Maybe I’ll just have an intermission from seriousness chapter and put that in. Heck, I might even bring in the Bomb monsters. It’ll be fun 
A/N: And now, the end of Chapter four. Inspiration returned…sorry it took so long.
The group sat around a carefully concealed campfire, some talking, some listening and some just staring at the nothing in the flames. The night had turned out to be cloudless, and very, very cold. Frost was already forming outside the circle of light and heat provided by the fire.
Caeda was one of those staring at the red and yellow dance of the blaze in front of them. He couldn’t get that footprint out of his mind. It was just so…obvious. It made him feel like he was walking into something he wouldn’t walk out of. So he had insisted the fire be small and well-hidden. He had seen the need for it, on a night like this, though he hadn’t liked it. The only consolation was that the stillness would mean they would hear anything coming long before it arrived. Or so he hoped, anyway. Still, a little extra time wouldn’t hurt. He looked up.
“Vincent, would you mind finding somewhere to stand watch? I would like to know before hand if anything was sneaking up on us. I’ll take over after a while.” Vincent said nothing, merely nodded and turned away into the darkness. Caeda lay back, deciding to get some sleep before he had to watch. And as he slept, he dreamed…
He sat on one side of a chess board, his pieces in place, the black ones, ready for a match. He looked up at his opponent, but couldn’t make it out. It wasn’t that it was in shadows, it was just…undefined. The eye couldn’t capture what it was or the brain couldn’t comprehend what the eye witnessed. He glanced around, but all he could see of his surroudings was light, blinding white light. Then the figure opposite him communicated, not speaking, just…creating the words.
“I shall begin the match.” One of the white pawns moved, or at least went from one square to another. Caeda considered, then countered with his own move. So the game went until finally, Caeda saw an opening. A very obvious opening. It’s a trap. The Player would not make such a careless mistake. It must be a trap. He moved for safety. Five moves later he lost the match.
Again the words were there. “Why did you not attack the opening?”
“It was a trap,” Ceada replied, slightly suspicious.
“Was it?” There was the sense of a grin.
Caeda saw the board had been relaid as it was at that point. “Look at your move, Hunter. See.” So he looked. He looked from every angle he could find, but couldn’t find the trap.
“So? The trap I can’t see is the deadliest.”
The Player sighed. “There was no trap. Had you chose to attack, I would not have been able to stop you. I would have lost the match. There was a trap there, but it was a trap for your mind. I made you believe attacking was wrong, and so made you lose the game. Always remember, there are physical traps and there are mental traps.”
“Physical and mental…”
“Yes. Remember that much, and you will win.”
Then the dream faded and he woke up. As he lay there, he started talking to himself quietly. “Mental…win…I worry too much. But the plan will have to modified slightly. Still too dangerous. I need to think.” He stood up, and went to relieve Vincent.
A/N: Been a while since I updated, so here it is. 
Chaper 5
Caeda stood among the trees, keeping watch for anything suspicious, though his mind was truly as far from that as he could make it go. He was trying to adapt the original plan to incorporate what had happened. Unfortunately, he wasn’t entirely sure what that was, and that was making it a difficult task.
The question is…does he know? No, that’s not right. It’s how long he’s known that’s important. How long has he been planning for me.
A twigged snapped behind him, and he turned with the gun coming to his hand faster than the eye could follow. He relaxed slightly as he saw it was Vincent who was standing behind him. He shoved it back into it’s holster, half angry he hadn’t heard him earlier, half impressed Vincent had made it so close.
“What do you want? I thought I had relieved you for the night?” he asked roughly. He
disliked having his thoughts interrupted.
“I wish to speak to you about the plan. It has kept me awake, for I do not know what it is you intend after finding that print. It worries you?” Vincent answered.
He sagged slightly. “Yes it worries me. I think he knows I’m with you. If so, then he knows we’ll be following him closely. That print was too…obvious for anything else.”
“And what would you say it meant if he was unaware of that fact?”
“I’d say we’re screwed then, because he’s already too well dug in to be dug out without losing lives.”
“So what do you intend then, not knowing whether or not he’s aware that you’re with us or not?”
“I intend for a slight change to the plan. So far anyway. It is…difficult to make it so.”
“A slight change? Which is?”
“If I told you now Vincent, it would cement it. No, I’d prefer to think it over until morning. Then you’ll know, along with everyone else.”
Surprise showed for an instant on Vincent’s face, before he blanked it again. “That is certainly a change from the original”
Caeda nodded. “It is important…though it means I’ll have to tell the original as well. Which is…unfortunate.” He grinned cynically. “It will likely make them trust me even less than before.”
“No doubt it will. I had doubts over it’s…authenticity myself, and I knew the reasoning behind it was sound.” The ghost of a smile appeared on his face. “God only knows what Barret will think”
Caeda nodded. “Indeed. Now please leave me to my thoughts. And rest well Vincent, rest well. You are going to need it.”
Vincent raised an eyebrow in unspoken question, but Caeda had already turned away. He shrugged and left the Ancient to his thoughts.
