First, take the goat or sheep, whatever it is you’re gonna slaughter. Get a bucket. Slit the throat so the blood flows into the bucket. Put the bucket in an ice bath so the blood coagulates quickly. Fry up the coagulated blood with some seasoning, paprika and shit, with some veggies (carrots and 'taters will work). Work in some of the meat if you wish.
Or you could fry up the blood from the first pig of the season in some scrambled eggs. That’s always good.
A good way to make really tasty Kraft macaroni and cheese is to use 35% cream instead of milk. It works really nicely with the white cheddar Kraft Dinner. Don’t add a whole lot of creme, add incrementally just enough cream to make the cheese “not dry” in your pan before adding the noodles and mixing them after draining them of their water. You want to make sure that the cheese sauce remains thick and not liquidy. A little practice and you’ll make the best tasting cheesey macaroni you’ll ever have tasted.
After the requisite six to eight hours passes, it solidifies into a sort of cake. Mix it up in the morning and have it after dinner. It’s best if you eat it while it’s still warm. 
First, take the goat or sheep, whatever it is you’re gonna slaughter. Get a bucket. Slit the throat so the blood flows into the bucket. Put the bucket in an ice bath so the blood coagulates quickly. Fry up the coagulated blood with some seasoning, paprika and shit, with some veggies (carrots and 'taters will work). Work in some of the meat if you wish.
My mouth just went…
I have nothing to say.
A good way to make really tasty Kraft macaroni and cheese is to use 35% cream instead of milk
That sounds orgasmic.
After the requisite six to eight hours passes, it solidifies into a sort of cake. Mix it up in the morning and have it after dinner. It’s best if you eat it while it’s still warm.
EEE CAKE CRAVINGS
Rice without the rice cooker is really not that hard to make.
You throw a couple of handfuls of rice into a pot. Put your hand on it and fill the water up over your hand. Leave it to boil until the rice and water level are even. Then you lower the heat and put a lid on it. In ten minutes turn it off and leave it alone for a bit. This’ll steam the rice. Tadah! Rice is made.
That’s just for white rice and probably others, but I don’t make those.
You can brown the rice before hand with some oil in the pan then fill it with water. Then add bullion cubes(preferably tomato flavored) to make mexican rice. Then let it boil till the rice and water even out. Then lower the heat, blah blha blah.
I’ll have you know that’s a real meal, Eva. Tons of folk societies in Old Europe do it. >:(
you know what RC, you can leave.
Alright EVA, if that is your real name, RC and Eden both bring up good points. If you cannot cook by now, you are just destined to eat out at KFC each night and scarf down a pint of chunky monkey, while watching T.V. with your six cats.
I don’t eat anything that isn’t partially hydrogenised. You should do the same.
Buy The Joy of Cooking, read it. It’s good.
This is what I was going to suggest too. I usually prefer adding sliced chicken/beef with soy or tamari sauce and wine vinegar. It’s really good. You can replace the rice by couscous and the meat by chick peas or red beans, if you want to try something different.
You could also cook rice in the microwave. I don’t know about yours but mine has a presetting just for rice. Follow the same proportions and Cless or I mentioned before, use a deep dish (like a casserole dish) and keep the lid on. The good thing about this method is if you added too much water you can heat it for another minute or so until it’s gone.
Ok ladies, the cookmaster is here, all you people and your fancy rice cookers and shit. You dont need anything. A heat source will do. You dont want to use the oven? Thats fine, the stove works, it just changes the types of meals you can cook. An oven is an indirect heat, so it cooks meat differently, it tends to leave the meat more hydrated and tender (provided you dont cook them dry) compared to a stove, but takes longer to cook, usually.
Now, to answer your questions:
Rice: The easy way and the not so easy way.
Easy way, take a microwave proof plastic container with a lid and add rice with 1.75 cups of water per cup of water. Cook for 5 minutes on high with the lid, SLIGHTLY off. If you leave the lid on you will understand why Isaid to leave it a little off 
The time can vary by about a minute depending on the power of your microwave, im assuming 600W. If your rice comes out too soggy, use 1.5 cups of water, if it comes out crunchy, use more water. If it comes out congealed and stuck together, you have put it in too long. Dont worry, it will only take a few tries and your rice will be fool-proof.
