Long ago there was one pair of each animal, each ready to bear their offspring to the world. The two most known mates of the Animal Kingdom were the Lion and the Wolf. The two would always argue about who’s cubs would be the strongest while the mothers of the cubs bickered on how cute their cubs would be. While the Lion and the Wolf were arguing the Tiger Mother resting at her den called for one of her rodent servants Mouse. Mouse came hurriedly to Mother Tigers feet. In a nervous voice Mouse said ”What is it I can help you with mam”. Mother Tiger told Mouse to go to Mother Wolfs den and shake her belly as hard as he could and if he doesn’t he will be her morning meal. When Mouse saw that the moon was up he ran to Mother Wolfs den. Wolf was out hunting for food for Mother Wolf. Mouse seeped through every nook and cranny in the shrine until he found Mother Wolf. Mouse tiny feet didn’t make a noise as he ran to Mother Wolf and crawled on her swollen belly. Mouse felt sorry for Mother Wolf and her unborn cubs but he didn’t want to get eaten by Mother Tiger, so he did as he was told and shook wiggled and moved as much as he could on Mother Wolfs belly.
Mother Tiger said what? :-.
i dont get it but i just joined so it might just be me
No, none of us oldtimers get it either. Not only does the original poster make little to no sense whatsoever, he posted his “story” on the wrong board. This should have gone on the Media board, if anywhere.
UGH! I made the mistake of coming to this board to see what was going on cuz MAIN FORUM is dead. And I haven’t been here in like 5 years, I’m gonna take another 5 years from here. This “story” is like he wrote a summary of a story someone told him about a week ago. You know what I mean? It’s like the guy took notes while watching a movie. Guess what, 2 is not enough genetic diversity to sustain a species, eventually it would go to poop. Second of all, if there are only 2 of every animal, what do they eat? and third, what kind of drugs were you doing when you wrote this story and where can I get some. fifth, wolves, pregnant or not, run around and do all kinds of active shit that would shake a belly alot more than what a mouse could do. 14th why would the wolf not wake up and eat the mouse as soon as it started shaking her belly. 23rd, realistically, why would an animal care about aesthetics? why would they care how cute their babies are instead of how fast/strong/capable of surviving. 40th how old are you? and did you just badly copy this from an aesops fable? 60 just terrible, just… totally terrible
Charlemagne… I think you just crushed this poor guys hopes and dreams!
This is the shrine review forum, I shouldn’t even be reading some aesops fanfic in here.
True… but that’s nothing a little moderating can’t fix! I think we should be little more tolerant. Give the guy some credit; he made a strange yet interesting post none-the-less! 
Yeah, but it reads as the unholy mix of a fable and dadaism or something.
I strongly believe in the right of people to write whatever they want in the internet even if it sounds like Cthulhu waking up or something. 
Of course we have the right to ignore anything we don’t like or understand, as well. 
Okay, this has been simmering in my head for long enough.
Wil, I agree that everyone has the right to write whatever they want. But it is also everyone’s right to point out when it does not make sense, and it is not bullying to do so. It is merely a reaction to reading something, and if somebody puts enough effort into smacking something together and publish it for people to see, they should be prepared that not everyone is going to shower their writing in roses when it’s riddled with spelling errors and defies the laws of logic. That’s how the world works. You are free to think that we should all coddle every little pwecious snowflake and never critizise them even if it is intended to help them improve, and I’m in my full right to think that you can kindly take your annoying “don’t like, don’t reeeeead!” philosophy and go somewhere where you’re not disturbing people who actually care about decent writing.
On that subject, do note that the original poster asked for reviews in the title of the thread, so your point is moot anyway.
Weiila, your absolutely right! However, Charlemagne’s response was a little too overboard (you have to agree with that!) and for all we know this guy might have honestly wanted some decent feedback for his work (little to his knowledge that there are fairly open-minded people on this board that speak their mind. Therefore I believe the main point of this whole thing was just to provide somewhat polite constructive criticism as oppose to saying their work is just a piece of garbage (which practically summed up Charlemagne’s prior response.) Either way the guy that posted this thread probably doesn’t care about it anymore!
Charlemagne is a pretty much the resident troll, you shouldn’t take anything he says seriously
As for Wil, this is a discussion we’ve had before and it has nothing to do with the original poster.
OK, Weiila. Let’s take a practical, realistic look at the matter:
The internet is free for anybody to post their stuff (in most of the world.) Freedom of expression and all that.
Of course, certain websites have rules about what can be posted in them. That’s fair too; if a site demands that your fiction contain no misspellings and otherwise be of at least minimal quality, then the author must respect them. But most sites don’t have such rules. Therefore, readers used to good writing have no right to demand it in most cases.
Now let’s look at the people who post the stories. Many are serious in their desire to write good fiction, and follow their own self-imposed limits such as “no misspellings” “no changing the continuity” “don’t create Mary Sue characters” etc. Either because they expect to be professional writers some day, or just because that’s how they enjoy their writing. I am one of these, as are you.
But there’s lots of people who don’t write good stories, for one of two reasons: a) they simply lack the skill to be good writers and they don’t realize it (or don’t care) or b) they are just writing on impulse. Like those fangirls who go OH MY GOD I LOVE EDWARD IN FULL MOON I MUST WRITE A STORY WHERE HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH MEEE! Just to get it out of their system.
People put their stories online because they want them to be seen by others or… because THEY want to see them posted online.Some don’t care if they never get a single hit. They just want to be able to boast “I have a story in the Internet!!!” And they have the RIGHT to do so.
