Only the tavern?
Well, the dwarven cleric of the group DID manage to get his way outside, urinate in the public fountain, then pass out unconscious while “talking” to a noblewoman.
Damn, I can’t believe I missed that. Or maybe I wasn’t in the boards yet.
Originally posted by Valkyrie Esker
If you like stupid and pointless games, you should have sat in on my group when we went on “The Quest for the Magical Panties.” ><
DOWN WITH PANTIES!!!
>.>
<.<
Ahem, sorry.
How about a quest for The Holy Vibrator? That was a suggestion that keeps popping up from time to time.
Originally posted by Dragon Ninja
How about a quest for The Holy Vibrator? That was a suggestion that keeps popping up from time to time.
No, even OUR group has standards!
…And that doesn’t come anywhere NEAR them! I’ll bring it up next time we meet!
Makes my charcters fear of soap and 2 big burly men washing me sound tame.
Originally posted by Frameskip
Makes my charcters fear of soap and 2 big burly men washing me sound tame.
Ooh, fear of soap! I’ll see if I can work that into the next character someone gets. ^^
It was funny because people shied away from me and the non-half-orc part of my team had to do Con checks a lot around me. The really funny part was that I was a druid, so I sold pot as a side thing, so I was both popular and avoided.
Originally posted by Frameskip
It was funny because people shied away from me and the non-half-orc part of my team had to do Con checks a lot around me. The really funny part was that I was a druid, so I sold pot as a side thing, so I was both popular and avoided.
Frameskip… that has to be one of the most screwed-up character backgrounds… ever.
I LOVE IT! 
Originally posted by Valkyrie Esker
Well, the dwarven cleric of the group DID manage to get his way outside, urinate in the public fountain, then pass out unconscious while “talking” to a noblewoman.
jaw drops
rolls on the floor laughing
bangs his head on his desk
Reminds me of the “how evil can you get” games. One DM, several buzzed players, soon to become drunk, all Chaotic Evil characters that love gratuitious violence.
We usually get to 4-5 towns destroyed before they send in the big guns (and someone pukes on their char sheet, at which we point, laugh, and stop the game).
But we do make games that are more serious.
But this one, I must laugh at.
My friend decided to make a ninja for one of our quests, and I regretfully accepted it. He utterly destroyed everything in his path, and his partner, an unsubtle warrior, made a bad move regarding the people of the town and they were on them (10 in all as the others were too cowardly), they kill nine of them. The last guy is too enfuriated to stop, and thus attacks the ninja. He had a board with a nail in it.
He rolls a 20. We were playing with Combat and Tactics Critical Table rule, except for the weapon limiter unless it sounded a little too stupid. (For example, a dagger exploding the head of a dragon)
Results of the rolls on the table.
10 (hits the head)
12 (Head explodes, instant death, no ressurection possible without restoring the body)
What’s worse is that he was level 10. A level 10 ninja killed by a peasant with a board (and a nail in it). Too funny to ignore.
Or the 7th level halfling warrior that got killed by a boar (not even a wild one).
There’s also the incident with the ghostwalker.
Ghostwalker finds the group he abandoned 10 years ago because they thought him dead. They’re being attacked by huge skeletons. He sets his heavy crossbow on “Ballista” (Magical crossbow with various settings), and shoots. It makes a goddamn loud sound as the skeleton goes through the wall. He kills it, and the group kills the other two, the ghostwalker dealing the final blow to another of these skeletons (using a longsword). So, the thief asks who is he. Him not recognizing the thief, he just walks away, the thief runs after him with hand crossbows armed. The ghostwalker, fearing for his safety, turns around, sets the crossbow on “Melf’s Acid Arrow”, and fires right in the heart. He then continues until he’s faced by someone of the group’s pet dragon (which he would have killed, but then his adopted kid kinda got pissed and teleported in front of him, and if you’re asking what the hell is that kid, you do NOT want to know).
I just found that funny because of the Melf’s Acid Arrow.
Hmmm… some of my group’s wonderful stuff that has happened:
Okay, so the party fights against a bunch of ghouls. Fighter manages to get himself in a jam as a Cleric casts hold person on him. Enter 8 rounds of misses from the mage/cleric/rogue/ranger as they fail to dent him at all, while he bashes the Ranger’s head in with his Giant Club and wounds the others aswell. Finally, Fighter gets loose and rolls double twenties using his spear. I declared German Bollocks Penetration move on that one…
Another fine one is where the party’s fighter falls asleep on a magical bed with a <b>book</b> next to it. The others kick, punch, pour water on him, burn, loot, toss him off the bed, tickle him, bitchslap, poke, irritate and everything, until after 40 mins of out-game time I once more describe VERY obviously that there’s a book next to the bed which has a certain fairytale in it about a bed which causes inability to sleep to anyone who sleeps on it while a pea is under the matress—
And one more… the rogue is picking a lock. Since it’s armed with a trap and he can’t remove it, he spends 2 hours in-game time trying to pick it anyway, not succeeding. Then the mage gets pissed off and kicks the door. It opens, AND springs the trap on a bunch of monsters behind the door XD
soooooooooooooooooo many great ideas . . . . . .
Be very afraid…
You know, if you ever really want screwed-up Dming ideas, I know a guy who can give you a buncha good ones.
“I believe that rape has no place in roleplaying games unless handled maturely. Randomly deciding if a PC gets raped is not maturely handling the situation. In fact, I think that rape should ALMOST NEVER be in any roleplaying game… but I think that it is possibly the most disgusting crime, so I’m biased.”
