Gila Monster arrived in America as an emissary from Canada to the great land of the USA. I learned a little bit about his backward country, as a result:
Their ultimate goal in life is to attempt to steal seafood from innocents.
They use their politeness powers to distract people from their sinister goals.
They complain about our dollar bills, even though the founding father George Washington himself is on them! Probably because they don’t have the Queen on them.
Canadians are really, really funny looking. Like they aren’t even people!
This is because, in fact, Canadians are classified as bugs, taxonomically speaking.
Have you heard the latest news from Canada? It seems that deep within the forest, there is trouble with the trees. The Maples seem to desire more light, however, the politically more powerful oaks are ignoring their pleas.
I’ve heard (someone can beat him in under 17 seconds) that he’s a scarily accurate depiction of a maple leaf suryp-guzzling lumberjacking bear hugging canadian from Salmon Arm, British Columbia.
It’s true. I was on a government surveillance mission to America. While Ken did learn a little about my own customs, I learnt a bit more about the American way. Such is that bigger is better, make sure you do anything to get to the top, and of course mention the phrase telephone pole every five minutes.
Here is photographical evidence of this meeting:
And here you can see us with another Canadian brethren, assisting me in government policy.
I should’ve known better than to take a five day break from my constant vigil over the northern frontier to gawk at mother nature’s colossal ass crack. >.<
They’re just bored without William Shatner, Ryan Reynolds, Jim Carrey, Leslie Nielson, Dan Aykroyd and many other entertainers attending the great sap harvest.
All they have left are
fat men kicking bears asses at ice hockey and
Hahaha oh man. I totally didn’t mean to do that. I’m so used to paying for food before I get it, unless its Subway or something. That must of looked pretty bad on my part.
