If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the
pet
> >syndrome
> > including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story
>below
> >will have
> > you laughing out LOUD!
> >
> > Overview: I had to take my son’s lizard to the vet.
> >
> > Here’s what happened:
> >
> > Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there
>was
> >“something
> > wrong” with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his
>room.
> >“He’s just
> > lying there looking sick,” he told me. “I’m serious, Dad. Can
>you
> >help?”
> >
> > I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed
>him
> >into his
> > bedroom. One of the little
> > lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I
> >immediately knew
> > what to do. “Honey,” I called to my wife, “come look at the
>lizard!”
> >
> > “Oh my gosh,” my wife gasped. After a minute , her diagnosis
>was
> >“She’s
> > having babies.”
> > “What?” my son demanded. “But their names are Bert and Ernie,
>Mom!”
> >I was
> > equally outraged. “Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we
>didn’t
> >want
> > them to reproduce,” I accused my wife.
> >
> > “Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?”
>she
> >inquired.
> > (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
> >
> >
> >
> > “No, but you were supposed to get two boys!” I reminded her
(in
>my
> >most
> > loving, calm, sweet voice,
> > while gritting my teeth together). “Yeah, Bert and Ernie!” my
>son
> >agreed.
> >
> > “Well, it’s just a little hard to tell on some guys, you
know,”
>she
> >informed
> > me. (Again with the sarcasm!)
> >
> > By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was
>going on.
> >I
> > shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is
going
>to
> >be a
> > wondrous experience, " I announced. “We’re about to witness
the
> >miracle of
> > birth.”
> >
> > “OH, GROSS!,” they shrieked. “Well, isn’t THAT just Great!
What
>are
> >we going
> > to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?” my wife
>wanted to
> >know.
> > (I really do think she was being snotty here, too.)
> >
> > We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked
>like a
> >tiny
> > foot would appear briefly,
> > and then vanishing a scant second later. “We don’t appear to
be
> >making much
> > progress,” I noted.
> >
> > “It’s breech,” my wife whispered , horrified. “Do something,
>Dad!”
> >my son
> > urged.
> >
> > “Okay, okay.” Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot
>when it
> >next
> > appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried
>several
> >more
> > times with the same results.
> >
> > “Should I call 911?” my eldest daughter wanted to know. “Maybe
>they
> >could
> > talk us through the trauma.” (You see a pattern here with the
> >females in my
> > house?)
> >
> > “Let’s get Ernie to the vet,” I said grimly. We drove to the
>vet
> >with my son
> > holding the cage in his lap. “Breathe, Ernie, breathe,” he
>urged. “I
> >don’t
> > think lizards do Lamaze,” his mother noted to him.
> > (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she
does
>to
> >me is one
> > thing, but this boy is
> > of her womb, for God’s sake.)
> >
> > The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at
the
> >little
> > animal through a magnifying glass.
> >
> > “What do you think, Doc, a C-section?” I suggested
>scientifically.
> >
> > “Oh, very interesting,” he murmured. “Mr. and Mrs. Cameron,
may
>I
> >speak to
> > you privatel y for a moment?”
> >
> > I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside. “Is Ernie going
>to be
> >okay?”
> > my wife asked.
> >
> > “Oh, perfectly,” the vet assured us. “This lizard is not in
>labor.
> >In fact,
> > that isn’t EVER going to happen . . . Ernie is a boy. You see,
>Ernie
> >is a
> > young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like
>most
> >male
> > species, they um…um…masturbate. Just the way he did,
>lying on
> >his
> > back.”
> >
> > He blushed, glancing at my wife. “Well, you know what I’m
>saying,
> >Mr.
> > Cameron.”
> >
> > We were silent, absorbing this. “So Ernie’s
>just…just…Excited,”
> >my wife
> > offered. “Exactly,” the vet replied, relieved that we
>understood.
> >
> > More silence.
> >
> > Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And
>then
> >even
> > laugh loudly. “What’s so funny?” I demanded, knowing, but not
> >believing that
> > the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my
>flawless
> > manliness.
> >
> > Tears were now running down her face. “It’s just…that…I’m
> >picturing you
> > pulling on its…its… teeny little…” she gasped for more
>air to
> >bellow
> > in laughter once more.
> >
> > “That’s enough,” I warned. We thanked the Veterinarian and
>hurriedly
> >bundled
> > the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad
>everything
> >was going
> > to be okay.
> >
> > “I know Ernie’s really thankful for what you’ve done, Dad,” he
>told
> >me.
> >
> > “Oh, you have NO idea,” my wife agreed, collapsing with
>laughter.
> >
> > 2 - lizards - $140…
> > 1 - Cage - $50…
> > Trip to the Vet - $30…
> >
> > Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard’s wacker
> >-…Priceless…
Seen it before. Cept it was hampsters. Still funny.
That’s a classic alright.
LOL!!
I just thought you could use a laugh.
Wheres the funny email?
Diabolical… :mwahaha:
Merlin it’s what I posted originally. It starts with If you have raised kids (or been one).
Thanks hellhawk! I needed the laugh.
wouldn’t they know that lizzards lay eggs?
LOL thats a good one. :hahaha;
Wow, thats impossible to read, try editing it so it dosen’t have those >> and random breaks.
that’s kind of what I thought. 
Random stupidity there.
When you post funny E-mails, you should make sure they’re actually funny.
heh, pretty funny.
HaHaHa?