The hard way involves a stove, a pot and rice. Kairi beat me to it, in that you add rice, and pour water so that there is roughly 50% more water than rce volume. The over the top of your hand trick works well here. Bring the water to boil, and keep it there, this should require a fairly aggresive heat to start with, but once its been brought to a full boil (You can tell by the large white frothy bubbles, as opposed to the smaller non-gfrothing bubbles of a half-simmer) you need to bring the heat right down to about 25%, or a medium-low heat. Just enough to keep it bubbling away, a similar heat to boiling potatoes for a mash. Keep the lid ever so-slightly off the pot and let the hot water do its job. Be careful not to let it boil dry or your rice will weld itself to the pot. Steel wool helps to get it off The ice shouldn’t take too long, probably about 10 mins or so on the boil, depending on how much rice you are cooking. Remember, too much water does your far less harm than too little, since you drain the excess off anyway. The rice should appear semi-spherical and about twice the volume of an uncooked grain.
Enough about Rice, since you will probably use the microwave method anyway.
I can’t really help you with seafood due to geography, Barramundi is an exquisite tasting fish when prepared well, but they dont occour in the waters up near Canada
Dont think of pasta as the dish. It isn’t, its the sauces that are the dish, the pasta just gives it a texture and offsets the often strong tasting sauces. Cooking pasta is like cooking rice, except if you microwave pasta you are going to regret it, it usually gets fubared, so boiling it is the only way to go. See the rice section above for cooking perfect pasta (you have to wait till the pasta is firm, but flexible to test for cookness use a fork. If its easy to stab through, its ready)
For some killer sauces to make the Gods weep, Ask Percival, that man can out-cook ANYONE.
As for me, You will have to settle for simple sauces. Experimentation is the key with making a good sauce. Start with a simple tomato paste base and add what you feel like. If you want a stronger tasting sauce, garlic and basil go together well, especially with a salty meat like bacon. On the other hand, if you want a lighter sauce, a simple cheese sauce with chicken (marinade the chicken with red wine if you like it that way) makes a simple to make meal that tastes good AND stores well for later. If you want the exact number for these recepies, bug me and I will post them.
Pasta choices? As I said earlier, they really dont matter much, unless you prefer eating spirals to clamshells 
Frying fish is an art that no Australian would be without, when it comes to the art of the BBQ, we are unmatched! HA! Take that America!
Depending on the size of your fish fillet will dictate your style of cooking. Cooking any type of fish requires a reasonably high temperature, so oil of some sort is a must. I prefer olive oil, but you can use a vegatable oil or even a peanut oil! Butter is probably the king of all oils, but its not good for you >.>
Butter leaves a richer tasteing crispier outside on the fried fish, which is why I cook with butter when I want a killer meal, but I digress. I’m assuming you are using vegtable oil, but its not too much difference either way.
With a thin fillet, the objective is to crispify the outside of the fillet without overcooking the fish (it tends to fall apart!). As such, a high heat (about 80% heat) is used. Be careful if you are using butter at this heat, it has a tendancy to burn and ruin your meal. Just cook awaya and flip the fillet over every few mins. Its better to flip too often than not enough, you should be able to see the fish flesyh go a glorious white as it cooks, once that gets about 2/6’s of the way through the fillet, it is a good time to flip it over.
With a thicker fillet, its more of a challenge of not burning the outside while cooking the inside! A 60-70% heat is used here, turning the fish at much longer intervals. This allows the heat to seep through the fillet, remember, flesh is not a good conducter of heat, high heats just burn the meat, they dont cook it faster. You can tell the fish is done if you cant see any non-white flesh when you split it with a fork.
If you want some recepies of the stuff I normally cook, bug me and I will post them, I have written too much atm.
