How software developers slay dragons.

There was a single entry for .NET. I modified it and added the most important .NET languages. The rest is just as I received them in a email.

Java - Arrives, finds the dragon, develops a n-tier framework for dragon slaying, writes many articles about the framework but never slays the dragon.

.NET (saying this is very hard to me) - They all try to copy the idea of the javanese, but when trying to implement it, they fail and sometimes are devoured by the beast. See more in their specific entries.

J# - makes a functionals sword, but when he tries to run it in Java’s virtual machine, he finds out it’s running on the wrong framework. The sword program is never opened. In despair, his eyes meet the dragon’s eyes and he’s devoured by the beast.

C - arrives, stares at the dragon with an air of superiority, pulls a pocket knife, beheads the dragon, finds the princess, but ignores her and goes checking the the last checkins in the CVS of Linux’s kernel.

C++ - creates a base pocket knife and gathers functionalities untill he has a sword so complex that only he can understand… Slays the dragon but crashes on the middle of the bridge due to memory leaks.

C++ in .NET - The programmer installs the .NET framework, but never does anything else important. He copies his code from Bloodshed Dev C++ 5.0 and pastes it into Visual Studio 2005 without a single modification. Now, instead of getting memory leaks, he can’t even compile his code, so he just stays at home, watching all the other programmers making the way to the dragon, with a degree of envy in his gaze.

C# (that’s me) - creats a super-hyper-mega-ultra weapon of mass dragon slaying with only 10 lines of code, but doesn’t have the slightest idea of how the weapon works and misfires during the first test, killing himself.

COBOL (before .NET)- arrives. Looks at the dragon thinking he’s so old he can’t beat a creature that big and just gets the princess out of the castle and goes away with her.

COBOL.NET - thinks he’s fresh and young and strong after drinking some water from the fountain of youth, but fails to adapt to OO concepts. In his confusion, he’s devoured by the beast.

Pascal - takes 10 years preparing for the creation of a dragon annihilation system… When he arrives there he finds out that his program only accepts monitor lizards as inputs.

VB (before .NET) - builds a dragon slaying weapon out of many components, takes on the dragon in a fight but, after making his first move, finds out that his sword only works during rainy nights.

VB.NET or VB 2005 - Runs a code updating wizard on the above programmer’s code. Corrects all the errors. Makes a superb weapon that works independent of the weather or hour. Gathers the components from the C# programmer and makes the ultimate weapon. And then he discovers that his weapon only works in his territory and he can’t port it to the castle where the dragon and the princess are.

PL/SQL - collects data from other dragon slayers, creates tables with N relationships of ternary complexity, data in three dimensions, OLAP, takes 15 years to process all the information. Meanwhile the princess has become a lesbian.

Ruby - arrives with a god damm good fame, saying that he is the best all round. When he meets the dragon, displays a video showing himself slaying a dragon. The dragon feels tedious and eats the programmer.

Smalltalk - arrives, analyses the dragon and the princess, then turns his back to them and walks away, for they are too inferior to him.

Shell - creates a verty powerful dragon slaying weapon, but in the most important hour of the fight, he can’t remember how to use it.

shell(2) - he arrives with a 2 lines script that kills, slashes, disembowels, chops and impales dragons. But when he runs it, the script actually enlarges and enrages the dragon, besides adding alcohol to its flames.

ASSEMBLY - this alien/demon/sith thinks he’s doing the most correct, clean thing, but mistakes A’s for D’s and vice-versa. Ends up slaying the princess and fornicating with the dragon.

Fortran - develops a solution with 45000 lines of code, slays the dragon and marches towards the princess… But she calls him “old geezer” and runs, seeking the Java guy, who was charming and rich.

FOX PRO - develops a dragon slaying system that is shiny and beautiful on the outside, but a patchworld in the inside. When he executes it he notices how he forgot to index the DBF and is devoured by the dragon.

PROCESS ANALYST - arrives with two metric tons of documentation on how to kill a generic dragon, develops a super complex flowchart to liberate the princess and marry her, convinces the dragon that all this is going to be good for it and painless. When executing the process he ponders the effort and amount of damage, the signatures of George W. Bush, the pope and the EU president for the plan, then buys two nuclear bombs, forty-five cannons, an aircraft carrier ship, hires three hundred men who are armed to their teeth, when he actually only needed the sword that was on his hand all the time.

CLIPPER - makes a routine that loads an array of codeblocks to insult the dragon, put the moves on the princess, load the sword to the memory, slay the dragon, spill condensate milk with strawberries on the naked body of the princess, having sex with the princess, taking a shower, turning on the car, filling the tank and going home. When he runs it, gets a message saying “Bound Error: Array Access”, and is devoured by the dragon.

I’m such a nerd. I actually laughed at this one. <.<


This must be one of the geekiest things I’ve ever seen. Good riddance.

There’s no Perl you ASS

Sorry, I never studied Perl, nor did the author of the original thing, but you may add your entry if you like.

Wait… Isn’t that PL before SQL for perl?

Oh, and Walhalla: NERD!

There’s no Lisp either. My theory is that Perl and Lisp would be excellent languages for dragon slaying and thus there’s no jokes to be made about them. In fact most negative comments about them refer to their syntax. And that doesn’t stop people from doing very good things with them.

Anyone who knows enough to laugh at these jokes is pathetic.

And yet everyone here so far knows exactly that, Cid.

Cid: Not so. I know almost NOTHING about computer programs, and I laughed out loud! :mwahaha:

And why are you guys mocking Wal? Considering how most of you are MALE nerds, I’d thought you would’ve asked her to MARRY you! :stuck_out_tongue:

Ren: Funniest thing I’ve seen all morning. Thank you. :hahaha;

lol female

I didn’t laugh out loud, but I guess the main issue here is that I’m half-asleep and half-waking-up.

Shut greater nerd! We will not tolerate nerd speaking!

On a serious note, I’ve just been on a stupid little kick of calling everybody a nerd when doing the slightest nerdy thing and when Walhalla called herself a nerd, it was too perfect. Everybody else just mimiced me because I’m so cool and studly. :get it?:

I know enough and I didn’t laugh, so there.

Hah, Cid, always so blunt, in a polite way. :stuck_out_tongue:

And who cares if some internet nerds call me a nerd? :stuck_out_tongue: I had to learn Fortran in my first and only programming course at university after all.

You guys are such nerds. I didn’t understand any of those jokes other than the words “dragon” “princess” and “nuclear bombs”. You people should be ashamed of yourselves!

But you’re so young, why did they force you into learning something so ancient?

I suppose that was because my teacher was an old fogey disconnected with the actual needs of the companies/employers in this field (even though I could name one huge company here that sill uses Fortran). I think it gave us easy bonus points in exams too. But as should be expected, I remember nothing more than that about this course. :stuck_out_tongue:

They were all one of three things:

“Old Geezer”
Ultra-mega-powerful code in only 2 lines, but can’t figure out how to use
Very complicated code in thousands of lines that benefits the dragon.

chucked at the first couple, then I was like “This is all the same shit”, and posted this.

what is a computar