"The Light at the End of the Tunnel."

The Core Media Forum
1

Okay, so, I’m taking a dramatic literature class, and 20% of my final grade involves some creative project. My choices were either a ten minute play, or do a setdesign/costume design for one of the plays we read about. And since I can’t draw or design for shit, I chose the easy way out.

As I never really wrote something like this before, I want some people’s advice before I submit it. Oh, and yes, maybe it was inspired by a certain game. But I hope it stands well enough on its own. Also, the formatting might screw up a little in the transition, but everything you need should be here.

“The Light at the End of the Tunnel.”

Cast of Characters:

ALAN SMITHEE: A man in his early thirties, he is coming to terms with his death and what awaits him. He might have been a nice guy in life, but the foreboding fate ahead has him nervous.

THE CONDUCTOR: A somewhat portly man in what appears to be his late forties, maybe early fifties. He moves like a man who feels no fatigue. He is solid, and unshakable, knowing everything about how to run his train, and offers little help on anything else.

Scene:

A single train car, antiquated in decor. There is a booth set in the center against the wall. On one side there is a door, leading to another car, and against the backdrop, there is another door, from which ALAN enters and leaves. There is a small stand or peg from which the clipboard can hang.

TIME:

In this place, time is immaterial. However, it is assumed that it is set in modern day, due to several references made in the course of the play.

Scene one:
(Interior of the train car. The set is empty. There is the sound of a train whistle, and a voice calls from offstage.)

V.O. CONDUCTOR
All Aboard!

Enter ALAN SMITHEE, a man in his early thirties, looking very confused. He is wearing modern clothes, and seems unsure about where he is. From the opposite side, the CONDUCTOR appears, dressed very sharply and holding a clipboard. He is busy looking at it as he suddenly notices ALAN there.)

CONDUCTOR
Ah, here we are. Last car.

(CONDUCTOR Calls out of the door he left.)

Okay, Joe, start her up!

(there is another whistle, and suddenly, the 	sound of a train engine picking up speed.  The 	sound fades to the 	background, as ALAN speaks 	up.)

	ALAN

Umm, excuse me, but-

	CONDUCTOR

Just a moment sir. Need to fill this out.

ALAN:
Yeah, but… where am I?

(The Conductor looks up from his clipboard, and 	sighs.  He sets it down and looks at him.)

	CONDUCTOR

What’s your name, mister?

	ALAN

Alan… Alan Smithee.

	CONDUCTOR

Tell me, Alan… you ever been big on mythology?

	ALAN

What?

	CONDUCTOR

You know how everyone always talks about the Grim Reaper? Guy with a scythe, comes to harvest people when they die, bring them to judgment?

	ALAN

Yeah, so?

	CONDUCTOR

And you know how the Greeks would have you pay for the same guy to ferry you across a big river to the land of the dead?

	ALAN

I don’t see how-

	CONDUCTOR

And you know all those stories people tell of ships back in the days that were bigger than ferries, carry lots of people, especially sailors?

	ALAN

Look, this is all fascinating, but what is the point of all this!

	Conductor

What I am saying, mister, is you’re on the Train of the Dead.

(ALAN stops, staring at him with shocked silence.  	The CONDUCTOR continues, not pausing a beat.)

Yes, sir. Soon as that great Golden Spike tied the Continental Railroad together, this train was made. Heh, not that the spike stayed there for long – how long you think a spike made out of gold would last? But soon as it was done, this old girl was commissioned. Course, now everyone says we need to upgrade to airplanes, say they’re the wave of the future, but I don’t see the point. After all, can’t get much more metaphorical than a train for death. After all, it is the final journey, can’t stop it, and everybody has to ride sometime.
(After The CONDUCTOR picks up his clipboard and continues to write in it, ALAN finally speaks.)

	ALAN

So… I’m really dead?

	CONDUCTOR

'Fraid so, sir.

	ALAN

But… there must be a mistake. I can’t be dead.

	CONDUCTOR

No mistake, sir. You said your name was Smithee, right? Is that with a ‘y’?

	ALAN

No… it’s two e’s. Look, if you really ARE the grim reaper, shouldn’t you know this already?

	CONDUCTOR

I never said I was the Grim Reaper, sir. Don’t got a scythe for it. I’m just the Conductor. And I don’t know anything about you, sir. I ask everybody for their name, and deliver it to the guys at the end of the line.

	ALAN

By… By that, you mean… like St. Peter?

	CONDUCTOR

Could be, sir. Why don’t you sit down, enjoy the ride. I have to go see about the other cars for now.

(The CONDUCTOR turns to leave.)

	ALAN

Wait! Don’t go!

	CONDUCTOR

Sorry, Sir, have to finish my rounds-

	ALAN

Please!

(The CONDUCTOR pauses at the door.  ALAN 	Continues.)

