Christmas Saga 2

The Christmas Saga 2: Ho Ho NO!
By d_Galloway

Santa’s workshop, located deep in the farthest reaches of the North Pole, was busy with work. It was only twenty-five days until Christmas, and the Elves had fallen behind following a sudden population explosion. They continued to sing their elfish songs, though, as they pounded microchips into several X-Boxes and laptops. At least nobody had destroyed their workshop yet…

A lone figure appeared on the cliffs overlooking the workshop. He wore a long blue cloak over his black tunic, and his eyes burned with intelligence and cunning. He removed a small wand from his belt, and waved it in the air above him. A storm suddenly surrounded the workshop, accompanied by a whirlwing of wind and thunder. The entire tory factory began to shake violently for several minutes, and finally dissintegrated into nothing in the wind. The whirlwind then transformed intoa long tornado, which flew into the distance.

Now satisfied, the man vanished.

Weiila cautiously entered Galloway’s house. Her eyes darted from corner to corner, as she watched for any red-haired demons. When she was finally satisfied, she started to put a document on the coffee table.

“WHAT are you doing here, Weiila?”

Weiila snapped around, and saw Galloway staring at her, holding a wet plate in one hand and a sponge in the other.

“Galloway, as you know, Christmas is coming,” said Weiila. “After last year’s fiasco, we have made a decision about you.”

Galloway’s eyes narrowed. “About me?”

“Yes,” said Weiila. “You are hearby banished from RPGC until January 2nd. You are also to stay the hell away from me.”

“WHAT?!” Galloway dropped the plate, sending shards flying everywhere.

“Everywhere you go, chibifying follows,” said Weiila. “I made it through the year as an adult, and I plan on keeping it that way. Nobody else wants to be kidified, either, so they joined in on this. See you next here.” She dropped off the document and flew out the door in a hurry.

“And so they kicked me out of RPGC,” finished Galloway.

The rest of the convoy didn’t respond; they were already unconcious. The military truck pulled into the abandoned Fresno warehouse, and the entire strike force disembarked. Galloway pulled out some sort of palm pilot, pushed a few buttons, and read the instructions:

“Mission objective: Eliminate known Cyber-Terrorist organization. The only known entrance and exit is the front door. Terrorists are said to be tubby loners, so tactics will not be needed. There is a reward of $10, with an extra $1 to whoever kills the most losers.”

The entire team left after hearing the pay; only Galloway and the truck were left. Galloway leaned against the wall by the door, assault rifle shaking nervously in his arms. Finally, he kicked the door open and ran inside.

He realized what had happened when the smell reached him. Scattered around the warehouse were the bodies of the terrorists, a good ways into decomposition. Galloway looked at the closest body. The fat corpse’s face was frozen in terror, and half of its gut was torn out.

The sound of whirring alerted Galloway to the next danger…

“That was a great idea, Weiila,” said Starstorm. “No Galloway equals unlimited sex.”

“Thanks,” said Weiila. “Now, can you please clear the driveway? It’s been snowed under for five days!”

“D-Did I mention your great idea?” said Starstorm. Weiila simply pointed to the castle gate. Starstorm finally gave in, grabbed a shovel, and went into the freezing cold.

Weiila smiled. A Christmas as an adult. Nothing could ruin this…

She didn’t catch her thoughts early enough. As if on que, a shadowy figure came out of nowhere and dragged Weiila out the back.

Starstorm ran back inside, his entire body covered in permafrost. Once his vision returned, he realized Weiila wasn’t there anymore. He waited patiently for his speech to return, then shouted.

(to be continued)

Burning eyes? That must be painful. And blinding.

Very well done.

Heh…poor Starstorm. Still chronicaly unshaggable. :too bad:

Heh. You don’t wait around before throwing us into the action, huh? :smiley:

I’m totally lost, but that’s typical of Galloway stories. It’s how everything ties up neatly at the end that is fun.


Okay… gotta keep up with this one. :stuck_out_tongue:

Nice Galloway ^^

Great start, Galloway.

Were only five minutes in, and I don’t have a clue to what’s going on. Gotta love it.

Heh, looks promising. And I guess this just isn’t Spaz’s lucky day… :ulty:

Galloway rolled to the side as the spear imbeded itself into the ground. Valkyrie Esker jumped down from a nearby railing, covered in blood. She grabbed Gungnir and pointed it at Galloway’s throat. “What the hell are you doing here, d?”

Galloway grabbed Gungnir’s tip and slowly pushed it away. “I was about to get ten bucks until you showed up. Now, what the hell are YOU doing here?”

