Guh. Way to go mom.

The Core RPGC Main Forum
1

Now then, this requires a little backstory of the main person involved.

His name is Chris. He is, (and has been since his secondary school days), an alcoholic and a hash user. He might use other drugs, but hash and alcohol are the certain ones.

He has being convicted at least once for theft.

His own father suggested that a few months in jail might help him out.

He has shown no sign of a desire to change or to work.

Previously, mom had being giving him money, until eventually he came up to the house one day and said “I know 20 euro is too much to ask,” at which point mom closed the door on him after saying “Yes it is”. However, this is just an example of how he keeps pushing the line if you give him an inch.

So what does she do? He asks for a sandwich. My brother and his girllfriend, my other brother, myself and my sister were all eating dinner at this point.

So she invites him in for the sandwich. Sits him on a stool in the kitchen and tries to talk to him.

I should probably point out that he’s almost certainly insane, without a girlfriend, my sister’s 15 and she was going to this youth club tonight.

So she gives him the sandwich in the house despite all this.

Now, I found this not only uncomfortable, but I also just wouldn’t have given him a sandwich, as I feel it was just supporting his habit. Which is not helping in my opinion. Now, we’ve had a discussion on this, and we all agreed that it definitly wasn’t good to let him into the house with his track record, though the others said (and I agree with now is a good plan) that give him a sandwich, but with some (measurable) condition. And then not give him another until it had being met.

Okay, that’s it. Mainly I just wanted to vent, but I’d be interested in knowing your views on this.

2

I don’t understand how he’s related to anyone in the story and thus why he’s getting anything from anyone.

3

He isn’t. He’s just some guy who’s being coming around for five years and who mom feels sorry for and gives free stuff to.

Really. I wish I was lying about that.

4

Well, I’m sure that your mother is just trying to do something good, but it’s probably not working out very well at all. Still, I can’t blame her for her good will - it’s just the way that she does it that apparently isn’t so good. :confused:

5

Your family is retarded.

6

Yeah, not a very good idea. I’m all for helping people who try to change for the better, but there’s a nutjob like that in my very same block and we all agreed to pretty much ignore the guy after he proved to be hopeless. There’s quite a line between being kind or courteous and putting your own family at risk by allowing a very possibly dangerous element into your own space.

7

Types of sandwich to consider for next time he pulls that shit-

-Cold Turkey Sandwich
-Knuckle Sandwich
-Truncheon Meat Sandwich

N. B. Gram, Your friendly neighbourhood gourmet. :slight_smile:

8

Goddamn sandwich junkies.

9

Well, until you said that he wasn’t related to anyone in your family I was going to say that people like that just need help.

But since he’s not related, tell him to fuck off and if he shows up again beat him with a bat.

10

He’s a lazy alcoholic bum. You don’t invite him, you take him back to the dole queue and leave him there with a few friendly words of encouragement and a membership card to the AA.

11

I LOL’d. Thank you. :slight_smile:

12

He sounds like a dog.

13

Not really, it’s just mom doesn’t like to see someone suffering and thinks that by giving him a sandwich and therefore ‘Seeing him as a human being’ might help him quit (though I obviously disagree -_-). Just because she wants to help someone, doesn’t make her retarded, though she could certainly have done so in a way which wouldn’t have made us all worried and uncomfortable.

And as that was only one person in our family who said he sould be let in at all, and one other who would’ve given him a sandwich, don’t call my family retarded. It’s a stupid comment, and you aren’t.

I’m not defending what mom did though, that was stupid. On the plus side, when he returned later that night (presumably hoping for somewhere to stay) she just shut the door on him. Which was a relief.

14

I still think you’re a god. :hahaha;

Also, that guy is creepy.

15

Ok. Not only did the first part of your story have nothing to do with the second part (aside from teh fact he’s a drug addict), but it didnt go anywhere.

What a shitty story.

16

Yes, Mr-my-girlfriend-wants-to-leave-me-wah-wah-wah. Whatever you say.

The point of the first was to make you understand that this was not some unfortunate guy mom was helping, but a druggie alcoholic who showed no intention of turning around and was only going to use this as a support mechanism.

Way to not pick up on it.

And why would it have to go anywhere? All it was was something that happened, and me commenting on it and saying that while mom might’ve helped him, doing it that way wasn’t a good way? It’s not an intricate masterpiece with a plot or something.

17

People don’t change and no there is no inherent goodness in people. Your mother is naive and is living in her own bubble if she thinks she can make a difference. She is not analyzing the situation in all its detail and is only seeing what it is she wants to see so that it fits in her idealized perception instead of facing the cold hard truth of the reality that is outside your house.

You can’t help other people, people help themselves when they need it. Its human nature to use other people as crutches to avoid having to face difficulties. QED.

18

So you’re pretty much saying that he deserves no help whatsoever, and should just be left alone? Although this might bring him to his sense (unlikely). The mother in the story (unsure if it’s Chris’ or Cavelcade’s) is just trying to help him get back on his feet.

I understand what you’re saying, how people tend to help themselves when needed, but it’s very much possible to get <i>others to help</i>. Like rehab or whatever.

19

Long time to “get back on his feet.” In all honesty, just stop letting the guy in. Talk to your mom about it and if it keeps happening, take it up with the moocher. If he refuses to stop coming over then just kick him in the nuts and slam the door in his face. Problem solved.

But seriously, just try talking to them. If it doesn’t work, do what you deem necessary.

20

He deserves help if he’s going to use that help constructively. For instance, if he had a job interview he had to get to, but didn’t have a ride, then it would be productive to give him a ride to it. Or, money for bus fare.

The problem with what your mom is doing is that she’s supporting him when he’s not doing anything. Her help isn’t contributing to him getting better, because he’s not using that help to in turn help himself.

This is what’s really at the heart of the welfare debate - how do you know if helping someone will give them an opportunity to help themselves? In this case, the answer’s simple - if he hasn’t used the first few opportunities your mom has given him to do something productive, he probably won’t in the future. Course, on occasion there are miracles…

Anyway, as to whether what your mom’s doing is wrong or not, did you ever consider maybe she just likes him? I mean, shes not giving him your money - shes giving him her money. I can understand if you think he may do something dangerous, but he hasn’t yet, and its been how long?