My first try at a fanfic...

Well, I’ve never done anything like this before, but I’ll give a first-person fanfic a try. Each day is equivelant to 1 chapter, for those who don’t know.


Day 1: I hate my life...

I had been summoned by the village elder to accomplish a task for him...  I'm really begin to dispise him with his 'do this, do that'.  Although I have no choice but to obey him...

"John?  Is that you?" He began

"Yes.  What task have you for me to do today?" I asked, still upset at him

"I have heard that the cave north of here has a lot of treasure hidden within it.  I'd go do it myself, but I'm just too old."  he said

"Alright..." I said, now really angry.

I couldn't believe it.  He wanted me to go get treasure for him in return for 1500 gold pieces?!?  I was thinking of a while to get by without him noticing, but I was coming up with nothing.  Once inside the cave, I looked around, but could find no treasure.  I began to wonder what kind of drugs he was on.  Then, it suddently hit me... I remembered something he had once told me:

'Remember... treasure may sometimes be hidden in walls, search carefully.'

<sarcastic tone>"I wonder if I should search the walls.... after all my wise-all-knowing elder told me to." </sarcastic tone> "I suppose I should, it will most likely be worth the effort later.

With that, I began searching the walls, finding nothing.  Suddenly, a wall gave way and I fell into a chasm...  As I was falling, one thought was on my mind "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die!!!"

I hit the ground quite hard and blacked out.  By the time I woke up, several hours had passed.  I had to find a way out... and soon!  Searching the walls for secret passages proved futile, so I seemed all I could do was ask for help.

"Excuse me kind sir, do you know of a way out of here..." I asked a muscular man, who seemed to also be lost.

"No, I am afraid I cannot help you.  However, I think this wall is a magical trap... It may break at the slightest bit of magic... You can cast magic, right?" he replied.

"Of course... why else would the village elder give me wizard robes?" I joking asked him, while casting a simple Ice spell to break the wall.

"I guess that makes sense.  Well, I must be going now, sorry to leave so soon." he said to me, walking away.

"Ok.  Perhaps we will meet again" I say into the distance, but he had gone up the stairs already.

It seemed the stairs were the only way out, so I continued forward until I reached a fork with two paths, and a door at the end of each one.

"Hmm... Which way to go?  I guess I can try right first, then go back and do left."

I headed to the right, only to be surprised to see the muscular man again.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him

"Can't talk now.  Mind helping me defeat this giant turtle" he said without even turning around.

"Sure... BOLT 2!!!"

A giant lightning bolt flew out of the sky and struck the turtle.  I joined the man to fight this thing.  Suddenly, I was bit in the neck by the turtle.

"ouch.  that hurt... mutha fugga, you die now! FIRE 2!!!!!"

The turtle is burned quite badly, and combined with one last blow from the man's sword, we had defeated it.

"Well, we did it...  Thanks for your help." I say, exiting through the north door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Night 1: Cave floor is not fun to sleep on

My nice warm bed back in town was no where near where I was.  I had no choice but to sleep on the cold hard ground...

"Today has been one of the worst days ever... I fell into a hole, got bit by a giant turtle, and now I have to sleep on the cave floor.  I hate my life sometimes!"

I've never figured out why, but ranting helps me sleep sometimes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'll post Days 2 and 3 sometime later.  Let me know what you guys think, ok?

Well, nice start though it could use a little work. What game is it about? :slight_smile:
Some pointers:

I had been summoned by the village elder to accomplish a task for him… I’m really begin(ning) to dispise (despise) him with his ‘do this, do that’. Although I have no choice but to obey him…

>Don’t use multiple periods in the text itself too much, save those for the dialogue. A comma will do the work here.
And why doesn’t the main character have any choice?

“John? Is that you?” He began

>Period after “began”, and no capital letter needed in “He” there.

“Yes. What task have you for me to do today?” I asked, still upset at him

>Period again. And maybe consider rephrasing the question into something like “What task have you for me today” or something similar, it sounds a little tacky as is.

“I have heard that the cave north of here has a lot of treasure hidden within it. I’d go do it myself, but I’m just too old.” he said

>Period. How far off is the cave? That’s a bit of vital information.

“Alright…” I said, now really angry.

I couldn’t believe it. He wanted me to go get treasure for him in return for 1500 gold pieces?!? I was thinking of a while (way?) to get by without him noticing, but I was coming up with nothing. Once inside the cave, I looked around, but could find no treasure. I began to wonder what kind of drugs he was on.

>When was it stated that John would work for 1500 gold pieces?
And the story jumps forwards very quickly to and inside the cave, you could add more detail about John’s trip there and how the cave looked inside.

Just a few pointers to think about. :slight_smile:

Mistress Weiila has already pointed out what you should look at. :slight_smile:

Looking good otherwise. Nice start. :slight_smile:

yeah, I did make a few errors, but that’s what practice is for, right?

I know what ya’ mean… took me a while to get my writing right and I still have trouble :stuck_out_tongue: so, practice always helps. :cool:

Exactly, Prince :slight_smile: That’s the right mentality, the one that creates great artists and writers. It’s first try after all, you can only get better :slight_smile:

For me, spelling, punctuation, etc. is not a big deal, as I almost always get it right.

It’s the actual STORIES that’re the hard part. =P

Anyway, hope to see more of this!

WHat Zhou said. ^_- You should see my first attempt at fiction. The spelling and grammer were terrible.

Good luck to you, I say. I’ve been writing for years and I still suck, but since I’m below average anyway you don’t have anything to worry about. Keep working on it.

The man who sprouts quotes such as “A god just told me to fuck myself” dost not sucketh, Caleb :wink:

Is that in the fanfic quotes section? Should be.

Pierson: Yup, it is. Submitted by redshuriken, our quotes masta’!

A master of disaster?:thud: Alright. No more puns today. I promise.

By the way, I like the diary format of the fic. It can be really good when it’s done well.