Uses for a Dead Black Dragon

We just killed one and it set me to thinking.

On the back of 101 uses for a dead cat I thought it would be fun to open up a thread on uses for a dead black dragon.

My immediate first thought was that as we had just acquired an inn we could use the dragons head as a pub sign and call it the Dragem, Sorry “Dragon Inn”.

I hope this goes well.

As a trap to land on adventurers squashing them.

Yeah. All you need is a Bag-of-Holding with a large enough aperture. Turn it inside out and <i>phwumph!</i>

I actually had an idea of that sort, the Tarasque-in-a-Bag ploy.

“But it would die without air!” my friends protested, after I had addressed the size and aperture problems.

“So what?” I replied, “It’s like dropping a Yak on someone. Doesn’t matter if it’s live or not.”

Which caused me to shorten it to Bag 'o Yak.

You could make dragonhide armor out of it’s remains.
You could make Dragon Jerky.

You can slap people with the tail.

It would make a killer al’hallows eve mask!

You could drag it behind you, very slowly, to impress the ladies.

We were sad enoughto roll for how well endowed our characters were.

My dwarf sadly has only 1 inch (D10) so this would work wonders for him.

O_o I haven’t heard something like that since that “necromancer raped by dryads” incident. It would be cool if you could turn the black dragon’s head into a helmet or mask, and make some armor from the scales. It would be interesting gear for a Blackguard, I think.

you could cut out the stomachs and sell them as trendy hand bags. :moogle:

Dragon puppet. Recreate the dialogue between Smaug and Bilbo.

My Drow Wizard has done worse, while horribly Drunk.

  1. I cast an enlarge spell on my penis. Which made it one size category larger. Oh yeah!
  2. I enchanted it with vorpal.

My DM, in response to the second: ‘Well, it says here that monks can have vorpal hands, so, theoretically, I guess you could have a vorpal penis.’

Later in the campaign, the rest of my party was preparing for an invasion of the city, which I didn’t need to do. So, as a joke, I decided I would sleep with the tavern wench, and rolled to see how well I did in bed. I rolled a twenty. It was awesome for a second, until the DM remembered my vorpal penis.
DM: ‘You exploded her head.’
Everyone Else (in unison, and in corny pick-up-line voice): ‘With puhleasure.’

Which taught me three very important lessons.

  1. Drow have a low alchohol tolerance.
  2. Drunk Drow routinely make very poor decisions.
  3. The school nurse was right, condoms don’t make sex all the way safe, you can still explode the girl’s head with a disturbingly enchanted cock.

We tend to roll 2d6. At least once in every campaign one of the following situations happens.

<li>Two male characters get in an argument that can only be solved by whipping out their mighty swords.
<li>Public baths
<li>Horny barmaids (in which case you roll Fort to determine your ahem stamina)
<li>My werewolf reverts and falls off a roof in broad daylight, crashing through the bazaar stall your friends were viewing wearing only his birthday suit. One of the characters was dumb enough to look, and I roll. Moby sixes.

This list is hardly indicative of all possibilities, but these are the more common ones.

I wish we’d used 2 D6 perhaps the others might stop refering to him as almost a woman.

Though for my female Dwarven cleric is armed with F cups.
I a,m trying to get them classified as an offensive weapon.

What a way to die!!!

I say make it an undead black dragon and ride it. ^^

I like the idea of riding into town on the back of a black dragon, are you sure I can have all these magical items as agift from a greatfull poplace, and I haven’t even done anything.

And you could have that undead black dragon devour annoying NPCs… Imagine the possibilities. :booster:

Even better I could have it devour annoying players!!!

Some people don’t stop to think, it seems the only words they know are kill and charge.

And huzzahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I had a character who basically only knew kill, but that was for RPing reasons. He was a chaotic evil wizard.

Fun thing he did: King invites our party over for dinner. An assassin (the DM doesn’t tell us this, yet) puts poison in our wine glasses. Two of our party make the save, and realize there’s poison. The third fails, but I warn him telepathically. Thinking that the king is attacking me because I’m a drow, I convince the rest of my party to let him drink his wine and see. Outside of their in character knowledge, I poison the king’s wine, as well. It takes his con. to zero in a matter of seconds, killing him. Then the DM turns to me and says, ‘It was an assassin, you fucker.’