“I hate myself and want to die” by Nirvana.
Over and over and over again, until everyone gets so sick of it they walk out of the film and demand their money back.
Actually, I’d like to think if there were a movie about me, it’d be because I was important enough to justify original songs being created for the soundtrack. But that’s contrary to the spirit of this thread (which is why I couldn’t resist typing it, I suppose. )
I’d have to think about this one for a while longer. It really would depend on what strange-ass scenes were put in the film.
The “experimentation” scene where everyone gets high except “me” because he doesn’t know how to smoke a pipe right, for example. I’m thinking “Champagne Supernova” by Oasis or perhaps “Ghost Town” by The Specials. Maybe “Sweet Leaf” by Black Sabbath. One of those.
The Main Nemesis/Villian would, of course, would always be accompanied by “Let The Eagles Soar” written by John Ashcroft and performed either by him or by Pat Boone, every time he showed up.
“At My Job” by the Dead Kennedys when “me” is describing in flashback form his time at work.
I’m sure there’d be room for “Boys Don’t Cry” and “A Night Like This” by The Cure, “Still Ill” “There is a Light That Never Goes Out” and “Unloveable” by The Smiths, too.
“Go 'n Breakdown” by Suicidal Tendencies when “me” has a daydream about snapping at work and going off on all the idiot customers who ruin his day, and causes major people and property damage, Incredible Hulk style.
“Chicks Dig Jerks” by Bill Hicks, over a montage of every girl that “me” doesn’t get with because they’re seeing someone else, and even though they turn to “me” for a shoulder to cry on when the other guy’s a dick, they go back inevitably to the dick anyway. Yeah. Could also use “Got My Mojo Workin’ [but it don’t work on you]” by Muddy Waters.
One love interest, probably the main one, would be accompanied by one of the Gretchen/Margaret themes either from Liszt’s “Totentanz” or Berlioz’s “Damnation of Faust”. You know, to put her up on a pedestal and classiness, and to suggest to the more intelligent moviegoers that “me” is going to fall apart and end up in the shitter trying to chase after this girl in vain.
Doesn’t have much to do with the plot overall, but I’d like to have one scene where one character is in a pool hall, playing average pool, until he or someone else requests “Bad To The Bone” by George Thurogood on the pool hall jukebox and. of course, for the duration of the song the character plays brilliant hustler-grade pool, sinking ball after ball, nailing every trick shot, and getting away with all sorts of cool posing and mugging for the gathering audience.
Musical Number: when “me” finally quits his job, he starts singing “Take This Job and Shove It” punk style, a backing band appears out of nowhere to mime along to the Dead Kennedys cover of said song.
“The Man in Black” by Johnny Cash would work its way in there too, somehow. Maybe in the opening credits.
“Straight To Hell” and “The Equaliser” by The Clash.
“Crippled Inside” by John Lennon.
When “me” joins a band, their one hit is a cover of “This Party Sucks” by the Slickee Boys.
“Back To The Old House” by The Smiths during the climax, when “me” becomes fairly successful in what’s a bittersweet semi-happy ending: the big dream doesn’t pan out, but he gets #3 or #4 on the “dream careers” list. “He” doesn’t get the girl he’s been fixating on for half the film, though, and “he” recognizes a big part of it is due to his chosen career. Part of becoming who he wants to be included not getting involved with her. Something like that.
Of course, since I’m directing, this is just a fake happy ending. Two minutes later, “He” is in the middle of a traditional voice-over type ending scene where he sums things up and realizes that, all in all, he has it pretty good. In the middle of that, out of absolutely nowhere, he is just simply, arbitrarily fatally shot by some guy, a total stranger “he” has never known (and vice versa) fleeing the scene of a robbery. Yep. “Me” dies at the end.
Immediate, silent, abrupt end. Credits roll. Go home. Thank you for your $8.
Then, just for sheer pretentiousness and ego-stroking, first “One Love” by Bob Marley, and second “Imagine” by John Lennon get played over the ending credits.