaizer blowing the entire hospital apart. Galloway survived, albeit very badly burnt; Kaizer and Yellow Tiger were nowhere to be seen.
As for the Dragon Balls…Gemini wasted our wish on Chicken McNuggets.
THE MOVIE SAGAS AND DEFENDERS OF FANFICTION
These did not happen. At all.
To be fair, a few parts of them are technically true. Here’s a summarized list:
-A fat slob named Mitchell DID join the RPGCPD, as a replacement for a deceased Fou-Lu and new superhero Heaven’s Soldier. He did nothing but drink beer, occasionally get into a fight, and got killed during Naar’s last invasion.
-Galloway DID get the sword Skarn-Skae. However, this was NOT because of some other superpowered threat. Lone Wolf gave him the weapon because he was cleaning out his armory, and had already crafted a few hundred far more powerful weapons. Still helpful to have, but nothing really significant.
-Sinistral DID buy a Matter-Transference Device. It broke down after causing a massive blackout. The Movie Saga 2 was Galloway’s scrambled, disjointed mess of a story of what COULD have happened by activating the machine.
-There WAS a “Break Shit With Your Bare Hands” contest. Kagon won.
-There really WAS a villain named Mary Sue…well, okay, most of that fight did happen.
Other than that, nothing about these stories should be regarded as anything other than fiction on the level of a penny dreadful. It was obvious that Galloway had no idea who the people of RPGC were, or why they did the things they did. Furthermore, the events presented are so hackneyed, scatterbrained, and generally nonsensical that they simply cannot happen. As such, forget they ever existed.
Yes! I actually REMEMBER some of these plotlines!! My memory is not entirely gone!! :biggrin:
And allow me to once again fawn over your ability to keep writing these things over the years and not succumb to writer fatigue.
And thanks for finally removing those odious Pearl Before Swine strips! …Oh wait, is the link just broken?