As he heard Vincent leaving, he couldn’t stop the grin returning to his face. “God only knows what he’ll say to this one as well, my old friend. He might think it even worse than the original.” He settled himself with his back against a tree, and went through the plan again.
Tifa woke up slowly, not sure why it was she didn’t want to. Then she felt the grass under her face and remembered exactly why she didn’t want to wake up. She groaned and forced herself out of the sleeping bag in which she had spent the night. As she did, she became aware of the smell of cooking. She looked up and saw it was Vincent who was cooking breakfast.
“Heh, been a while since you’ve done this Vincent.”
He glanced up, nodded and went back to cooking without saying a word. She shook her head, smiling slightly. He was just the same, silent as always. Once they were all woken up and were finished eating, Cloud put down his plate and looked at Caeda. “Care to explain what you plan to do from here?”
Caeda looked at the ground for a moment, then looked up, straight at Cloud. “First, if you don’t mind, I will explain what I had originally intended. At first, I planned that we would all assault it together, then when we were in the middle of a fight, for me and Vincent to sneak away. I hoped you would think I had betrayed you and either fall back, drawing the monsters away, or get more determined and force more to come. Either way would have worked fine.”
Barret was glaring at him through the speech and chose that moment to speak up. “So you were gonna leave us to be cornered by monsters while you went away? Tha’s one hell of shitass plan, I gotta tell you. Sure it wasn’t just an excuse to get rid of us?”
Caeda raised one eyebrow sceptically. “Do you really think I’d be telling you if that was what I wanted?” He shook his head disgustedly. “Anyway, after I saw that print yesterday, it made me doubt myself. I think…no, I’m sure he knows I’m with you. However, it is not certain he expected this. In fact, I’d bet he didn’t.”
“So what’re you going to do now? I mean, you’re not just giving up are you?” Tifa questioned. She wasn’t really in doubt about what his answer would be, but she wanted to know what he planned.
“I plan for me and Vincent to go there alone, now.”
There was a stunned silence after this pronouncement, broken by Barret saying, “You really expect us to believe this crap? You think I don’ know what you gonna do to him once you’re outta sight?”
“Vincent trusts me. If he did not, he would not have agreed to either plan.”
They turned to Vincent, who simply nodded, meeting each of there gazes with his own, disquieting scarlet stare.
“However, I have a request to make of you.” They all faced Caeda again as he spoke. “If we do not return by midnight tomorrow, I want you to leave. Don’t tell us where, if we escape we’ll track you. If we haven’t returned and don’t find you, assume we’ve being captured,” he saw the sceptical look on Barret’s face and went on in a frustrated tone, “Or that I’ve betrayed you or whatever the hell you want to believe but get the hell outta this place!.
He waited till they all nodded before motioning to Vincent and turning away. As the forest swallowed them, Tifa whispered, “Good luck,” and turned to start clearing away the dishes. It needed to be done, so she was going to do it…
Wow! Its certainly been awhile, hasn’t it? Sorry it took me so long to get this C&C to you, but I sort of dropped of the face of the internet during this last semester at school… ^_^; Anyways, here’s some comments on the last couple of sections:
“Vincent, would you mind finding somewhere to stand watch? I would like to know before hand if anything was sneaking up on us. I’ll take over after a while.”
The wording of the phrase is a little awkward here… It’s certainly makes sense that they’d put out a watch, so maybe if this is changed to Caeda organizing the shifts for the watch? With all the people they can keep the shifts short so they can get the optimum rest, and be the most alert while on watch.
He sat on one side of a chess board, his pieces in place, the black ones, ready for a match. He looked up at his opponent, but couldn’t make it out. It wasn’t that it was in shadows, it was just…undefined. The eye couldn’t capture what it was or the brain couldn’t comprehend what the eye witnessed. He glanced around, but all he could see of his surroudings was light, blinding white light. Then the figure opposite him communicated, not speaking, just…creating the words.
Very interesting setup here, and I like how you’ve described it for the most part. There’s certainly a feeling of isolation, and perhaps even menace. And not being able to pick out the oppononent is a nice touch. Fear of the unknown.
Using “it” as the pronoun to describe the unknown opponent unfortunately doesn’t sound quite right… It’s technically correct, but most people associate ‘it’ with inanimate objects. It is possible to substitue the plural pronouns them/they, if you want to. For example: “He looked up at his opponent, but couldn’t make them out. It wasn’t that they were in shadows, they were just…undefined.”
It’s not exactly a perfect solution, and if you think “it” sounds better, certainly stick with it. Just a suggestion.
I have to say, I loved the entire exchange between Caeda and the Player. It’ll be interesting to see how that becomes significant later. It’s certainly nice to see a strategic weakness in the mighty Hunter!
So many different ways the scene can be interpreted… Is the Player an ally or an enemy? What was the reason the Player couldn’t be made out? Were they a supernatural force, or some sort of obscuration? Was the assignment of sides relevant, except for the fact of who would go first? (For example, Light vs Dark / Good vs. Evil) And is it all just a trick to get Caeda to walk into a trap? Under-thinking is just as bad as overthinking afterall. I assume we’ll find out answers to these types of questions as the story goes along. Like I said though, I really loved the scene, because it makes you think.
