Yeah so apologize Ren, you big staff wielder you. Wiccans are actually good people who get incredibly stereo typed and and…I’m sorry, I’ll save the Wiccan heroics for another thread, though I’d love to keep the discussion going.
Yeah, sorry, I did it to poke fun, though it’s the truth. If you ever saw one of the most common rituals, in which they insert a wand into a glass… I’d better stop it here.
And by the way, it is natural for any discussion to change its focus from one topic to another, so I think we can discuss it here.
I know that by now the topic in this forum might have changed, I just needed to say this…
What if Disney had done the LOTR movies? Scary…:eek: I know they did a pretty good job with Pirates of the Carribean, but still!
<center>Walt Disney Pictures</center>
The story would be ultra-mellow so as to attract a lot of children to the cinemas without freaking their parents out. The battles would be softened; there would be no blood, for instance, and you would see fights from an angle in which you can’t see the most violent of it.
Now let’s work on a worst case scenario: if Disney characters were the actors - as they did in The Arch of Noa from Fantasia 2k and many stories where Mickey is the prince and Minnie the princess and so on.
In a crazy and lame attempt to strike poor humor, Donald would be Gimli and Goofy would be Legolas. Mickey, being the most likely to be the hero of the heroes, would be Aragorn. Yes, he wouldn’t be the protagonist. The hobbits would be chosen among their son’s/nephews. Yes, they wouldn’t be a separate race, but just younglings instead. This is a forced way to get all the most famous characters in the key roles. So they would probably be Morty, Max (who is “cooler” than Gilbert), Louie and Melody. Melody? Yes. Disney would mix a female character as a good-intentioned but feeble effort to say “we are not machists”. Gyro Gearloose would be Gandalf, and he would use magic instead of technology.
As for the bad guys: The Beagle Boys would be the EDIT: ORCS (remember the old comics, there were thousands of them). Zeke Wolf would be Smeagol/Gollum. The Phantom blot would be the leader of the Nazrul. Pete would be Sauron, just because he is Mickey’s antithesis. BTW, a fat Sauron would make me cry out loud… Emil Eagle would be Saruman, because he’s one of the antithesises for Gyro, and he would be into magic too.
Other characters that could be noted: Scuttle would be Wormtongue. Uncle Scrooge would be the king who got mind-controlled by Emil Eagl… Er, Saruman. Launchpad McQuack would be his son, but in Disney’s movie, he would not die. Daisy would be that woman who killed Phantom Bl… The Nazrul. In a very twisting and disturbing change in plot, she would stay with Gimli because he’s Donald. Either Rockerduck or Flintheart would be the king in that city which I forgot the name and they defended on the Return of the King. Horace and Clarabelle would be the elven king and queen. Minnie, of course, would be Arwen. Gus Goose could be Bombadill. Mortimer Mouse would be Elrond (for lack of a father, I had to pick Arw… That is, Minnie’s uncle ¬¬)
The cast has been hard enough, but from there you can imagine the twists in the plot and action scenes. For example, in battles, Goo… I mean, Legolas would fire arrows at random directions and miss his targets by miles while trying to get his saddle from below to above the horse… Gimli would be trampled, kicked around and many objects would fall over him and then he would get up and be swearing, jumping up and down and punching the air around him… Eowyn would be using a purse or a mallet instead of blades… So on, just remember how they acted when we were small kids.
Lol, that rocks. Don’t forget Michael Moore. Gimli would be Bush 
And if you seriously consider yourself a warlock, I’d respect the Wiccans if I were you.
Dammit, Ren, that Disney LOTR thing made my morning, I’m still laughing about it!! :hahaha;
And GREAT use of Disney references, you made me flash back to my childhood, I used to read a LOT of Spanish Disney Comics translations. I even got the obscure ones, like Phantom Blot. How ironic that a serious Super Hero fan like me began by reading… Super Goof. :mwahaha:
How about doing the Woody Allen version next? snort!
:mwahaha: That was really funny! I could never come up with all that!
BTW, I don’t hate Disney ( I grew up with it after all ), I just can’t see them doing the LOTR movies.
