This is an actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zante
Computers,
USA, to his boss.
His boss apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
Have fun.
Dear Mr Baker:
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have
an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during
the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of
the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not
only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired
because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently
hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you
vainly attempt to understand the concept of “cut and paste” for the
hundredth
time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as
binary still gives you too many options.
You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to
try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as
effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more
personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day,
shiftlessly looking
for
fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that
may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have
responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their
talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude.
In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that
everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of
the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change
without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to
tender my resignation; however I have a few parting thoughts.
-
When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to
give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is “I
prefer not
to
comment.” I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of
years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it
on your own. -
I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
every
password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get
cute,
I
am going to publish your “favourites list”, which I conveniently saved
when you made me “back up” your useless files. I do believe that terms
like “Lolita” are not usually viewed favourably by the administration. -
When you borrowed the digital camera to “take pictures of your
mothers b-day”, you neglected to mention that you were going to take
pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them
like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never
seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those
have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a
glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please. I
hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on
my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of
your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.
Never mess with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what
you do with
all
that free time!
Sincerely
Darryl Brewer
This guy’s my hero!
