Just a drabble really. Well, ya’ll get to learn a bit more about me. Ain’t that grand? Well, I think I might use this for something, so the ol’ constructive critisism is welcome.
Today I got a small letter. I did not recognize the handwriting, and it was with puzzlement that I opened the envelope.
Now it’s time! Time for the reunion party of the ninth-graders of the Noret school!
This will take place on the 23rd of June, and we’ll be spending a fun evening together with baseball and other games…
The letter continued with information of place and payment for lodging, but I paused for a minute.
I could go there, smiling at them and talking instead of hiding behind a book and wishing them all off the face of the planet. I could arrive, dressed in my new kind of clothing, without the sweaters that try to swallow and hide my once scrawny teenage body. I could laugh and be happy instead of crouching out of sight. I could drink wine and smirk at their reactions of renouncing my “not a drop of alcohol” policy, that they used to make fun of. I could meet them as adults, as I too have become.
I could make peace snickers, snorts and jabs in my sides from behind. Peace with being told that my lunch looked like puke, peace with being dragged down the corridor in my hair. Peace with being hounded down during gymclass, softballs smacking against my skin so hard that I still can feel the burn.
I could shine. I could prove to them that I am beautiful now.
Then the idea of playing baseball with them, reliving the manic flight of gym class bore into my brain and I tore the letter to shreds.
Some might call it weakness. Even now I too feel inclined to name it that.
But I left those people behind the day I stood on the podium on the graduation ceremony and sang.
See me, for I am right here
Let me come close, into your hearts
as the one I am -
The one I try to be
My only wish right here and now:
Love me, for the one I am
It was satire, I knew that they knew. Even the teachers knew.
That was my goodbye to them - my truce.
I can remain the ugly, angry, introspective girl with no humor in their memory. That’s fine with me.
I am beautiful now.
And I don’t need to prove it to them.