In honor of his recent accomplishments and glorious return to the top, I feel it necessary to introduce you the greatness that is Kurt Angle and reveal that he, in fact, does not suck.
Intensity, Integrity, Intelligence. The Three I’s that define the man that is YOUR Olympic Hero, Kurt Angle. In 1996, Kurt Angle won gold in freestyle wrestling in Atlanta. With a broken freakin’ neck. By 2000, Kurt Angle became the FIRST Eurocontinental Champion (because D’Lo doesn’t count). Since then, he has risen to the pinnacle of his profession, having become a multi-time heavyweight champion, King of the Ring, General Manager, Grand Slam Champion, and El Gran Luchadore. He has even gone to Hell and back.
Oh but Kurt is much more than that. He thinks he’s cute. He’s won Gold Medals. He’s got the moves that make them all tap out. The Angle Slam. The Ankle Lock. Marty Janetty still can’t walk. He’s just a sexy Kurt (sexy Kurt). He’ll make your ankle hurt (ankle hurt). He’s just a sexy Kurt (sexy Kurt). He’ll make your ankle hurt (ankle hurt). That’s right Shawn, eat your heart out. Hands off the merchandise, WOOOO!
Even just this past Tuesday, Kurt Angle defeated THE WORLD’S STRONGEST MAN. What more can you say? He took out Mark Henry, THE WORLD’S STRONGEST MAN (Mariusz Pudzianowski is a pretender). What more need one say to cement the greatness that is Kurt Angle? Only one thing:
Kurt’s a man, and Rey’s a boy. And Kurt’s a man who likes to play with little boys! … No! Wait! Not like that!
But anyway. Some people complain about tearing their quads. Big deal! Kurt Angle tears his quad all the time! He tore his quad this morning. He’s here; he’s jumping around!
Also, even though he suplexed an eighty-two-year-old pregnant woman, he is still a role model for children, not to mention elderly people as well. At the time, he actually thought it was Mark Henry.