Don’t… Don’t leave me here. I don’t want to be alone, but I… I can’t face anyone else. Can’t you just…

(The CONDUCTOR takes out his pocket watch, and 	checks the time.  He sighs and walks over to sit 	down.)

	CONDUCTOR

Very well. I suppose I can wait a little bit.

(ALAN sits down across from him, relieved.)

	ALAN

Thank you. …So, I’m really dead.

	CONDUCTOR

Yes, sir.

	ALAN

And… I’m really heading to Heaven?

	CONDUCTOR

Could be, Sir.

	ALAN

Wait… so you mean, I might not be going to Heaven? Am I going to Hell?

	CONDUCTOR

Couldn’t Say, sir.

	ALAN

You can’t say a lot, can you?

	CONDUCTOR

There’s no need for that, Mister Smithee with two e’s. After all, I could be doing my job, but instead, I am here with you because you asked me to.

	ALAN

You’re right. Sorry.

(There is a slight pause in the discussion.  	Suddenly, the lights flicker on and off.)

	ALAN

What was that?

	CONDUCTOR

Oh, don’t mind that, sir. Just the lights messing up. Always do that as we go through the tunnel.

	ALAN

The lights mess up?

	CONDUCTOR

Oh, yes. You think just because this old girl’s part of the afterlife, it’s kept in pristine condition? Huh! If that happened, you think we’d keep this same decor for the last century and a half?

	ALAN

Well, I… kind of assumed that was part of its charm…

	CONDUCTOR

Oh, yes sir. Very charming. And never mind the fact that I tell them they need to fix these things, but even in the afterlife, seems like everything starts to run on tape, string, and bubble gum.

	ALAN

And, by “them” you mean… (points upward) The guys upstairs?

	CONDUCTOR

Well, it wouldn’t do much good petitioning the engineer, would it?

	ALAN

Well, I mean… we’re talking God, right? With all his angels and stuff?

	CONDUCTOR

Couldn’t say, sir. Never been up there myself. My job’s here on the train.

	ALAN

So you don’t know? You just… drop people off without ever finding out who they’re going to meet?

	CONDUCTOR

Well, sir, Do you think that other train conductors need to know what people are doing when they get off? All we need to know is where’s your ticket, and when are you getting off.

	ALAN

I don’t have a ticket.

	CONDUCTOR

Well… I’d say sir, in a very metaphysical way you’ve already presented it, as it were.

	ALAN

What? …Oh. I guess I understand. But… how can you take me where I’m supposed to go, if you don’t know where that is?

	CONDUCTOR

Ah, that’s no problem, sir. See, we always take you where you need to be. There’s no margin for error, after all. Can’t let a passenger miss their stop.

	ALAN

But… look, going back for a moment… when you said the people up above, that’s God, right?

	CONDUCTOR

Well… I suppose that’s the name, sir. It’s a little hard to really explain.

	ALAN

(sitting back, a little overwhelmed.) I was agnostic, you know. Didn’t really know if there was a God or not.

	CONDUCTOR

Well, sir, you got enough proof for you now?

	ALAN

It’s pretty convincing, I have to give you that.

	CONDUCTOR

Could be hallucinating all this, you know. Meet plenty who are convinced they are still in the hospital, just dreaming about all this.

	ALAN

Well… no, I can tell. This isn’t a dream, is it.

	CONDUCTOR

Couldn’t begin to explain that, sir.

	ALAN

No, I didn’t think you could.

	CONDUCTOR

Look, sir, it might shock you to know that not everyone has the answers for you. Huh! Only one who does is the big man upstairs, they say. I’m just the Conductor, sir. I know how to run the train and how to get everyone to where they need to be on time.

	ALAN

How do you know when to do that?

	CONDUCTOR

Couldn’t begin to-

	ALAN

-to explain. Yeah, I get it.

(A silence fall as between them, when the roar of 	the train wheels seems all the louder, echoing 	through the cabin.)

	ALAN

I led a good life, you know.

	CONDUCTOR

I’m sure you did, sir.

	ALAN

Never married, you know. Was still waiting for the right woman to come along.

	CONDUCTOR

Well, you’re still young.

	ALAN

Somehow, I think my dating days are behind me.

	CONDUCTOR

Well, maybe.

	ALAN

I…never really was sure if God existed. I mean, I grew up Protestant, but it never really clicked with me, you know? …Do you know if they’ll have a problem with that?

	CONDUCTOR

I couldn’t tell you, to be honest. We get all sorts on this train. Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Pagans, Atheists… Don’t know if even they knew if they believed it or not.

	ALAN

So… so you’re saying that everyone rides this train.

	CONDUCTOR

Seems that way, sir. I can certainly tell you I’ve heard a good many dialects and languages. I can give you an Irish accent, or German, French, Japanese – but don’t ask me to do that tongue-click, everyone asks for that, and I can’t.

