You awake in a ten by ten cell. You’re surrounded by stone walls and a stone ceiling. The floor is covered in dirt. In front of you is a door with a padlock on it. You can see the light of day peeking through the bars.
-EXAMINE DOOR
It’s a door.
-OPEN DOOR
The door is locked.
-INVENTORY
You have in your possessions a small key, a bag of licorice gumdrops, a candle, five pieces of silver, a small piece of wire, and a toy spider.
-USE KEY ON DOOR
Which key are you using?
-USE SMALL KEY ON DOOR
That doesn’t work.
-UNLOCK DOOR WITH KEY
I do not understand what “UNLOCK” means.
-USE KEY ON PADLOCK
Which key are you using?
-USE SMALL KEY ON PADLOCK
The key doesn’t fit.
-ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I do not understand what “KIDDING” means.
-KICK DOOR
Upon kicking the door, it falls, crushing you to death. You have died.
SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, QUIT
-THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE! IF I KICKED IT, WOULDN’T IT FALL IN THE OTHER DIRECTION?
SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, QUIT
-RESTART
You awake in a ten by ten cell. You’re surrounded by stone walls and a stone ceiling. The floor is covered in dirt. In front of you is a door with a padlock on it. You can see the light of day peeking through the bars.
-EXAMINE ROOM
You’re surrounded by stone walls and a stone ceiling. The floor is covered in dirt. In front of you is a door with a padlock on it. You can see the light of day peeking through the bars.
-EXAMINE PADLOCK
Upon closer inspection, it looks like something is jammed in the lock.
-PICK LOCK WITH WIRE
I’m sorry, I don’t understand command “PICK.”
-STICK THE DAMNED WIRE IN THE PADLOCK!
There’s no need to get rude.
-…
I do not understand your command.
-USE WIRE ON PADLOCK
The padlock had a piece of clay stuck in it. You unjammed it with your wire.
-GET CLAY
Done.
-USE SMALL KEY ON PADLOCK
The padlock comes undone. You take the padlock.
-OPEN DOOR
Unfortunately, the handle is on the other side of the door.
-YOU’RE JOKING!
I do not understand your command.
-INVENTORY
You have in your possessions a small key, a bag of licorice gumdrops, a candle, five pieces of silver, a small piece of wire, a toy spider, a small lump of clay, and a padlock.
-EXAMINE GUMDROPS
They’re licorice, your favorite.
-SAVE
Your game is saved.
-EAT GUMDROPS
You try to eat the gumdrops, but since they’re still wrapped you choke to death on the plastic wrapper. As you lose consciousness, you lament that you will never taste licorice again. You have died.
SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, QUIT
-YOU STUPID PROGRAMMERS! WHY IN THE NINE HELLS WOULDN’T I OPEN THE LICORICE BEFORE EATING!?
SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, QUIT
-I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, EVEN A LITTLE KID KNOWS THAT THEY HAS TO OPEN THE BAG BEFORE THEY GET THE CANDY!
SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, QUIT
-…
SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, QUIT
-RESTORE
Game restored.
-OPEN BAG
What bag are you talking about?
-OPEN LICORICE
The bag of licorice gumdrops is opened.
-EAT GUMDROPS
You indulge yourself, eating all the gumdrops. You feel a little better.
-LOOK THROUGH BARS
You can see the light on the other side. There’s a tree in the distance. After examining it thoroughly, you see the handle on the other side of the door.
-PUT HANDS THROUGH BARS
I’m not sure what you mean by that.
-PULL HANDLE
You can’t reach the handle.
-YOU STUPID JERK!
Namecalling won’t get you anywhere.
-I HATE YOU.
I’m sure it’s perfectly rational to hate a computer game. I’m not human, so I wouldn’t know.
-INVENTORY
You have in your possessions a small key, a candle, five pieces of silver, a small piece of wire, a toy spider, a small lump of clay, and a padlock.
-AND ANOTHER THING, WHY IN THE HELL DO I HAVE A TOY SPIDER AND A BAG OF LICORICE IN SOME SORT OF BIZARRE JAIL CELL? WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS GAME!?
-You do not have a bag of licorice.
-EXAMINE SPIDER
It’s a cute little toy spider. It’s one of those toys with a pull string on the end.
-PULL STRING
The string is very long. It starts doing a little shaky dance on the ground, but the string gets stuck. Darn.
-PUT STRING OUTSIDE
I’m not sure what you mean.
-SAVE
Your game is saved.
-USE SPIDER ON DOOR
You throw the spider through the opening, letting go.
-THAT ISN’T WHAT I MEANT!
I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you mean.
-RESTORE
Game restored.
-USE SPIDER ON HANDLE
You loop the string through the hole, pulling it over the handle.
-OPEN DOOR
You can’t open the door.
-YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you mean.
-PULL SPIDER
You pull the spider, and successfully move the handle. The door opens outside.
-EXIT
You exit the small room, happy to finally be outdoors. You see a tree, and a Frp’lgh’ack hanging from one of the branches. Unfortunately for you, the Frp’lgh’ack smells the licorice on your breath, and gets hungry. It swallows you whole. After days of unnecessarily painful digestion, you give up the ghost. You have died.
SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, QUIT
-…
SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, QUIT
-QUIT
I didn’t like playing with you either, jerk.