Well the believed to be “impossible” happened. I broke up with my gf…based on her reasoning that we’re totally different people and that apparently the opposite’s attract thing is good but the things that mattered to her most we differed on. I know this sounds like a lament thread but hear me out. I was curious of your opinion in this matter. Apparently, I’m the bad guy when she wants to go to Honduras or Nicaragua for a summer vacation, or even social work in Africa. I on the other hand wanted to relax and go somewhere nice…making me the “ignorant” one just b/c I don’t want to catch gonosyphilherpelitis in Africa. I wanted Ireland, she said there’s not as much culture there as in a shithole like Managua, where she caught dormant TB.
The main problem is this. She’s 18, and idealist, and a zealot in Navy ROTC (Info I need your input on this). I’m 20, a realist, and a decent but modest cadet in Army ROTC. Thinking ROTC is the actual Navy, she pursues the military in an idealistic manner, thinking that the shiniest shoes, the crispest uniform, and unbending loyalty to the ideals should be mandatory. She called it unwarranted that I held the National Guard, especially my infantry unit, to a much higher level and slammed Army ROTC (they gave me so much red tape bullshit for 3 years and denied me a scholarship). If anyone knows anything about ROTC, they’ll know that there are those zealots who always try to be the best and rigidly follow everything including the bureaucratic officer corps. I call them lapdogs and idealists. Funny thing is with her…she does well and has motivation, and I’ll give her credit for that, but she can’t even pass her PT test. Also, she’s adamant for women in combat roles. Really liking that Hollywood schlock GI Jane, she’s under the belief that women should be admitted in all combat roles. I don’t mind women in combat arms as long as feminism doesn’t emerge and there’s equal and not special treatment, but I know the economic and even social/ethical issues that would plague it. I used to be like her, idealistic and very “hooah” (I hate that term) about the Army, but over the years I’ve seen the bullshit the military can bring, and my opinion now of ROTC is of bullshit, popularity contests, favoritism, and double standards. I have good reason to think that her idealism will be crushed sooner or later. Is she an idiot or am I a bad guy? I’m just playing the realist, knowing that the military isn’t all glory and blind patriotism like I used to believe in. Once again Info your input is probably the best.
Her idealism goes even more on a trip when she tells me she thinks about marriage, kids, jobs, and her aspiration to be the first Korean female president (not gonna happen), with ideals such as mandatory community service and language courses for kids (not economically/logically sound). She used to come to me stressed that b/c she didn’t transfer to Cornell, employers might discredit her for going to BU and not Cornell…and she preached about working “non sibi” (not for oneself). Why does an 18-year-old worry about such things? It’s good to plan for the future, but she’s fixing herself to this one almighty plan, and what many sergeants and officers have told me, no plan ever works out the exact way you wanted. Kudos to her for the dreaming, but she has no idea on what she’s up against. I have goals, but not to the extreme such as that. I want to work in the govt., have a family, and be happy, but I just happen to be more realistic about it, knowing how amazingly difficult and bureaucratic it’s gonna be to get into politics, and idealists don’t make it in US politics (unless it’s religious like the neo-cons but her idealism won’t make it).
Finally we reach the question. Am I at fault for putting realism in the spotlight and not 100% blindly encouraging her, or was she being way too idealistic for us to even be compatible? Knowing she dated assholes and then me, a small part of me thinks she dated me (nice guy) to feel better and now can go date assholes again. I guess I didn’t have my head in the clouds enough to be compatible, but was I in error. If you read all this I give you a lot of credit.