Good while it lasted?

Well the believed to be “impossible” happened. I broke up with my gf…based on her reasoning that we’re totally different people and that apparently the opposite’s attract thing is good but the things that mattered to her most we differed on. I know this sounds like a lament thread but hear me out. I was curious of your opinion in this matter. Apparently, I’m the bad guy when she wants to go to Honduras or Nicaragua for a summer vacation, or even social work in Africa. I on the other hand wanted to relax and go somewhere nice…making me the “ignorant” one just b/c I don’t want to catch gonosyphilherpelitis in Africa. I wanted Ireland, she said there’s not as much culture there as in a shithole like Managua, where she caught dormant TB.

The main problem is this. She’s 18, and idealist, and a zealot in Navy ROTC (Info I need your input on this). I’m 20, a realist, and a decent but modest cadet in Army ROTC. Thinking ROTC is the actual Navy, she pursues the military in an idealistic manner, thinking that the shiniest shoes, the crispest uniform, and unbending loyalty to the ideals should be mandatory. She called it unwarranted that I held the National Guard, especially my infantry unit, to a much higher level and slammed Army ROTC (they gave me so much red tape bullshit for 3 years and denied me a scholarship). If anyone knows anything about ROTC, they’ll know that there are those zealots who always try to be the best and rigidly follow everything including the bureaucratic officer corps. I call them lapdogs and idealists. Funny thing is with her…she does well and has motivation, and I’ll give her credit for that, but she can’t even pass her PT test. Also, she’s adamant for women in combat roles. Really liking that Hollywood schlock GI Jane, she’s under the belief that women should be admitted in all combat roles. I don’t mind women in combat arms as long as feminism doesn’t emerge and there’s equal and not special treatment, but I know the economic and even social/ethical issues that would plague it. I used to be like her, idealistic and very “hooah” (I hate that term) about the Army, but over the years I’ve seen the bullshit the military can bring, and my opinion now of ROTC is of bullshit, popularity contests, favoritism, and double standards. I have good reason to think that her idealism will be crushed sooner or later. Is she an idiot or am I a bad guy? I’m just playing the realist, knowing that the military isn’t all glory and blind patriotism like I used to believe in. Once again Info your input is probably the best.

Her idealism goes even more on a trip when she tells me she thinks about marriage, kids, jobs, and her aspiration to be the first Korean female president (not gonna happen), with ideals such as mandatory community service and language courses for kids (not economically/logically sound). She used to come to me stressed that b/c she didn’t transfer to Cornell, employers might discredit her for going to BU and not Cornell…and she preached about working “non sibi” (not for oneself). Why does an 18-year-old worry about such things? It’s good to plan for the future, but she’s fixing herself to this one almighty plan, and what many sergeants and officers have told me, no plan ever works out the exact way you wanted. Kudos to her for the dreaming, but she has no idea on what she’s up against. I have goals, but not to the extreme such as that. I want to work in the govt., have a family, and be happy, but I just happen to be more realistic about it, knowing how amazingly difficult and bureaucratic it’s gonna be to get into politics, and idealists don’t make it in US politics (unless it’s religious like the neo-cons but her idealism won’t make it).

Finally we reach the question. Am I at fault for putting realism in the spotlight and not 100% blindly encouraging her, or was she being way too idealistic for us to even be compatible? Knowing she dated assholes and then me, a small part of me thinks she dated me (nice guy) to feel better and now can go date assholes again. I guess I didn’t have my head in the clouds enough to be compatible, but was I in error. If you read all this I give you a lot of credit.

Good riddance. Don’t doubt 1 second that you’re better off without her. She’s a narrow minded idiot. And if you want a list of lethal and incurable reasons as to why you won’t want to go to these places she wants to go, send me a pm.

She didn’t want to go to Ireland because it’s uncultured? Jesus Christ on a stick, you’re better off without her, man. I’d love to go to Ireland if I had the money! And like Sin said, uh… the places where she wants to go aren’t safe. For various reasons. Unfortunately, she’ll probably be very ill if she keeps going to places like that.

Bravo, I’d say.

Oh well, I can’t disagree. Because I’m just a kid.

I would’ve done the same thing in your place though.

I think that her motivation is good and I it great that she does everything in the ROTC the best that she can, but yeah, holding ROTC above the real thing is sort of stupid. If she wants to treat ROTC like its the real thing, that is great, it’ll just make her more prepared. She can’t PT? She’ll never get anywhere in the military…well maybe in the Air Force. You’d think that with all her motivation she’d be upset with herself and be working hard to improve. It isn’t that hard to pass a PFT. I’d be fine with them in combat roles, but it still wouldn’t be equal, women would still receive some special treatment (look no further than the lower PFT requirements). She’s not really an idiot and you’re not really a bad guy, it’s somewhere in the middle. Her ideals are blinding her a little, but somethings you just have to let them go (some of these things I’d say to stand your ground on though, like the actual military being better than ROTC).

As for the break-up, I say it’s fine. I mean, she’s a bit excstatic and seemed to be using you more.

Methinks she probably got upset at the fact that I wasn’t as gung-ho as she was about ROTC, mostly because of a long history of a tit for tat battle I fought with them ever since I got a boot Freshman year for having asthma at 9, then I had to enlist, go to BCT/AIT, and finally get back in only to be cleared too late for a scholarship. Now can one see why I have hatred towards ROTC?

Really liking that Hollywood schlock GI Jane, she’s under the belief that women should be admitted in all combat roles. I don’t mind women in combat arms as long as feminism doesn’t emerge and there’s equal and not special treatment
Ah, feminism! The culmination of pretense! One of my favourite topics. At it’s birth, feminism had high ideals. Stanch the oppression of women. Equal rights, status, and freedoms. How noble.

