Actually, though, I am kinda confused about a situation:
There’s this girl named Addie, she’s a rude girl, and she’s a really chill kid. She just broke up with her longtime and first serious boyfriend. I’ve known her since the start of school this year (she’s a freshman and I’m a sophomore, but she’s old for her grade and I’m young for mine, so we only have a four of five month age difference, at most), and we were talking over IM today, and she mentioned that ever since she and Josh broke up, she’s felt like she wanted a boyfriend really bad. She hasn’t, evidently, told anyone else this.
Now, one important note from my side of the story. One of my friends (who I owe about eighteen favours to) is trying to set me up with his sister. I don’t like her, but can’t really say no, and am trying to get out of this.
So, my dilemma is basically if I should make a move on Addie or not. On one hand, I really do like her, and she might be trying to say something by only me she wants a boyfriend really bad, but she also might be telling me because she trusts me as a friend, and I don’t want to take advantage of that. Also, I’d really rather be sure, since this came up after I found out about Scott’s sister, that ‘having a girlfriend’ to get out of that has nothing to do with this, but I’d also rather not have Addie assume I’m not interested (which she may do if she thinks she’s being obvious and I’m not asking).
So yes, would you guys think she was hinting at me, just saying it, or what, and would it be a moral/romantically good (either one or both) idea to ask her out?
Don’t be obvious about it. Just hang around her a lot, and treat her nice and stuff, but don’t make it obvious that you like her. Compliment her, but do it within reason.
If you don’t want to date your friend’s sister, just tell him straight to his face. Believe me, going out with someone you don’t really like just because you don’t want to hurt them isn’t a good idea. I know from experience.
I don’t know what to suggest other than getting set up with someone you have no interest in is a bad idea. I would go for the other girl, but I’m not very good with social situations like this, honestly. I don’t know HOW.
Steve: I bought her a CD on Friday, and even after saying how I didn’t have that much money, and she should try and pick something cheap, bought a pretty expensive compilation, so I’ve already got the ‘being nice’ thing covered. Oh, and I generally do that for people I think is cool, so it wouldn’t be an obvious thing, either.
As for the set-up, it’d only be one day, it’s just that Scott’s sister really doesn’t want to do it either, and we’re both wasting an evening of our lives because we can’t really tell him ‘no’ effectively until one of us comes up with a good reason, so I have no intent of really going out with her.
GAP: Well, thanks [STRIKE]either[/STRIKE] [I think ‘any’ was the word I meant] way.
SK is completely right. Telling someone, anyone, to pick something cheap when you’re paying is a bad idea.
Also, the point of you not being overly nice is exactly that. She won’t think you’re treating her specially compared to other people. I subscribe to the theory of disregard. If you ignore, they try harder. This goes in any situation. Human beings strive to be noticed by other human beings. How true that is can be argued, but I like to think it’s pretty true on a few levels.
Steve: That “theory of disregard” is true, to an extent. You need to play around like that a little, yes, to grab their attention. But even taking it just that half a step too far can severely screw things up…
Apart from that, I think just being nice is a good shot. Be there for her too, open yourself up to talking with her whenever you get the chance, and let her know that she can trust you, and talk with you if need ever be. Generally if you are there for someone, they will see that you care for them… unless they’re just a cold bitch (no offense intended). Then of course, you can just build from there; do whatever you feel is appropriate for the girl. That always differs, so I don’t think I can give any advice there, because I don’t know her, sorry.
I honestly think you shouldn’t have bought her anything at all, unless you know her that well…otherwise, you’re just gonna establish that you’ll be pampering her through your entire relationship. If you wanna show her some deep-seated respect, find ways to do it that don’t necesarily require money, and do it cos you wanna do it, not cos you wanna impress some chick. Best advice I can give you when starting off with a girl: Do NOT make money an issue.
Anyways, if you wanna get with her, don’t pussyfoot around it, just fucking strongarm that shit and get to it, cos if she likes you, she’ll like you less, the longer you keep her waiting.
And, as for your friend’s sister, fuck that shit (this line is open to interpretation).
Don’t be indecisive and don’t try any stupid tricks or philosophies on her. The things Steve and SK said are true, but not consistently enough to risk anything on them.
There’s a difference between being poor and being cheap. You can be poor. Just don’t be cheap. To anyone, not just her.
Ninten’s right when he said to just do whatever you feel is appropriate. Don’t overcomplicate things with a bunch of roundabout shit. And stay far far FAR away from anything resembling “rules of dating” and other such shit.
This is high school, you’re thinking entirely too much about this and taking this far too seriously, as demonstrated with the CD thing. Take things as they come and learn to let them go because nothing sticks at age you 2 are at.
If you’re not really interested in your friend’s sister, I’d say clear that up. Being in a relationship because you feel obligated to be in it kind of ruins the purpose. I don’t think she’d be interesting in having a boyfriend solely on the basis of being pitied, or for whatever you two would be set up.
For Addie, ask her if she’d want to hang out, or get together, or go out. I would avoid the word “date” for the first time, just because it carries such a loaded meaning. If she just recently broke up with her first longtime and serious boyfriend, it might be easier to start things off casually.
God, I wish my relationship problems were this easy.
First, you don’t want to go out with your friend’s sister, and she doesn’t want to go out with you. I don’t see the problem there. Tell your friend to drop it.
With Addie, she already seems to be confiding in you, so that is good. She said that she wants a boyfriend, to you, which also seems like a very good sign. My advice is to hang out with her as much as you can. Treat her nice. As for the actual asking out, don’t. Make plans, don’t make dates. Just go out with her and have fun. Show her that you are fun to be around. Then, when you think there’s an opening, kiss her.
@Arac: I wouldn’t “make a move” on her. Just start to get closer to her, call her alot, hang out with her often, just generally be around her alot. You’ll eventually begin to understand what she’s thinking about you, and then you can make a more educated decision of “do i want to ask her out or not”
Or just do what i do and forgo the ‘asking out/dating’ and proceed directly to ‘bang the living shit out of her’.
also, this made me lol-
…even after saying how I didn’t have that much money, and she should try and pick something cheap…