	ALAN

Darn.
(Both share a small laugh at a joke that isn’t really funny. ALAN glances out of the window.)

	ALAN

Hey, there’s a light down there.

	CONDUCTOR

Just means the tunnel’s coming to an end, sir.

	ALAN

Oh… so that’s “the light at the end of the tunnel” you always hear about, huh?

	CONDUCTOR

Very good, Mister Smithee. Most people don’t grasp the metaphor so quickly.

	ALAN

The light’s getting bigger… hey, that metaphor usually means something good after a long journey, right? So… it might mean Heaven?

	CONDUCTOR

Could be, Mister.

	ALAN

Or… it could be fire, huh?

	CONDUCTOR

Sorry I can’t tell you more, Mister Smithee.

	ALAN

No, it’s fine, I’m starting to understand. Hey, I don’t have to get off, do I? I mean, what if I stay here instead?

	CONDUCTOR

So you’d rather stay here for all eternity than face “the Great Unknown”?

	ALAN

You don’t seem to mind.

	CONDUCTOR

Well, it’s not up to me, anyway. You’d need to bring that up with the higher-ups.

	ALAN

How do I do that?

	CONDUCTOR

Get into Heaven, first of all.

	ALAN

…So, let me get this straight. In order to stay on this train rather than risk hell, I have to first get into heaven to be able to ask to stay here so I don’t need to get off in the first place?

	CONDUCTOR

That about covers it, yes.

	ALAN

There’s a catch there somewhere.

	CONDUCTOR

Yes, sir. The worst kind.

	ALAN

Well… guess there’s no helping it, then.
(A pause.)

	ALAN

Hey… you know, it’s funny. All of a sudden, I remember this old song I heard years ago. Can’t really remember who sang it… might have been Willie Nelson or Johnny Cash… one of those guys. Anyway, can’t remember much, but there’s one phrase I still remember: “And when the yard broke off, they said that I got killed/but I am living still…” Funny how those memories can come back to you, huh?

	CONDUCTOR

Certainly a nice thought, at least.

(The CONDUCTOR checks his watch, and glances 	outside the window.)
	CONDUCTOR

Looks like we’re nearing the end of the line, Mister Smithee. You’ll need to get ready to disembark.

	ALAN

Yeah… yeah, okay.

(The CONDUCTOR leaves momentarily, as the engine 	slows, and the wheels grind to a halt.  ALAN 	looks around nervously, and clasps his hands 	together to pray.  The CONDUCTOR re-appears after 	only a short pause.)
	
	CONDUCTOR

Well, sir, that’s it. Time for you to get off.

	ALAN

Yeah, okay… I guess I’m ready. But, hey, before I go, I just want to ask you something.

	CONDUCTOR

Yes?

	ALAN

I’m just curious… did you ever do anything before this gig?

	CONDUCTOR

Well, yes.

	ALAN

What?

	CONDUCTOR

I was a ship’s captain, as it so happens.

(ALAN looks startled, as if realizing what that 	meant.  Before he can say anything, though, the 	CONDUCTOR starts shooing him out the door.)

	CONDUCTOR

Alright, sir, you had your question. Now time to go.

	ALAN

I can’t see anything from here… you sure it’s the right place?

	CONDUCTOR

You know the old saying “You never know until you try?” Well, you won’t know until you step outside.

	ALAN

Alright… Nice knowing you, mister.

(ALAN steps out of the door, which shuts behind 	him.  There's the sound of a train whistle, and 	the CONDUCTOR checks his watch before picking up 	his clipboard to mark something off.  As he does, 	he begins to sing.)

	CONDUCTOR

I was a sailor,
I was born upon the tides,
And with the sea I did abide,
(CONDUCTOR starts to exit out other door.)
I sailed a schooner 'round the horn of Mexico,
I went aloft and furled a mainsail in a blow,
And when the yard broke off, they said that I got killed,
But I am living still.

	(EXIT.)

	(THE END.)

Anything and everything you can suggest to make it better, please say so.

2

I think this is quite good. You’ve avoided indulging in the details of this fantastic realm, which means that you’re genuinely interested in the allegory, rather than its shock value. I think you could make your allegory a little more nuanced. E.g.:

ALAN
…So, let me get this straight. In order to stay on this train rather than risk hell, I have to first get into heaven to be able to ask to stay here so I don’t need to get off in the first place?

CONDUCTOR
That about covers it, yes.

ALAN
There’s a catch there somewhere.

CONDUCTOR
Yes, sir. The worst kind.
I see what you’re trying to do here, but I’m not sure your logical game quite works out. Death is timeless, so Alan’s getting into Heaven and returning back to the train “resolve” at the same time. But Alan’s saying “first,” and the whole linear structure of the dialogue, belie this reality. So the Conductor thinks he’s being witty and metaphysical by pointing out the little paradoxes of timelessness, but it only works because the <i>play</i> is breaking the rules of timelessness.

