Be incredibly depressed about your resume.

By looking at these awesome ones.ésumés/

Some of these have the problem of requiring careful attention to be read, which can be really counter-productive when “Huh, look, this guy is witty” turns into “What the fuck does it say here anyway?”. Creativity is great, but as the article says, employers are sick of looking through piles of these and don’t usually appreciate extra work. I like the D&D chart, but half of that is just nerd jokes that are bound to confuse people.

The easier-to-read ones are great though. The one made as a horror film poster is my favorite.

I’d have too much fun with the one designed like a cube to take it seriously. I’d be like, “You got snake eyes. I rolled twice.”

Looking at most of these resumes, they’re for graphic design or advertising jobs. The nature of that field may then reward creativity and the ability to demonstrate one’s abilities in a resume. It certainly adds that little “hey, look what I can do that’s relevant to the job!” Try turning in one of those resumes to a law firm, a school, or any other sorta of non-artistic field. You’ll get ignored rather quickly.

Time to create an alternate resume!

Yeah, the site is for web designers and all of the resumes are for some sort of design job. Sorry, should have made that clear.

I think the increasing use of digital means to send resumes allows for a wider variety of options, thus removing the tyranny of print capitalism through new media, in which the creator may more fully control the means of production within a wholly virtual space.

My sister works in the field (design), so she might be interested in “spicing up” her resume.

The resume a la USSR ID picked my interest; but I must point out one misleading detail – Comrade Jonathan Wakuda Fischer claims to have an “American” nationality. That’s inaccurate. He must specify his ethnic background, since the infamous “fifth paragraph”, the declaration of nationality equates to ethnicity in Soviet lingo.
(Just retrieving here some bad memories for many of my ex co-citizens.)

I wouldn’t hire the D&D guy before some talking about his stats, taking into consideration the 1pt/5lv bonuses.

Holy shit! :open_mouth:


Those resumes suggest that they have a future in the ‘epic win’ industry.

You want to be horribly depressed about your resume? Consider this:

Bruce Dickinson is the lead singer of Iron Maiden, a pilot, a professional fencer, writer, as well as a radio and TV presenter. I’m feeling pretty depressed right about now.

On the other hand, his last name is Dickinson.

He’s also in trouble if he lists all the albums he was the singer of Iron Maiden for. I don’t care how good he is, I don’t want anyone involved with Dance of Death flying my airplane.

He was also involved with Number of the Beast and Powerslave, which are considered two of the best metal albums of all time. So: your mom.

Stick something like ‘astronaut’ or ‘quantum physicist’ in there, and I’ll be impressed.

Well that don’t impress me much.

'80s Bruce Dickinson could fly me wherever he wanted, take me with aces high where eagles dare on silver wings, but now? Nope.

Brian May, the guitarist of Queen, has a doctorate in astrophysics, I believe.

Everyone in Queen had an advanced degree. Brian May is the dean at some college, I believe.

He also may be a quantum physicist or not. /bad joke

IIRC Mick Jagger or Richards is an LSE graduate.