I think the Third edition book, 'Book of Vile Darkness" or something, mentions how rape, sacrifice and such should be handled in games. Just thought i’d point it out 
God bless quircky OOC comments
- +Evelyn(Dai) forces a smile
@Sythe(Kagon)> “…You’re faking it. What’s wrong?” - +Evelyn looks down “Everybody’s angry…”
+Kairi(me)> (She fakes it every night Sythe)
+Kairi> (You never noticed?)
<@Sythe> (die)
I got to colcock Frame with a fish the other day.
My character is an Elven Ranger, and Frame’s is a Human Fighter. How much more cliched can you get, you ask? Simple; Jo’s character is a Halfling Thief. At this point in the game, Frame’s swordsman-master/tutor/foster-father has given him the beating of his life in practice (with a cane which the old man uses to chop wood 0_o). He has about 3 hp left, but it’s all subdual damage. I’m out looking for food; game is scarce and, as my character puts it “the wind stinks of omens.” Something is up. We continually make jokes like “I sense a disturbance in the Force. Uh, sorry, the FOREST.”
Anyway, Frame is pretty whiff after getting the beating of his life, so he decides to go wash up “I don’t want to turn into some unwashed, long-haired hippie,” he says. I stumble upon him in my territory, dirtying my stream. I can handle that, though; I’m not as pigheaded as I used to be.
Then Frame fails a con check. Bubbles float to the surface. This is not lost on my character. I do a spot check, to see fi there’s anything on the bank, something I could beat this walking infestation severly with. I see a dead fish, which apparently took a methane blast to the gills.
That sends me over the edge. I run down the bank, pulling out a successful dex check and picking up the fish as I crash into the water. Frame fails his first spot check (the DM tells him he was cleaning out his ears) but succeeds on the second, turning around to see a very pissed elf with a verdant plant motif burned into his skin.
Why I look this way: I was a Moon Elf, but I was cursed by the gods for my arrogance, and became a Wood Elf. My skin is imprinted with the image of all the intervening plants when Obad-Hai decided I needed to be punished, but for two fingerprints on my eyelids, where Elohnna pressed my eyes shut to protect my sight. As such, she’s my diety. But I’m still a Moon Elf at heart; I’m aloof, terse, and especially unforgiving of people who do rude things, like farting in my favorite tributary.
I’m not a people person.
So, I haul off and smack Frame with the fish. I hit him; I might even have crit-ed. Then I rolled a D4 to determine damage, and got a 4. I smacked him down like a redheaded stepchild.
After that, I grabbed the fish, Frame’s clothes, grabbed a handful of his hair and started dragging him toward a column of smoke I could only assume came from his domicile. I met his master, Balgas, who knows the Ranger who tutors me, and buried the fish in Balgas’ garden (the DM says I’ll get some extra XP for that).
Frame and Jo had their funny moments too, but I’ll leave that to them.
Oh yes, and I kbitzed later (blurted out a hint when Frame was in jail, being interrogated) and got the kibosh put on me. That is, I was immediately collared and thrown in with my friends.
Thanks for entertaining my rantings.
Well…let’s see, I have a lot of humorous moments.
Let’s see…well once our elven ranger fell into a whole, and broke his leg or something (he couldn’t move) and our DM gave a sadistic smile and the person who played the ranger started sreaming, until he found out it was just a rat. But he was injured and the dire rat was hungry. I saved him by jumping dragoon style into the pit and impaling the rat with my long spear.
Another time would be when the elven ranger accidently shot out wizard (wizard was oddly enough in melee and range missed Ac by 2 or something, so his arrow hit the wizard) which criritcaled and dropped the wizard to -9. this was in the first 10 minutes of play. The ranger also later shot my first character (a druid)'s badger, i was about to hit him, but the arrow did only 1 point of damage and it sent him into a berserker rage.
Speaking of the elven ranger… the rest of the party met him when a bloody, battered mime flew out of an alleyway with a shoeprint on him…the elf doesnt like street performers.
My second character (dwarf druid; first druid fell to a basalisk and is now a statue) got captured by orcs, and the rest fo the party followed the orcs, and eventually caught up with them. The orcs had me tied to a wooden log, and when they ran out of options, threw me ( attached to the log) at one of the horse-riding party members.
Recenetly, me and my party were going through the Speaker in Dreams campaign (my new character is a dwarven fighter/barbarian… i didnt feel like playing another druid) and if you are familiar with the campaign, you know that
a Mindflayer controls the Baron of the town and destroys the teple of pelor, turning it into a fortress for demons, and appointed devils as the new town guard. anyway… a devil walked up and said “Holding weapons outside of your homes…penalty…death!” um yeah… battle ensued and I…killed him in one hit (carved out his chest) and then pissed in his chest cavity. Come to think of it… beat the Mindflayer in one hit too…
well, I could go on, maybe I’ll post more later.
I remember one moment when I was playing a low lvl thief in one game with a half orc fighter, a mage, and paladin. We were in this weird room where we fighting off against 2 stone gargoyles. Since our mage ran out of spells by the time we got there, she couldn’t do much so our paladin and half orc fighter decides to attack it close combat while I decide to start chucking throwing knives like no tomorrow at them. Little did I know of course since this was when I was starting to get into RPGing was that throwing a projectile in a group has an off chance of hitting your allies while their in melee. Lo and behold the first throwing knife I use finds its way to the rear end of the paladin. Luckily though I managed to crit with the other shot and instantly kill one of the stone gargoyles by lodging one through its eye. Of course the paladin was plenty mad that I nailed him in the butt with one of my throwing knives but while he was chewing me out I decided to retrieve my knife from him while he was doing that, which just aggravated the damage more.