Things you have all masturbated to:

  1. Pornography (a given)
    – A. Vanilla porn
    – B. BDSM
    – C. Women/men drinking piss
    – D. Telephone
    – E. Lesbian pornography
    ---- I. Incestuous lesbian pornography.
    – F. Hentai
    ---- I. Hentai games
    – G. Swap.avi
  2. Images within your head
    – A. Ex-girl/boyfriends
    – B. Former classmates
    – C. Former coworkers
    – D. Telephone poles
  3. Non-pornographic images/films
    – A. Wildlife photography
    – B. Gattica
    – C. Pictures of food
    – D. Dead babies
    – E. Pictures of telephone poles
    – F. Video games
    – G. Tanks/Samurai
    – H. 80s cartoons
  4. Telephone poles
  5. Late night Cinemax when you were thirteen (not porn, but not not porn)
  6. Your ex-girl/boyfriends
  7. Your own feces
  8. Dead bodies
  9. The Bible

Feel free to add to the list, since it is by no means comprehensive. But I know what is in your heads. I know. Admit it. I READ YOUR MINDS YOU FUCKING SICK FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS (though you are also all nonexistent, so that’s cool)!

To add to this wonderful list…Mud.

Yes, mud. Nothing turns me on like seeing mud being penetrated by telephone poles.

Car seats.


yiff, shotacon

I’m asexual, Sir.

A sexual what?

Lists of things.


Great. Now I feel dirty.

Yeah…really shouldn’t had looked up swap.avi…good thing I didn’t watch the video. -_-

Pretty sure late-night Cinemax is sorta considered softcore.

It is compared to the internet. After all, we get Japan on this thing. Not to mention Brazil, Europe, S. Korea, and other kinky places.


Jeez, I didn’t realize you were one of those crazy sidewalk freaks. I mean I thought telephone poles were weird, but I mean… you’re walking on the sidewalk. Your heart starts pumping and pumping. And when you finally reach where the sidewalk ends you ogle it, squeeze it… lick it. Because you, sir, are a vagabond!

I can’t believe you guys are going along with sidewalks when there are Fire Hydrants to screw. Nothing gets me wetter than a Fire Hydrant, especially when I’m in summer heat.

Son of a bitch.