[b]Chaper 5
Caeda stood among the trees, keeping watch for anything suspicious, though his mind was truly as far from that as he could make it go.[/b]
What type of trees? How dense are they? Is he just standing there? Is he leaning against one of them to protect his back? Don’t forget to give us information regarding the surroundings!
I find it a bit odd that “his mind was truly as far from that as he could make it go”. That’s a pretty stupid thing to do when you expect you might be attacked in the night. Do you mean that he was multi-tasking? Reorganizing the plan while keeping watch, or that he was trying to keep watch, but the need to disorganize the plan distracted him?
He was trying to adapt the original plan to incorporate what had happened. Unfortunately, he wasn’t entirely sure what that was, and that was making it a difficult task.
It’s a bit vague to just say “what had happend”. Perhaps, “what he had learned in his dream”?
The question is…does he know? No, that’s not right. It’s how long he’s known that’s important. How long has he been planning for me.
Ambiguous he! I’m assuming that’s on purpose. (The Master, maybe?) ^_~ The last sentence needs a question mark. Or you could switch “has he” to “he has” and it would fit without.
A twigged snapped behind him, and he turned with the gun coming to his hand faster than the eye could follow. He relaxed slightly as he saw it was Vincent who was standing behind him. He shoved it back into it’s holster, half angry he hadn’t heard him earlier, half impressed Vincent had made it so close.
The description I mentioned earlier would really help picturing the scene here. Is Vincent directly behind him? Off to the side a bit? Coming out from around a tree?
Also, if he purposely distracted his mind from the watch, he has only himself to blame that he missed Vincent. But this is related to my point about that earlier. This seems to imply that his worrying over the plan has distracted him, as he didn’t wish to be caught unawares.
“It has kept me awake, for I do not know what it is you intend after finding that print.”
Maybe switch print for track?
Definitely an interesting exchange between Vincent and Caeda… Obviously Vincent knows who our mysterious “he” is… It’ll be interesting to see what this dubious plan of theirs is!
Caeda looked at the ground for a moment, then looked up, straight at Cloud. “First, if you don’t mind, I will explain what I had originally intended. At first, I planned that we would all assault it together, then when we were in the middle of a fight, for me and Vincent to sneak away. I hoped you would think I had betrayed you and either fall back, drawing the monsters away, or get more determined and force more to come. Either way would have worked fine.”
I’m not too sure about the wording of this paragraph. It doesn’t seem to flow very smoothly…
First of all, usually when someone says, “if you don’t mind”, they’ll pause a moment after saying what they wish to do for a go ahead of some sort, whether a nod of the head, or verbal acknowledgement.
At first, I planned that we would all assault it together, then when we were in the middle of a fight, for me and Vincent to sneak away.
This sentence in particular doesn’t flow smoothly. Perhaps if it went something more like: “At first, I planned that we would all assault it together, and then when we were in the middle of a fight, myself and Vincent would sneak away.”
Also, this section of your second last sentence, “or get more determined and force more to come”, doesn’t make much sense. How would the Avalanchers getting more determined cause more monsters to come? There’s a step missing: what they do once they get more determined.
None of them are going to question why Vincent?
[b]I think…no, I’m sure he knows I’m with you. However, it is not certain he expected this. In fact, I’d bet he didn’t.”
“So what’re you going to do now? I mean, you’re not just giving up are you?” Tifa questioned. She wasn’t really in doubt about what his answer would be, but she wanted to know what he planned.[/b]
None of them are going to question who the ‘he’ is? (Maybe I’m just forgetting if this was mentioned in an earlier part… It has been a while afterall…)
“Vincent trusts me. If he did not, he would not have agreed to either plan.”
After learning about his manipulative abilities, I question the validity of this trust… :noway:
"Or that I’ve betrayed you or whatever the hell you want to believe but get the hell outta this place!.
Missing a closing quotation mark.
Interesting show of emotion on his part… Does he actually care, or is it a really subtle manipulation?
I have to admit, so far I really skeptical about Chapter Five… There isn’t near enough debate about Caeda’s plan from the Avalanchers. Even if Caeda evades the questions, the 5W+H should be asked. Who is the he? What is going on? Where are you going? When will you leave? Why must you go alone? How are you going to do this? Not necessarily in those words, but at least the general idea. If there’s a huge debate, and the Avalanchers are finally convinced that this is the way that things have to go, the your ending of Tifa starting the dishes would be a nice dramatic contrast. Right now it merely seems like a farce. There was nothing in Caeda’s speech that would convince them to just abandon their journey. No reason, just: The paw print scared me, go away. At least, that’s the impression I got… If I’m forgetting some important fact, please feel free to remind me, but right now it looks like this section could use a lot of work.
(On the other hand, like I said earlier, I really liked the end of Chapter Four!)
See, this is why I need C&C. Thanks, not just for the C&C, you also reminded me about this. I’m pretty sure an idea is forming
Well, I’m glad that you find it useful! I sometimes feel bad about being such a nitpicker… :too bad: But if you find it helps at all, it’s worth it! :victoly:
I look forward to seeing what you come up with next!