If you want to post a story because you want commentary, then yes, you should be aware that you’ll receive criticism, most likely negative because it’s easier to be a jerk than nice (not to mention it seems to be the default Net culture setting.) Of course, many people often point out flaws in the story because they WANT to help the author improve (again, you and I are like that) but if it isn’t phrased it correctly it can sound just like trolling. And while it’s easy to say “he posted it so he better ne ready to take it!” you and I know that people in the real world, especially teenage girls, CAN be emotionally fragile and a harsh rejection of their budding talent online can do a lot of harm to them. How many great writers would never have produced anything if they listened to exceeding harsh criticism? (To those of you who don’t care about that: GO TO HELL.)
Should the writer be aware of this? Of course- but they aren’t always. Some fanfic writers are CHILDREN. Maturity isn’t an automatic thing you know. Others are just out of the loop with reality. The point is that not everyone is ready to take harsh criticism, and many readers don’t consider this fact, acting as if because something is posted online it MUST meet their standards. No.
Also, let’s not forget that, believe it or not, there ARE people who like the stuff we wouldn’t do. Yes, Mary Sues have their fans (or stuff like Twilight would never sell). So, do you ever stop to think, maybe this particular story and its rule-breaking style isn’t meant for me?
To use a baseball allegory: I suck at sports. I would never demand to join a team. But if I wanted to practice at a public park, I can do so, and the public cannot stop me (They can jeer, but that only shows what jerks they are.) If someone comes over with advice, I can thank him or her for it… or ignore it and just keep playing my way, whatever makes ME happy. If they don’t like the way I play they can go watch someone else play. And who knows? Maybe someone will watch just because they like my style! 
I don’t know what the case in this thread is. Maybe the author is into weird stories. Maybe he’s just trolling us. And yes he asked for commentary, but are you sure he understands the kind of reaction he’d get here? Maybe in the last place he or she posted this was the norm, and he/she is just testing the reactions here. I just wanted to remind people of this.
To sum up: If I see a story posted online, I’ll read it if I feel like it. If I feel the author could use some tips I’ll give them, but with no expectation that they will be applied. And if they are not, I’ll just stop reading his/her stories. I sure won’t demand that they improve… unless of course, I’m PAYING for the material. That’s the difference between fanfic and professional writing. You get paid to entertain your audience, and you’d better deliver. Fans need to stop applying this mentality to fan fiction.
Oh, and Weiila? I’m not taking my opinion on the matter anywhere. If you don’t like my posts on the matter you can just… not read them. (Saw that coming didn’t you? )
Oh Wil. What I’m talking about is mainly telling somebody “you know, this story is cute but citadel isn’t spelled “citedal” as you keep writing, and seriously, the idea that all paladins must keep any promise they make, even if they make them while dangled over a cliff and under threat, is silly and illogical.” When somebody puts up something like that, it just makes them look stupid. Especially when they expect only praise for something they didn’t put any effort in.
Oh well, there are worse things to that I will criticize because I find them honestly tiresome and vile, as when your little emotional teenage girls REPEATEDLY writes about rape as something that leaves the person in question “frightened, shaken and fulfilled.” I will tell them that’s disturbing and wrong. Why do I do this? Well, I care about writing. A lot of people do, that’s why they read a lot, and when you’re passionate about something, you’re going to react to seeing it abused. Also it’s pretty damn disturbing how many people think rape is hot, while we’re on that subject. What can I say, I find it difficult to ignore things that annoy me.
But we’re never going to agree on this matter, and no, I didn’t read your rant but I glanced over it at least. We both already know the other’s thoughts on this matter after all. I don’t expect you to read any of this either, so whatever.
I’m not trolling by saying that the story was shit. I’m Say it was shit because that is what it was. Now it was a thread about wanting a story review, that’s what he got. I didn’t go out of my way to say “it’s dumb, you’re dumb” I made individual points, and there they are. If it had been a good story, I would have made a more productive review.
Wil, this website does not give you freedom of speech, it gives you freedom to write whatever you want as long as it is not against the moderators point of views. I.E. Sinistrals view. Weiila is a nice lady and respects other people opinions. However, you can’t complain that you’re not allowed to write whatever you want when there are rules saying blahg blaglakjdsf;lakjdsf;lkjgpoigpoirew later guys.
But we’re never going to agree on this matter,
If you say so.
and no, I didn’t read your rant but I glanced over it at least.
Gee, thanks.
We both already know the other’s thoughts on this matter after all
No we didn’t.
. I don’t expect you to read any of this either, so whatever.
I guess you don’t know me as well as I thought. Oh well, at least other people may read my “rant” and hopefully benefit from it…
See how childish I seemed when telling you I didn’t read your post, honey?
Yeah, I had no problem with it personally, I just thought that newcomers wouldn’t be so aware of his true intentions. But in terms of the rest of you RPGC veterans (which I mean in a positive way 
), the sarcasm and witty remarks is great fun to sit and read!
Like I mentioned above, it’s probably best to sound more inviting to newcomers (by that I mean a little more polite) because to be honest, the majority of people that have joined the Agora haven’t remained active, and the way we address them (not just you, but all of us… including me :P) could probably be more welcoming! But I have to admit I enjoy reading your comments in the forum (trolling or not) It keeps this place alive and brimming with excitement!
One of the few things I believe… “Controversy Creates Cash!”
I don’t get your point here.
“Controversy Creates Cash!”
Where’s my part!?