Again, good job! I laughed so hard!:mwahaha:
I wanna see the Terry Gilliam version of it, that wouldn’t make any sense at all. Well, until the end. Maybe.
A few things I have to say before going for the next one:
Will: I started the same way. However, I didn’t know most characters’ names in English untill yesterday, when I found this site with an international name database.
BTW: I wrote that the beagle boyes would be themselves. I meant they’d be the orcs. Already corrected it.
As for other versions: I’m sorry people, but I don’t know enough about american polictics to make one with Bush in it… All I know is that he would be regent in Minas Tirith. I don’t know Woody Allen well enough to make a version for him too.
I am writting a few anime versions, though. First director on target is Akira Torayiama. Won’t take long 'till I have them done.
<center>Akira Torayiama (and many other anime directors)</center>
For starters, the ring would not make people invisible. It would make them stronger, faster, and if they are able to shoot energy beams or bolts, said things would blast bigger. Sauron can see the one wearing the ring due to this power surge, not due to evil magic. And magic itself is nothing more than Ki being channeled towards something.
That said, Bilbo would ot disappear on his birthday, but rather after receiving the trophee from a Hobbit Do (local martial arts) championship.
Enter Gandalf, a very old master who had been in the shire the last few days. Frodo does not know this secret, but Gandalf is the one who trained Bilbo. He would warn Frodo of the dangers that follow the ring. Frodo refuses and, for no reason at all, tries to punch Gandalf, but the old man parries and sends Frodo flying against a wall. After a long speech about self development, inner stremgth and hidden power, he leaves. Frodo departs the other day with his training companion Sam.
Now, as for the hero trio: Aragorn is a champion of Kenjutsu (that’s what samurai use with their katanas, kendo is a pacified version of it). Legolas is a Kyudo master. Kyudo is a martial art that deals with using the bow. It is very ‘elvish’ in its nature. Gimli would be a wrestler. The three are in a journey to become the most powerful fighting team ever. They only aid Frodo and his team because at first they think that Sauron wants the one Ring to cheat in the World’s Greatest Championship. They learn the truth from Frodo, Sauron actually only wants to take over the world.
They only stop at places for more than a day to learn or to see someone performing special techniques. So, rivendell Frodo would learn the Elvish Water Blast. In that mountain above Moria Saruman would attack them with the Kooriken (that’s ice technique for non japanese understanders). Gandalf would teach them the Dai Kaji Te (great fire hand. He uses his hands, not a staff.), though we know his favorite technique is taioken, which he uses against the liu ryu (fallen beasts that the nazrul ride).
The Nazrul themselves are elite ninjas that are so good just because they train hard everyday in a gym. Their scream goes like “KIAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!”.
Orcs would have no place in Akira’s version, so they would be replaced by dark-clothed evil ninjas, just way lesser than the Nazrul. I think I don’t need to make it more bizarre, but let’s go on. Sauron is a megalomaniac alien. He has never been defeated, and will be shocked when the good guys open the first cut on his cheek (after some humongous effort and a lot of screaming).
One common thing between this version and the real one is that in fights, each hero alone kills a few hundreds of lesser enemies. The big difference is that they shine and let out shouts that can be heard from the other side of the continent while doing so.
Arwen and Eowyn are, respectively, a bunnygirl and a catgirl.
Post Scriptum edits:
Aragorn would be a bishounen. Legolas too, but way much more of a bish than Aragorn.
Originally posted by CalebNova
Any emotional scenes would be ruined by bad lipsync and the tendency for the characters faces to superdeform in outrageous ways.
They would run instead of riding horses. And they would run faster than horses.
You forget that as anime, it could also could possess no real voice talent, and any emotional scenes would be ruined by bad lipsync and the tendency for the characters faces to superdeform in outrageous ways.
Thank you, Caleb. I shouldn’t have forgotten those >_<
Originally posted by Ren
Thank you, Caleb. I shouldn’t have forgotten those >_<
Always happy to help.
Not all anime have bad voice talent.
Cowboy Bebop!