Sample "Magus Rex" Chapter (Chrono Trigger)

I’ve been trying to create something of an idea of what happened in the past to bring the Kingdom of Zeal into such arrogance and why the Earthbound ones are so desecrated.

So, I created something that occurs outside of the CT timeline, perhaps it could be considered a stand alone story that would never occur in the CT timeline. Even though it has references to the game, I think it would be best thought of as a historical look at The Kingdom of Zeal before the events of Chrono Trigger. Some of the ages have been slightly altered and there are characters not seen in the game. Even locales not seen in the game. Zeal has always fascinated me. So I figured, with all these fanfics about finding Schala, Chrono and Nadia getting married, no one ever thought of a Zeal fanfic. While it may not be the greatest thing ever written, this is an earnest attempt at creating a history for the Kingdom of Zeal, something that was barely touched on in the Chrono Trigger game.

Enjoy and criticize all you like. :slight_smile:

Prologue: The Interrogation of Magus.

The battle has ended. At least, to Magus’ knowledge it has. Unable to return to his own time, the last scion of a long dead kingdom that once dwelt in the skies above the world. Magus has been summoned by unknown forces that are ancient and powerful.

He waits in the void for the entities to reveal to him the purpose for his summons.

Darkness…all there is is pitch black. A lone figure illuminates in the middle of it all.

Magus, wrapped in his cloak, concentrates on the unknown presence. His eyes are red and his expression is of anger. A voice is heard.

“Who are you?”

Magus gets even agrier “You know who I am. Why are so many cosmic entities confronting me at once?”

Another voice is heard. “If one of us is to pass on, you are the next viable candidate. Your energy has grown over time.”

A third voice “However, you’ve not proven your worthiness. You never destroyed the one who might have had more power than you. Why not?”

Magus fiercely whispers “Lavos…Surely my involvement in it’s first defeat proves some merit!”

First voice says “Your answer deviates from the question. Not fitting for someone of your heritage…or have you forgotten where you came from?”

Magus looks down and replies “No, I am Magus…son of…”

*long ago

“Zeal, my queen!” a slender young girl, runs down a grand palace hallway of marble, decorated with ornate tapestries and large columns.

A woman of her mid thirties, in a dark blue dress and a large red pendant around her neck turns to the sound of her name being called out. Zeal turns to her aide, her lavender hair cascading over her left shoulder.

“What is it, Zerle?”

Zerle, the Queen’s aide curties quickly and says “My Queen, Chief Knight, Garax wishes to meet with you in your study as soon as you are free.”

Zeal turns around and begins walking, “Very well.” Zeal continues to her study, but first stops at a large, highly polished wooden door with a golden frame. At the top of it, the letter “S” is sculpted in the frame of gold. Foregoing any sense of courtesy, the Queen simply enters the chamber without knocking.

A girl roughly the age of 17 is sitting in front of the window in a large green chair, reading a book. She has long purple hair tied in a ponytail, and is dressed in a beautiful silk purple dress. Completely unaware of her mothers presense.

The Queen says sternly, “Schala, my dear. Come with me.”

Schala jumps at her mother’s voice. She quickly puts down her book and hurries towards her mother, who has already exited the room and started down the hall in the direction of her study.

Schala hastily reaches her mother’s side. “Yes, mother. What is the matter?”

Zeal answers “I require you to have Janus accompany you to the White Tower. He’s been far too involved with his swordplay and warrior skills. The Kingdom of Zeal is not built upon brute violence. We thrive on magical knowledge. Magic is our way of life, as it should always be. The things Janus loves is the way of the Overlanders…barbaric.”

Schala looks down to the ground, her mind racing for a way to defend her brother’s interests.

“Mother, you know that Janus isnt interested in magic in the least. He doesnt have the concentration for it.”

Zeal snorts “Well then, who better than his big sister to get him interested?”

Schala frowns at the thought of coercing her brother into doing something he doesn’t want.

