And I don’t mean the IRS itself is pissing me off. Rather, it is WORKING for the IRS that is inciting my unbridled rage this time around. It’s one of the most menail jobs I’ve ever had, seemingly dragging on for endless hours and over three hundred paper cuts a day. And to make matters worse, I have to deal with every single person that has no idea how to put their taxes together. I don’t just mean the losers who bought TurboTax and never read the instructions; I mean professional accounting and tax preparation services are screwing my job performance over. Here’s what I mean:
-The most common problem is stapling any form over the entity section (that is, the name and address of the taxpayer at the top of the form). A simple mistake, easily fixed, etc. However, it’s just annoying when this keeps popping up.
-People hide their checks. Seriously. They stick them between pages fifteen and sixteen, turn them upside down, fold them in half, staple them to the back, etc. Then some people take it a step farther and tape the fucker down so tight it’s nearly impossible to remove without destroying the check or form. Folks, PLEASE let the check hang loose. We won’t lose your payment. I promise.
-I’m still seeing cash being sent in. And I don’t just mean money; I mean people are sending in whole debit and credit cards, jewelry, old coins, foreign currency, etc. These things will NEVER be accepted as actual payment. If you don’t have a checking account, BUY SOME FREAKING MONEY ORDERS.
-You don’t have to send us a cover letter detailing what’s enclosed in each set of forms. We know what’s supposed to be there, what goes on which line, etc. Besides, all those letters are bumped to the very back, where they will do you no good whatsoever.
-My training materials were stolen. This is more of a problem with my coworkers, but they were in my desk drawer one day, and then gone the next. This wouldn’t be a problem if one of those materials is government property, which means I’m facing my entire paycheck in fines at the end of the season.
-We don’t need to see your identification. Stop sending drivers licenses and passports.
-If you don’t have your taxes in by the 15th, tough. We’re not giving breaks unless they were arranged ahead of time.
-We don’t need to see photos of your kids.
-We are not Satan, folks. We do not actively plot the downfall of civilization. (It’s actually doing that itself quite nicely.) We just collect the money needed to fuel our ever-growing epic failures and disastrous, bloody wars. And to keep you from getting affordable health care.
-Don’t spill coffee on your forms. It’s nothing serious, but it just reflects badly on you.
-And above all else, DO NOT SEND US YOUR STATE FORMS! We’re the Feds, not the State treasuries. If you send us any state forms, they’ll take more than three weeks to eventually reach their intended destination, meaning you’ll be late on your return. So…HA!
There. I’ve sufficiently vented for now. Well, off I go to hang myself. Or get fired. Whatever comes first.