Ask me about my Shalcarian Sticky Date Pudding!
How the hell do you cook rice? steam it.
What are some different ways I can try making pasta? Homemake the pasta… it’s better than anything you can make with the dried stuff
What are some other healthier food choices I could try out? stir fry without oil d^.^b
Do you have any easy meal ideas that doesn’t require a lot of time and effort? um, mac and cheese? haha
Offer some sort of alternative to cooking something that I could try. baking? grilling? going out?
>.>
For seafood, I sometimes buy a package of calimari rings, and fry them up.
A crock pot is probably a good idea. Most recipies involve throwing al the stuff in the crock pot and waiting several hours. There are a bunch of recipie sites on the internet as well. You might want to try some of them.
Joy of Cooking, ha! “Cook till done”. If I knew what “done” was I wouldn’t need a cookbook.
Anyway, we’ve got a neat recipe my family picked up recently: antipasto-stuffed chicken.
You’ll need chicken breast, Italian/Genoa salami, sliced mozzerella cheese, pepperoncini (they’re a type of hot pepper), and a couple toothpicks.
You’ll want the chicken breast nice and flat. Pound it with a meat tenderizer if you have one. When you’re done that, put a few slices of salami and mozzerella (not too thick) on top of the chicken. Lay a pepperoncini or two shortways across the chicken, then roll the chicken up with the salami, cheese, and pepper inside. Use a toothpick to make the keep chicken hold shape.
Cook the chicken in a frying pan on the stove, making sure to rotate the chicken every few minutes so it is even cooked. 10-15 minutes should do it.
If you like, you can also fry some bell peppers and onions to go along with the chicken.
It’s a quick meal to make, and tasty. We usually have it with a pasta side dish. I prefer getting the thicker chicken breast and slicing the in half. That gets the pieces to the right thickness, and the chicken tends to be sturdier pieces than the thin cuts you buy at the store.
The very fact that you just implied frying fish is the same as barbecuing shows you truly don’t know what barbecuing is. It certainly ain’t frying or anything that can be done in under four hours. :x
This thread made me laugh. I’ve known a lot of girls like this, and I think its kinda cute. One suggestion, don’t be afraid to mess something up. Try new stuff, experiment. If it doesn’t taste good, no one is going to force you to eat it. And if you don’t know whether something is done, like a piece of meat, chicken or fish, cut it open and see what color it is on the inside. That is an easy guide.
I’m a decent cook. I love to grill. I do some fancy stuff with my Webber, but it sounds like you don’t have access to an outdoor grill.
My specialty though, is breakfast. I have made it a point to master the breakfast foods, party for my own sake, but also to impress any girl that happens to still be in my apartment for breakfast. But anyway, here is an easy way to make an omlette:
You will need:
Frying pan (teflon coated if possible)
Spatula (plastic, so not to damage the teflon)
Eggs
Milk
Butter
Other ingredients (cheese, ham, veggies)
Start by mixing however many eggs you want to use in a bowl. Add a little milk and mix that in. I usually eye it, but it should probably be 2 tsps of milk per egg. But it depends how big the eggs are too. Basically, you want to lighten up the eggs a bit, without making the mix too thin.
Put the pan on the stove over a low/medium heat. You don’t want to burn it. Coat the bottom of the pan with butter. This will also tell you if the heat is too high. If the butter burns, its too hot. It should just melt.
Now pour your egg and milk mix into the pan. Let it cook for a couple minutes. This is when I add whatever other ingredients. Break up pieces of cheese over the cooking omlette. Or add chopped ham, onions, peppers, tomatoes, potatoes, chives, whatever.
By now, the omlette should be solidifying and bubbling a bit. Take the spatula and lift one side of the omlette. If it still seems watery, let it cook more. But it should be ready to flip. Take half of the omlette and fold it over the other half. Don’t worry if some stuff seeps out the sides. Slide the now half-circle shaped omletter to the center of the pan and let it cook a little more. Flip it once and you’re done. Remember, the more eggs you use, the harder it will be to fold and flip. Start small.