“If you say so mother.” Further down the hallway she sees a clean cut, handsome, yet arrogant looking man in knight’s armor entering the Queen’s Study.

“Garax?” She thinks.

The Queen stops at her study door. “Thank you for your time, my daughter. That is all that I require from you.”

Schala curties and turns away. Her mind racing with distasteful thoughts. “Mother, im not ignorant of you and Garax. Why, did you forsake father for him?”

Zeal enters her study which is simply a 4 cornered room, with a bookshelf on the right and left sides, her desk in the middle and a window behind it. She closes the door and is spun around by Garax who was hiding behind the door. Garax pushes her into the wall and forcefully gives her a long, deep, passionate kiss.

Zeal, pushes him away. “Foolish man, what if I had my aides with me?”

Garax smiles connivingly and looks away. “Well, you weren’t were you? I saw you with the Princess.”

Zeal nods and takes a seat at her desk. “What is it you wanted?”

Garax’s face turns serious. “It concerns the Overlanders. I dont think they will cooperate if you ask for their element.”

Zeal nods “I realize that, Garax. It takes more than polite asking to get what you want from a stubborn group as them. People who live on land are so…primitive.”

Garax laughs “Whatever your plan is, it most likely will not work. They would rather die than give you the element we require.”

Zeal muses, “The question is, can we really weather a war over all of this?”

Garax looks out the window behind her. “No, my Queen, the question is…Can the Kindom of Zeal survive it intact? I can’t wait to hear your solution to our problem.”

The Palace Courtyard

A young man of 12 with purple hair in a ponytail, dressed in a white long sleeved shirt and black trousers falls backwards towards the ground. He looks up to a man in his 20’s wearing the same outfit. The man points his sword to the younger boy’s chest.

“You lack a good defense Janus.” He laughs. “You’re too easy to knock off balance.”

Janus’ face turns angry, he swipes the sword away with his own, leaping to his feet. “I dont think so, Ronan. You may be my trainer, but I CAN think up my own techniques once in a while.”

Ronan laughs. “OK, give it a shot. Show me what you can do.”

Janus swings his sword over his head, Ronan moves his up to counter, the blades meet, and as Ronan recoils from it, Janus tries to sweep kick him. Ronan stumbles backwards trying to regain his balance.

“Now is my opening!” Janus thinks. He rushes to attack but is met with a mighty barrage of sword swings from the still off-balance Ronan. It takes Janus all of his concentration to just counter and block them all. Finally, Janus is slammed up against a fence. He instinctively looks over his shoulder to see what it is that he struck against. Ronan sweeps him off of his feet using his sheath. Janus yelps as he strikes his head against the fence, and drops his sword.

“Damn. I was careless.” Janus thinks to himself.

Ronan laughs, “Your technique is very effective. Take more time to perfect it; and judging by the looks of your head… I say we should call it a day.”

Standing up, Janus runs his fingers against the back of his head to the area that struck the fence. He winces, feeling a trickle of blood. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Janus!” A female voice calls out.

He looks happily over his shoulder. “Schala!” Running to the opposite side of the courtyard, he finds his sister waiting for him.

She looks at him and laughs, “I guess maybe you should clean up before we go.”

“Go? Go where?” Janus asks.

Schala replies “You’ll see. Come on, i’ll tell you on your way to the baths.”

They start their walk.

“Mother wishes you to come to the White Tower with me today. Melchior wishes to speak with you.”

Janus frowns, “Why? I dont care about that stuff. Magic has never been interesting. It’s so boring. All you do is ever study white magic. Whats the fun in that? Where’s the magic to attack!? The black magic!?”

Schala’s eyes go wide, she looks around nervously, then down to him in a cross manner, “Dont say that! We are a peaceful kingdom. Our magic is used to make us more prosperous. Not to decimate others.”

Janus laughs “Wow, you sound so serious. Almost like mom.”

Schala gets a pained expression. “I did, huh? Well, mother doesn’t like you practicing all those warrior skills.”

Janus looks up at her “Why not? Father always let me. He was so much different than mom…I miss him.”