“None of your damn business,” said Val. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

A bullet whizzed past both of them, imbedding itself on the far wall. A blood-soaked man, complete with a smoking pistol. He was muttering random words and phrases (including some he probably just made up) as he tried to reload the gun. Unfortunately for him, Galloway already had a loaded gun…which was also a lot better than a pistol…

(I think you can guess what happens next)

Galloway examined the dead maniac, but didn’t find anything important. However, he DID find a small door the asshole was blocking. Galloway pushed the doorway open, and found himself inside an enormous walk-in freezer. The walls were covered with large, metal cabinets, complete with various flashy buttons and frost-covered windows.

Galloway looked inside, but most of them were empty. Only one had anything inside. He wiped away the frost, and saw a human face inside.

Weiila woke up to find herself inside a large, metal cage, suspended over a deep pit of fire. Her arms and legs were chained to the bottom of the cage, as was her neck. Around the pit were hundreds of well-dressed individuals, as well as a ninja.

One of the well-dressed guys, a fat blob with perfectly-combed hair and a fancy suit, approached a podium. “Brothers and sisters,” he said, in a southern accent found only in cheap 60’s television, “we are gathered today to talk about a grave threat to the world. The devil has sent one of his many agents to destroy those who seek redemption!” Weiila knew what this was: a revival meeting.

“We have tolerated Lucifer for the last time! We must rise up and destroy his forces! We shall start by destroying our two greatest enemies!” A resounding cheer erupted from the crowd.

Starstorm set outside on his search for Weiila, only to be captured by someone.

Val slammed the freezer door shut, then barred it with a chair. Unfortunately for her, Galloway simply kicked the door open, dragging the metal cabinet behind him.

Starstorm woke up to find himself inside a large cage, suspended over a pit of fire. His arms and legs were chained to the bottom of the cage, as was his neck. Around the pit were a rather disshelved group, as well as a ninja.

One of them, a small, rather geeky kind of guy, approached a podium. “My friends,” he said, in a voice that would make a Trekkie cringe, “our old enemies have returned to destroy us. They seek to hold down the world. We won’t let the evil Illuminati stop us!” Starstorm realized where he was: a conspiracy nut meeting.

“They hold back information to control us, to make us their slaves. They will control us no longer! We shall destroy the Illuminati, and the people shall be free!” This was meant with a resounding cheer from the crowd.

(to be continued)

“Who’s he then?”
“Freezer guy.”
“Ah. Ya know, eventually one of these freezer people is going to be evil.”
“Your point?”
Starstorms search didn’t last long, did it? Found her already. Pretty much. What are the odds of there being two nutjob meetings on the same night? Thinks about this. I wish to retract my previous statement.

Hohoho this is interesting.

Awesome work as usual, d. Keep it coming.

Wilfredo gathered his last precious five bucks, then teleported to the North Pole. After a quick dose of Nulfrost, he walked over the frozen precipece to Santa’s Workshop…only to find it missing.

“Santa’s Workshop!” he gasped. “What happened?”

Strangely enough, an owl landed on the only tree in the North Pole, which was also an old and dead one. Even stranger, the owl wore a blue vest, complete with one of those glass things that only covers one eye. Then the wierdest thing happened: it spoke. “Oh, I can tell you what happened.”

Wilfredo looked at the owl. At first, he thought he was just drunk, but then he remembered he hadn’t had a drop of AA for three days. With no other choice, he talked back. “Well then, what happened?”

“Oh, it was the powerful and evil wizard Mordack who did it,” said the owl. Wilfredo quickly began to hate the owl. “He conjured up a powerful whirlwind, that swirled faster and faster around the workshop. The whirlwind and workshop then dissapeared into the sky, and out of sight!”

“But…why?” asked Wilfredo, feeling his IQ drop by the minute. “Why would this wizard want the workshop? What can he possibly have against Santa?”

“That I don’t know,” said the owl, “but I can take you to Santa himself. Fortunately, he left the workshop just before this happened.”

After much nagging, Val finally helped Galloway load the metal thing into the truck. She then jumped in the back as Galloway drove as fast as he could out of Fresno.

Val leaned over the cabinet, examining its many flashy buttons and switches. Finally, she found one that was labeled, “Open Cryogenic Chamber.”

“Shouldn’t we open this thing yet?” shouted Val.

“We have to get back to HQ first,” said Galloway. “It’s standard operation procedure. Besides, I don’t want to lose my precious ten bucks.”

The sound of hissing immediately erupted from the back, followed by a gas that remotely resembled dry ice. “While you were saying that, I kinda opened it,” shouted Val. Galloway pulled the truck over, jumped out, and ran to the back.

The lid slowly opened, releasing more and more dry ice. Finally, it stopped, and a bunch of rainbow colored lights started flashing from inside. When the spectacle ended, the dry ice cleared…

Revealing a naked girl.

(to be continued)

You just couldn’t include me in that scene, eh? :stuck_out_tongue:

Go to heck, ya fupping pedraphile.
For those of you who don’t know, i.e. most of you, that’s a reference to the comedy Father Ted. Watch, now. The darkness commands you.

