Women just cant compete

I mean really, How good are men?

1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she’s struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn’t. Jars are men’s work.

2, CALLING SOMEONE ‘SON’ - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don’t need a sharpener, you think I can’t whittle.

5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.

6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, “Let’s go” and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you’re a legend.

7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.>

8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it’ll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. “Ooh, did it hurt”. “Nah”.

9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. “Big night?” Grr, what does it look like.

10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. “We’ve not seen eye to eye in the past”, it says, “but someone’s got to keep the little scrotes in line”.

11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.

13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE… and everyone cheers you. It doesn’t mean you’re popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn’t know that.

14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue,
apparently.Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying “are you a leg or breast man” to the blokes and “do you want stuffing” to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.

16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn’t it?

17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Untilthen, we’ll make do with the aisles.

18, TAKING OUT GBP200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. “alright? Yep. Drink? Red Lion? George, it is then. Seven. Seeya.”

20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it’s over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while
the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn’t make a fuss. “Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage”.

23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - “a Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?”

24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that’s right, i’m going in there for a huge, long man-sized sh!t.

25, CALLING YOUR MATE A C**T - and punching him on the shoulder. Just a man’s way of saying “you’re a good mate; I missed you while you were in hospital”.


Urk is right!

We men are also Geniuses!

Damn right we are.

I have a feeling Shal’s brain isn’t that well attached to his skull right now. Volume might have done something. A-volume. cough

I must agree with Mab on this one. :stuck_out_tongue:

Me too…
But in a way it’s fun… I won’t deny that.

In the same way as the 10 reason why Beer/Cucumbers are better than Women/Men T-shirts… :stuck_out_tongue:

Yeah … for instance, cucumbers don’t get soft when you’re done! :smiley:

Yeah, I have no trouble opening jars!

Somthing tell me that I need to hit a few of you, I’ll be right back with my rocket launcher.

Ah yes, jars. Warm water works wonders if you’re lazy.

That was funny, though. giggles - a very female thing

Too Australian. :stuck_out_tongue:

this is sexist shame on you

Fair dinkums mate.

This list sucks. There isnt ANY mention of grunting! What the crap is wrong with you!?

We still have plenty of advantages.

Yeah, like boobs.

Yes. We can get things done without money!

As well as other pleasant curves. And the fact that simply, girls get more attention than us guys. Hence why girls get more free stuff than guys.
And a girl’s privates don’t show through their pants when they get horny(unless they’re horny to the point that they’re dripping wet, or wearing really tight spandex, in which case they show when they’re not horny).
Another advantage is that girls look better in clothes that guys don’t normally wear(and if they did, they’d look ridiculous).
But us guys have our advantages, too. No time of the month. No 9 month process to bear children. And most importantly, are less likely to get accosted if alone in a dark alley.

yeah anything you want babe