Schala’s eyes tear up, " I know, I miss him too."

In her throneroom, Zeal has called together her entire cabinet. Diplomats, Senators and the like. Before all of these people, she is ready to unveil her plan to attain the element she needs to enact her dream. She addresses them from upon her throne.

"I have called you here to bring you my wishes regarding the hording of a magical element by the Overlanders. We will dispatch a delegation to them. I want negotiators to do the best they can to persuade them to hand it over. However, if they do not…then we shall make war upon them. Yet, war should be the farthest thing from our minds. First and foremost, is attaining the element to complete the Mammon Machine. Their destruction comes later.

"I want our negotiations to fail, then I shall enact my failsafe. You all have your orders on what to do to ensure that they fail.

"Our great kingdom is on the threshold of a new era. To gain ultimate power, we must harness five elementals of magic. As it stands now, we have 4. As fate would have it, the fifth is in possession of the Overlanders. We need that element.

“I want this to be handled carefully. However, the Overlanders do not trust us. The view us as arrogant and dishonest. Simply because we are superior to them. While it IS our nature to be superior to them, the Overlanders will not tolerate those kinds of attitudes during this negotiation. No, I need to put on a facade for this delegation to them. The only bright, beautiful and naturally
good person that is oblivious to the true nature of the Kingdom of Zeal is my own daughter, Princess Schala.”

The cabinet murmers approval and astonishment. Had the Queen lost her sense of morality? Or were her true desires really that beneficial to the Kingdom of Zeal?

The Queen smiles “Schala will be our toy in this. I couldnt have found anyone who suited the role of the dupe better. She will ensure that Zeal shall live forever…”

End of Chapter 1

Well, it’s not the greatest…but it is the slowest of the chapters I have written.

I have 9 completed so far. It’s interesting in it’s own right…just hard to think of a history for this place.

I’ve also had the worst time creating scenery in this chapter. The later chapters have a better feeling to them. It’s something I struggle with.

All in all, im having fun with it.

Quite nice, there’s room for some improvement though. You set the scene well in the start but you never really explain how Magus got to that place.
Also, ellipses, there should only be three periods in them:

Lavos…Surely my involvement/…/

Should be:

Lavos… surely my involvement/…/

Note the space between the last period and that the S isn’t capitalized. Ellipses count as a comma, and therefore the next word shouldn’t be capitalized.
Some parts of the story also seems a little choppy:

Zeal, pushes him away. “Foolish man, what if I had my aides with me?”
Garax smiles connivingly and looks away. “Well, you weren’t were you? I saw you with the Princess.”
Zeal nods and takes a seat at her desk. “What is it you wanted?”
Garax’s face turns serious. “It concerns the Overlanders. I dont think they will cooperate if you ask for their element.”

X does something, and something else, speaks.
Y does something, and something else, speaks.

Also, it can work to have the explanation of tone and action before the piece of dialogue, but you shouldn’t overuse it. Do like this instead:

“I realize that, Garax,” Zeal nods, “it takes more than polite asking to get what you want from a stubborn group as them. People who live on land are so…primitive.”

Last, don’t announce the new setting, show us where we are instead. “The Palace Courtyard” - describe instead what it looks like instead of just stating the fact. Show, don’t tell. Ancient rule of writing that I myself have some troubles with as well :slight_smile:

I hope that helps you.

Yeah, I struggle with the setting issues. Mainly because it was meant to be a graphic novel on my part. I dismissed that idea and decided to transfer it into a fanfiction.

To answer your questions about how Magus got to that “void” is to be revealed after this little epic.

Thanks for your input though. This first chapter is the one that needed the proofreading more than most. I’ll do my best in making the rest of the chapters better with your feedback in mind.

Once you see the rest of the chapters, I hope you’ll see somewhat of an improvment in my writing.

Thanks again.

I’ve seen a lot of people make this mistake, but you’re confusing present and past tenses in writing. Use past tense in narrating and the story will sound much better. :slight_smile: