Now it seems like everything that can screw up on my comp will screw up.
And this:
I’m left wondering what’s going on, and thining it’s a virus, but obviously, McAfee’s no help…
o_O Does MCAffe even do a self-check before scanning for viruses? If not, get a virus shield which does. Like AntiVir. AntiVir = god.
looks fine to me
Uh char… note the “Virus definition version: 0.0.0” and “Virus definitions created: 12/31/1969”
I said… it looks… fine!
…but but but how can 0.0.0 be fine it means nothing and nothing means no cookies so I have no cookies and neither do you how can that be fine? ._.
gives you a cookie 
Yay ^^ <rarararar>
You should just replace it.
Talk to me or Tenchumaru Draconis.
Made in 1969…
McAfee made in America…
America…
1969…
America…
1969…
YOUR VIRUS SCANNER IS A COMMUNIST! 
I hereby announce my eternal and unyielding love for you.
The 0.0.0 thing is rather odd. I say try out the NOD32 if you’re freaked about viruses. www.eset.com
P.S. You might need a different virus scanner if you don’t use Outlook/Outlook express…Hotmail might work under NOD32 too…