Probably not forever but I’m going to be missing for a while.
My father, 47 years old just died two days ago due to a heart attack. According to the people who saw him on the street, his car broke down in the middle of the street, he tried to push it but he made too much effort and his partially sick heart gave up. He always troubled himself a lot about minor things and along with some of his health problems and the excessive effort (He rarely ever asked for help with anything), he couldn’t handle it. We all feel like hell since I saw him that same morning when he drove me to school. I got the notice when I came back 5 hours later.
I’m okay, as okay as I can be at least. He was alive long enough to teach me everything important about life and he did a good job as a father, husband and son. My mother is in a horrible state of course and I’ll be taking care of her for the next months (A real blast for her since in 17/7/02, her own father died from a heart attack too). The third person to worry about is my grandmother who is already 89 and I really don’t need to explain what an emotional pain like this can cause to someone so old.
I really feel better than I thought I would, probably It hasn’t still dawned one me that he isn’t coming back but I’ll have to be strong for the sake of my family. I’ve always been a quite practical and objective person and for some reason, no matter how sad I feel I can’t cry (No, I don’t hold it, the tears just don’t come out). Thankfully I have several friends and all the family (Even those who live hundreds of miles away) came to lend a hand.
Thinking objectively, my schedule doesn’t really need to change a lot especially since I was pretty independent already. We’ll just have to tighten our belts a little (AKA: I’m going to have to cut some unnecessary expenses like cable TV and Internet). My father wasn’t doing much work anyway so the income isn’t going to change (He was an architect so his job depended on people having money to do stuff. My country is broke, people don’t have money = He didn’t have too much work). I’ll just have to learn how to fix some of the electrical stuff in the house and do a little more cleaning and cooking.
From the emotional point of view I’ll be okay, It’s going to be hell but I’ll be okay. My mother is, thanks to whatever deity you believe in, a very strong woman and even though she feels horrible right now I know that she can get over it with my help. My grandmother is going to be a problem since she is really old but we’ll keep an eye on her.
The thing that scared the most was seeing my grandfather cry. He is one of the most cheerful and positive thinking people I know (They stole his car and he was just said “Oh well. Things will get better”) but in the end I see we’re all humans.
Now I just need to help carry my father’s pigeons and various birds to one of his friends that said would take care of them (My father was nicknamed “Birdman” for how much he loved those birds) and then I’ll just see what life has in store.
Of course I’m not going to isolate myself from anyone, I’m going to stay in school and with my friends, now more than ever, and really I’m leaving just for the money and I’ll get my hands in 2 bucks to go to a cyber café from time to time.
For those why wonder “Who the hell are you?” and “Why should I care?” I have two simple answers: Doesn’t really matter and you shouldn’t since I’m not a staffer, maintainer or anything.
This is Franco Agustino Caruso / Seraphim Ephyon signing off and to finish with a really lame Terminator quote: “I’ll be back”.
My deepest sympathies to you and your family, and good luck.
Good luck, SE, and May God smile down upon you.