Too bad I can’t say the same for it’s present state. I can’t believe there are still little girls like your ex running around claiming that women are as war-oriented as men. They want it all, don’t they? They’re not content to be built for motherhood. That’s just not up to par with their idealized self-definition, is it? They want to be stronger than men, richer than men, and better parents than men. And they talk themselves into believing they are. Quite a shame that, like I’ve always said, statements aren’t self-fulfilling. Things aren’t made true simply by stating them, and that’s the bane of feminism.

And then there are radical feminists, who are just plain suicidal. If I was told there were people so insecure with their own gender that they wanted, to put it bluntly, to destroy the human race, I would have laughed for hours. Enter radical feminsts. Radical feminism is the essence of double standards. If you think the hero/slut conundrum is bad, I’m sure you’d love hearing about how all sex is rape unless the woman initiates it.

I think I’ll cut this rant short. You get the gist.

Edit: By the way, about your ex. Good riddance >_>;

Is it North Korea or South Korea? or maybe just Koreatown in LA.

She could maybe be mayor of Whoretown

She’s South Korean…but she means American president.

Well good sir, I say you forget about this dumb bitch. Also, get some revenge in whatever way possible. I remember my act of vengence once, although I think the pictures scared Charlemange too much. :stuck_out_tongue:

I don’t know your ex, but I have to say from personal experience that idealists get hit really fucking hard at one point or another. I was looking at the best of everything and “living life to the fullest” for a while before my father died, and I suppose that kind of incident leaves me biased, but I much prefer to view things from a worst case scenario perspective, so when the worst does happen my attitude is “tough shit” and when it doesn’t happen I’m happy. Your ex has these great aspirations and dreams, but when she realizes that her chances of achieving them are little to none, it’ll bring her down real hard. And between you and me (and anyone else who reads this), I’d rather not have to support an idealist who realizes how small she really is, that the world is not one big happy place out to make her life easy - because if anything she would bring you down with her. I don’t mean to sound vindictive or judgemental, but good riddance nonetheless.

I can already see where she’ll get hit hard. Since she can’t PT (which is key in every branch, except maybe the Air Force), she’ll never get through any initial training (enlisted and or especially officer).

What’s PT?

Phsyical training maybe?


OK, I’ll be the dissenter here with opinions. Did you do the right thing? Even though 2 people may not be similar, may hold differing views, they can still love each other.

That’s my sincere hope. And this kind of hope will affect my future relationship, too.

Clearly your 18 years spent living as a male in the middle of nowhere Ontario, watching anime and jerking off to tentacle rape hentai has given you a perfectly clear and deep insight into the eternal plight of women across the world and the noble movement for their freedom and equality. But in your case, I’d wager to bet that 99.9% of all females are already stronger than you (jerking off does not build up your biceps) and could whip your ass back to Nuvanut in the battle of the sexes, regardless of the already obvious fact that they would make an infinitely better parent than you and will probably achieve more and become richer and more self-fulfilled than you. So in that case, I guess I can understand your frustration.

Also, I’d like the phone number of this girl who thinks that loyalty is the most important thing ever. After she sees my penis, ROTC won’t have shit on this right here.

If you’re such a “realist”, why are you so damn concerned with what her past was like? What’s up with you guys who can’t get past your girlfriend’s ex’s? If you can’t deal with that shit, go find some virgin. But don’t forget, every year you age, there’s going to be fewer and fewer of them. Maybe you should start being a “realist” and get past the fact she dated “assholes” (aren’t all of our ex’s bitches or assholes? hey guess what mr nice guy, i’ll bet she’s going to start lumping you in with the assholes now too!) and just take this shit how it is now? If you’re such a “nice guy,” why do you have to be bringing her down on her ideals and hopes and dreams? Who the fuck cares if she will never achieve them? It isn’t your job as a boyfriend to remind her of the fact. It’s your job, especially if you’re the “nice guy” to support her and when things don’t go as they planned, and maybe help and offer alternatives. Or, gasp, maybe even help her accomplish them? Do you honestly believe that you have a better grasp of “reality” than she does or anybody else for that matter? How “realistic” is it to think that you understand the world any better than she does? Sounds to me like you are living in a dream world of your own where you’ve got all the answers about how to live in the REAL WORLD. I’ll give you a hint: the “real world” is too complex for any of us to ever hope to comprehend by ourselves, and just because you think you’re some kind of “realist” doesn’t give you a monopoly on “reality.”

Granted, it sounds like there are plenty of other problems. But even still, I don’t buy your explanation. What the fuck are you REALLY trying to say? This isn’t some shit about you being a “realist” and her being an “idealist” or you being too much of a “nice guy.” That’s a crock of horseshit. If any of my friends came up to me and told me he broke up with his girlfriend and I asked him why and he said “well dude she was too much of an idealist for me” i’d punch him in the mouth, even if he WAS in the army. If you want some real advice, maybe you should think about why you really broke up with her, then get back to us.

She seems quite naive, the kind that refuses to accept the fact that no one is forced to think like her. She is indeed going to be seriously disappointed, but she’ll have no one to blame but herself. There’s nothing wrong with idealism, but taking everything to extremes never does any good.
And if she likes going around with jerks, it’s not your problem. It’s not your fault if she has bad taste. Good riddance. If she dumped you over such a simple difference of opinions, then she’s too shallow and not worth your time.

As for those comments about feminism, there’s a huge difference between wanting equal rights and going around on “men are pigs” stuff, demanding preferential treatment. That’s hypocrisy, and if they want to be taken seriously, then feminists should shut those stupid radicals up.