Shed A Tear For Me

The Core Media Forum
1

I went back to the sonnet form for this poem. What do you think of it?

Shed A Tear For Me
I want to shed a tear for you, but how?
Thinking of you puts me in a dull ache.
Your thoughts have been troubled, and for your sake,
I wish I could cry - but I forgot how.
Perhaps there’s nothing to learn, and now,
Worrying about you will only make
My eyes grow drier. Let me take a break,
And let me no longer care about you.
Oh - even as the moisture returns to
My eyes, I no longer want to cry; all
My tears still linger inside. Thoughts of you
Beckon me to tears; only my hopes fall.
My desire to cry makes my eyes run dry.
I never will. Will you shed a tear for me?

I wrote this one a few hours later:

Red Mistress
I’m seeing you too often, Red Mistress.
For my sake, I divorced myself from you.
We were not meant to be together: two
Lovers merely by chance. Leave me - unless
You’re interested in just talking? Less
Pleasure, in that, but also less pain. You
Would steal my peace of mind whenever you
Visited. You left all my life a mess.
Still, I remember the pleasure we shared.
It makes me wonder, do I truly gain,
By leaving you? There’s something about you
That’s always tempting me. I never cared
About the pain - sweet seductress, sweet pain.
I don’t mind - my pain becomes love for you.

2

This is really good, but very, very depressed. I like it, though, it has a nice rythm and the word are great.

3

Thanks, I’m glad you liked it.

I added another poem to the post just now. Maybe it’s a little less depressing?

4

I quite like it alright, and it’s definitely less depressed. For some reason it seems quite ironic to me.

5

I hadn’t thought of it as ironic, but you’re right. The speaker’s attitude reverses pretty quickly. I’d been reading from his perspective, and feeling the seduction more than the irony of the situation.

6

Nice poems! The first one is very powerful! It really rings a bell, because how often do we find ourselves being bogged down by another’s problems? I know that sometimes trying to help someone else who is stressed can cause stress for oneself, and seeing someone you care about being upset is often quite upsetting. The irony of asking the person who was originally the one who needed sympathy to offer sympathy was wonderful!

For some reason, I immediately associated Red Mistress with blood, and thought of a cutter who has quit the habit and restarted again, re-learning why they did it in the first place. For this reason, I found it quite a bit more depressing than the first. Of course, red is also the colour of passion, which is probably what you meant here.

Excellent job!