Damn, so Galloway how long ya goona keep us in suspense over who this girl is? And how hot she looks?

I just plain can’t wait. XD

Wilfredo and the owl appeared inside a large room, with white crystal walls, beautiful marble floors and ceilings, and an air force sticker above one of the many archways. An old pipe organ sat in one corner, making it the only object around (besides the owl).

The sound of heavy footsteps and singing quickly caught Wilfredo’s attention. Before he could do anything about them, though, Santa emerged from one of the archways. He laughed like a crack addict when he saw Wilfredo.

Val quickly threw Galloway out the back of the truck, where he ran into a series of passing cars. After about thirty painful seconds, Galloway’s bloody, beaten body flew back into the truck. The girl was unconcious throughout the entire ordeal.

A few minutes later, the girl’s eyes open. She started to climb out of the device, but since the only person who cared about that (Galloway) was in a death-defying coma, it didn’t matter that much. Val got a better look at her, noticing her brown hair, her blue eyes, her…other assets. She actually looked around eighteen without the massive amounts of dry ice…

Then she saw the other part the ice had covered…

Deep within the netherrealm, evil demons began to conjugate to a central part. They started dancing and frolicking in the flaming pits of hell, while lost souls were shoved inside at a constant rate. Finally, the demons ended their dance number with a resounding flourish, but seeing as how this was Hell, they didn’t get much applause.

Within a large flaming pit, a thunderous voice roared, accompanied by dramatic licks of flame. “I, Lucifer, king of Hades command you to stop at once and dissapear! Begone, all of you!” The demons and lost souls quickly dissapeared. “Except Pitch.”

A single red, devil-like demon reappeared. He cautiously approached the flaming pit as Lucifer continued to spit out commands. “You, Pitch, chief of all my demons must now abandon the red hot coals and journey up to Earth. But this time you must not fail as you have in the past! You must not be stopped by that old goat, Santa Claus! If you fail to make all of the children of the Earth do evil, you shall be punished! And instead of red hot coals, you will be stuffed with ice cream!”

“No Lucifer, chief of all evil things,” said Pitch. “Have mercy, I beg of you! Frozen foods are bad for me, especially chocolate. It’s very bad for my digestion. But I promise you, king of Hades, that by my many wives I shall drive off Santa forever, and make the children commit terrible deeds to make Santa Claus angry!”


“So be it, Lucifer,” said Pitch. He teleported to a large, flaming rock and looked to the ceiling. “Elevator of Hades, transport me to Earth!”

Weiila tried to get her chains loose, but to no avail. The lunatics had her tied down good.

Starstorm tried to get his chains loose, but to no avail. The nutjobs had him tied down good.

Val rose to her feet, meeting the girl at eye level. “Uh…hi,” said Val. “Name’s Esker.” Val extended her hand, but the girl only looked at it blankly. Galloway let out a low moan as his heart neared collapse, but neither of them paid any attention.

“W…where am I?” gasped the girl. “Wh…what’s wrong with my head?”

Val didn’t really want to answer, but the girl reached to her head anyway. She quickly located her problem: she had cat ears. Before she could scream, Val knocked her out with a single punch, then put her unconcious body on one of the benches. She then went to healing Galloway, who was half a second from death.

“Nice place you have here,” said Wilfredo.

“It was my half-brother’s fortress,” said Santa. “After he sadly died last Christmas, I decided to use it as a back-up workshop, in case something should happen to the one at the North Pole. By the way, how is that workshop?”

“Santa, I don’t know how to tell you this,” said Wilfredo, “but…your workshop’s been captured by an evil wizard.”

“WHAT?!” Santa’s screames echoed throughout the entire fortress. “Wilfredo, my family, my elves, my reindeer! They were all at the workshop! We need to find them!”

“Perhaps I can help,” said the owl. “My employer just happens to be a wizard, which is why I recognized Mordack. Unlike Mordack, however, my employer happens to be a good wizard.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that back at the North Pole?!” shouted Wilfredo.

The owl wasn’t listening. “His name is Chrispen Arthur, but we all call him Chrispen for short. Perhaps he can help us.”

“You must hurry, Wilfredo!” said Santa. “I would join you, but we have only a tiny amount of time to finish our work now!” Wilfredo and the owl both teleported back to the North Pole.

Val threw a blanket over the girl, then buckled her down with several conveniently-placed straps. Galloway examined the cabinet, and found a secret compartment at the bottom. Inside were various documents, pictures, files, etc.

“She’ll be all right,” said Val. “Good thing you were so close to death she didn’t see you; we might have had a real problem there.”

“We’ll stop by my place first,” said Galloway. “We need to sort some things out, and I need to kill you for throwing me into the middle of a highway.”

(to be continued)

Sniggers. Methinks that be kiro. Methinks lots o’ crap though, so don’t put much faith in it.