Anyway, if the Conductor were a little less cocky that way, a little more subtle, I think his character would be more effective. Good luck with the final draft.

3

Pretty good, V. I think this works very well, and needs very little change. That said:

  • Most people would expect Alan’s first reaction would be disbelief; Ok, you point out that somehow he “knows” the Death Train bit is true, but you need to mention that earlier, during the first conversation. Or better, first have Alan accuse the conductor of screwing with him, then assume it’s only a dream, and then finally accept it. Makes the conversation a little more dynamic, though I realize that’s not really important here.

-Also, it doesn’t really make much sense for Alan to keep asking questions after the point he realizes that The Conductor was just not going to give him any of the big answers. You should save that for near the end.

-Finally, and this might be just me, but I expected Alan to figure out that the only way to stay in the train forever, was to take the position of conductor himself. That’s kind of what the conversation leads you to expect. It would have been nice if The Conductor allows it, then says something about how he, too, replaced a previous conductor out of fear of the final judgment… but has by now changed his mind- he now wants the answers too, but couldn’t leave until someone else came to take his job willingly. But that’s just me; the story still works the way it is. The song is a very nice touch, btw.

Oh, and btw, could Mr. Smithee have worked in Hollywood when he was alive? :wink:

(For those who don’t get the joke, Alan Smithee is a pseudonym used by film directors who decide they don’t want their real names attached to a particular movie- usually because they hated how it came out.) :stuck_out_tongue:

4

I don;t understand the problem here. The timelessness is not the matter, it’s that the only way to stay on the train to avoid risking hell, is to step off the train in the first place, thus risking hell, and having to gain access to heaven, at which point the matter is moot since he’s now in heaven and would not need to stay on the train. if you’re saying the wording needs a little work, then clarify that more please.

Wil: While i understand where you’re coming from with the ending and all the set-up, you need to understand: this is a ten-minute play. No more, no less. And what you suggest would take far too long to set up properly. I’d have to abandon several of the metaphors and beats in this story to get that going, and since that negates most of their character interaction for something I am quite confident would overall be worth less than what I have, I must leave it as is. Also: You assume that the Conductor is human. It’s just as heavily implied he’s a psychopomp, the original grim reaper. Granted, I can;t make that decision. I’m just the writer. That’s for the director to decide.

5

Maybe I read too much into it. If he’s leaving the train to gain access to heaven, then he can hardly “stay” on the train, despite the suggestion by the conductor that he might be able to. He can return, but only if he takes the risk of going to hell first. So the point seems to be, forget the train, since the only way you can return (<i>not</i> “stay”) is if you already know you have access to something better. I’m not certain what the allegorical message would be. In other words, I’m not sure I’m learning anything applicable to real life when I read that line, just that “this is how things work in this story.”

But if this is all happening in a state of timelessness, you could argue that there was never actually a moment when he was off the train. So Alan <i>is</i> “staying” on the train, not just returning. Then the conductor’s comment would make sense metaphysically, rather than just in this fantasy. The conductor would be commenting on the strangeness of the situation: riding a train to the afterlife, when movement only makes sense in the context of time; waiting earnestly to find out the mysteries of the afterlife, when waiting only makes sense in the context of time. Of course, this strangeness exists solely because of the allegorical medium you’re working in. We have to tell stories in time, even when they’re about situations where time doesn’t exist. So I interpreted that exchange as idle philosophical commentary on the limitations of the medium you’re working with. A hint of “breaking the fourth wall.” Anyway.

6

…It’s just a catch 22 thrown in for humor. You seriously are reading way too into it. And I don;t understand why you keep bringing in timelessness, that’s not applicable to this scene. it’s the circular humor that shows that the only way he could 'stay" on the train requires he leave it in the first place. Even if it is timeless and he can return immediately, there still needs to be that time where he is in heaven to ask to stay on the train, which he wouldn’t do. Because at that point, he’d be trading the certainty of heaven for what’s effectively purgatory forever.

7

Interesting use of Alan Smithee. :stuck_out_tongue:

I thought it was quite good. You have the playwriting format down, and you have an excellent original idea. The only thing is that I might have to scrap my train of the dead for my fantasy novel, you Norse bastard (:-P).

8

V: Yeah, I got that the play had to be short, that’s why I pointed out that my story suggestions were optional. Really, the only modifications I think it needs, is to have the “I can feel I’m dead” bit earlier, and the “You’re not going to tell me, are you?” one for later, just to make things more logical to the audience. Otherwise, very well written overall.

9

YOU MAGNIFICIENT BASTARD. “Dude, we’re on a boat.”

Also, it’s a brilliant read.