The Prologue to a fanfiction named "Penultimate Force"

Okay, I never posted anything as “fan fiction” here, and I felt like doing it.

“Penultimate Force”


“May Hyne forgive the sins you’re about to confess, completing you with it’s holy trust. Do not turn your eyes away from Hyne’s infinite mercy… Instead, endure the holy atonement with a clean heart.”

“Forgive me, father.” Said the man in the confessional. He sighed slightly. Hyne priest noticed his voice was young-though burdened with something. The young man went on, “I have been sinned. In fact, I’m a sinner.”
“A sinner, you say?” the Hyne priest asked, with a soft voice, “Can you explain it to me, son?”
“Yes, father, a sinner. To begin with, I have never been to a confession before.”
“Then, my son, you must have a lot to confess. Am I not right?”
“You’re right, father. I had never felt… Religious before.”
“Begin then, and may Hyne be merciful on you.”
“To begin with, father, I have lost my will to love. The will to live and love again.”
“I see no sin in that, son-“
“Let me finish, father. I’ve taken so many lives, that you could build a mountain of bodies and climb to the top. I have dealt with betrayal, but turned my back on those who loved me.”
“You said you have taken lives?”
“As a part of my duty, father, for the things I had faith in…”
“Place your faith in Hyne, and let Him guide you.”
“Father…” the young man stopped as the Hyne priest listened in more closely to hear a sigh or just a slight movement. The young man went on, “Two months ago, the girl I loved left me.”
“Ah,” said the Hyne priest with a soft, and understanding voice, “A broken heart. Tell me, do you remember Hyne when those who love you has forgotten you?”
“The truth be told… Father, I can’t remember Hyne anymore. It had never been something else to waste mouth about, to add to a curse. A superior being somewhere, but I had never percieved it as something that is… More superior than The Guardian Force, or my own self.”
“Maybe.” The young man replied, “Maybe, father. Or maybe, just being alone the whole time. I had never percieved someone else to be more important than myself. To me, to the world as a whole, take your pick.”
“Son, you sound deeply hurt. Is there a reason- another reason behind your pain?”
“My heart belonged to her. My soul, mind and body. And father, she left me. Told me that she didn’t belong in where I did.”
“And you are convinced that you belong in there?”
“I’m not sure, father. I had never felt religious before, like I said.”
“And now you run to the arms of Hyne, just for Him to ease your pain?”
“I don’t know why I’m here, father. Maybe I just enjoy the peaceful music, maybe talking to someone without judging me of what I am makes me stay here. I never even knew, that a Hyne church could’ve been possible.”
“It’s easy to see when you know what you’re looking for.”
“I wish I could, father, I wish I could.” The young man got out of the confessional chamber, and started to walk towards the church door, and the Hyne priest, muttering a prayer of forgiveness, got out of his own chambers.

“Young man!” the Hyne priest said, startled at his only belonging in his hands, “You brought a weapon, a tool of violence into this holy place?”
“I’m a sinner, father, I told you.”
“Who are you?” the Hyne priest asked.

He observed the youngster in front of him. He was wearing a long, black, leather jacket on top of black pants and black, boot-like sneakers. He had three belts around his waist, two of them were making a rather ovalish X, as one stood straight. He was wearing a white t-shirt in his jacket, and a necklace was clearly visible. He didn’t have gloves on, and a silver ring was smiling at the Hyne priest from his right hand. He had brown hair that was in such a shape that it was hard to describe, and deeply-gazing, ice-blue eyes. He looked troubled, uneasy.

“Does it matter?” he asked.
“It does. For this time, may Hyne forgive my curiosity, I want to know who I just talked to.”

The young man tried to smile, but couldn’t, as if it was the hardest thing for him to do. His frown shifted away slightly into a quarter-of-a-smile.

“Just a man with a promise.” The young man told the Hyne priest, and then walked out of the church, the peaceful music echoing through the walls following him as a breeze.

Okay, what do you think?

Did I ask for too much, my dear viewers of this thread!? I just wanted an opinion. If it’s too much trouble, take your pick:

A-)It sucks.
B-)What is it anyway?
C-)Hmm, I’m curious.
D-)Go to hell.
E-)None of above.

Okay? I just want an opinion.

It’s good, it could develop into something great, keep at it.

Very interesting setting, that’s one situation I’ve never seen used before in an FF8 fic. I think you should keep the theme, come on back to the Hyne priest through the story or something. He makes a very good contrast to everything else already.
A small nitpick thing…

“You’re right, father. I had never felt… Religious before.”

The “…” has the same value as a comma, in other words there’s no need for the capital R in religious.

Thank you for opinions.

Weiila, that’s I think that’s the work of my grammar checker, I don’t mind it a lot of times, but guess I should watch out from this point on.

So far, Squall have been into two confessional sessions, second ended a little bit mysteriously. In the upcoming eighth chapter, he will go to a third one.

I was pretty much inspired by Daredevil. You may say, “What’s the connection?” but the ones that know Daredevil will remember that, every so often, he goes to church for confessional sessions, knowing he is one of the saints with deadly sins:)

As for plans… That Hyne priest will turn out to be something, don’t worry. Squall will go through much more torment and pain, mentally and physically >:) (sadistical smile). Aand… Let’s just say, some wierd stuff will take place.

I’m on chapter seven, but still thinking about how I can gather the plot around, while advancing. Lots of deaths of people we know took place, people, and the flow of blood won’t end there!

Anyways, thank you for your advices, opinions, for your “constructive critisism”.

… I can’t help but starting to chuckle everytime I get another piece of proof of your undying despicement of Squall :mwahaha:

My undying what!? I don’t know that word, and it doesn’t appear on either… What does that mean?

Maybe “despisement”, y’know, my undying act of despising Squall?

Nah, I don’t have grudge against the little, poor thing (haha!), but I wanna see some pain. And “pain” +“Squall” just comes together too often:) I’m not an anti-Squaller, but since he’s the “hero”, he should pay a price for it>:).

Chapter 9, Squall is grieving after the death of a really major NPC: The girl with the white shawl(!!!), at a Hyne church, next to a male Hyne’s descendant, near Esthar.

I will keep this church thing- it’ll turn out to be something you can’t imagine, haha!:hahaha; :mwahaha:

This is the scene where I declare my undying hatred for him!:mwahaha:

Originally posted by Joker Loire Of The Turks
This is the scene where I declare my undying hatred for him!:mwahaha:

I hoped you’d say that eventually :mwahaha: And yeah, despise was the word… don’t worry though, I doubt anybody around here think less of you just because of that, we all have those characters we like to bash. That would be Tony in WA3 for me, for apparent reasons twitch (we had an infernal caption contest involving him. Diiiiieeee…)

I think I’ll be sending you the first nine chapters and the prologue of “Penultimate Force”, cause I came to a point where I…

Is this a curse or something!?

When I finally found the plot, placed it… Well, no, actually I still have the way out of this, it’s not a writer’s block, I just am not too sure about it. When I use the first, original state of it as in “Those Beneath Us”, y’know, the martial assassin thingy, I get stuck! Haha!

Anyways, I will be sending those chapters to you just for inspection. Can you read them and tell me what you think as soon as possible, cause it’s like… The thing I’m giving all I have to!:slight_smile:

I will most appreciate it if you either e-mailed me back with your opinions, or write it here.

Anyone else who wants to see the rest of the story so far, just ask.