Catching racoons

Okay, so last night I heard some unusually loud noises at the catfood bowl outside the door. I flipped on the lightswitch and there were like twelve racoons huddled around the thing munching away on my damn catfood! They ran off once I opened the door.

So I’m thinking I should capture a few of these fuckers. They are twice the size of a cat and have about 103% of their cuteness. I know they are really big rabies transmitters but I don’t ever plan on touching any of them.


1: Hide by the catfood bowl until they show up.

2: Throw a box on them.

3: slide a lid under the box.

The biggest problem I see here is what to do with them after I catch them. I was thinking a Cats Vs. Racoons battle royal, and maybe sell tickets and say it is a sequel to the famous Broadway musical ‘Cats’. Maybe not sell tickets, but definately make them fight my cats. Whoever wins goes on to fight my dogs, whoever beats the dogs goes on to fight my horses, whoever beats the horses gets to fight me. If they win against me and had enough perfect K.O.s leading up to our fight, they get to fight a round with Gouki.

I am entirely serious about catching them. What is the probability that I will die from rabies?

Pretty high. Call animal control :confused:

You are a worse person than Michael Vick.

Sounds extremely familiar.

Lol, can’t believe it’s been 8 years since that happened.

What’d you ever do about that racoon?

You have horses?

You will never catch it. Raccoons are too wily.

Wow, those are old threads! :smiley:

And Gun, seriously, call animal control. Don’t screw with creatures that combine the worst features of cat and monkey.

This reminds me of our local problem with monkeys. YES, MONKEYS. They escaped from a research installation decades ago and have been multiplying ever since. Luckily they stay away from most homes, but do raid crops.

In case you think I’m sh*ting you:

Yea I got two Palominos plus any horses we are keeping around for the neighbors.

If it sounds familiar it is because all three threads involve catfood.

I kind of got the feeling I wouldn’t be able to catch them when I turned the light on and they all looked up, then I turned it off and they went back to eating, then I turned it on again to the same affect, but the final time I turned it on they had disappeared.

I’m thinking that rocket skates are going to play a big part in catching them.

My God, I don’t remember those Frameskip threads. And to think that I slept in that house of animal filth. I am disgusted. The dirty will never wash out.

I actually saw a case where a kid was bitten by a raccon. The bite became infected and required antibiotics. The antibiotics shot the kid’s kidneys and he needed a transplant. He got an imperfect one from his mom, but he ended up needing bad immune suppression to prevent rejection. He then died of an opportunistic infection.

Friendly tip: leave the raccoons alone.

I don’t know, Sin. Sure, he could die from it. This is true. But could anybody important die from it?

Best advice is to leave the raccoons alone. You don’t even need to call animal control, because that’s wasting their time. Just don’t leave your damn cat food outside.

I volunteer at a wildlife rescue occasionally and have watched someone administer anaesthetic to a raccoon in order to check what injuries it had. It was a real rough fight and took the staff member at least 5 mins or so before he could get a decent shot at it. Raccoons are basically small bears, and are loaded with parasites. I would advise avoiding physical contact with them.

Also, complaining to animal control about removing raccoons from your backyard is like complaining to city hall about homeless people. They don’t have many other places to go, and certain opportunities make city life more opportune.

Both of them?! Don’t people check dosages?

Systemic side effects. Kidneys excrete a lot of metabolites, making them prime targets for toxins. I don’t remember if it was a dosage problem or an allergy or something like that. Doesn’t matter in the current context. The kid’s dead.

This is fucking nuts, don’t catch the racoons!

Don’t bother with the other responses, I’ll sum it up for you:

Go get e’m. You’ll be better off barehanded, so they won’t slip away. Make sure they get nice and angry, so they’ll tire out and stay. Don’t bother with antiseptic on the bites, it just makes them sting.

Punching Raccoons barehanded? Why, that isn’t… Sly at all!

It used to be a damn Disney moment every morning back when I lived in Northern Helsinki, with birds/squirrels/mice/bla/bla hording in our backyard. Now it’s just other peoples’ pets. Moving a bit to the southwest probably helped…

Get yourself a blue tick hound and go ‘coon huntin’. You’re not allowed to kill the 'coon.

Wile E. Coyote thanks you for your continued patronage.

Had you dug around the area, you might have found a nice blue flute.