Hanukkah: Five Misconceptions

For anyone who’s thinking of wishing their Jewish friends a Happy Hanukkah in the coming weeks, please keep the following in mind:

  1. It’s pronounced “Chanukah”, with a hard H, like Bach. Think of hocking a loogie but shorten it.

  2. Hanukkah is, in fact, our LEAST important fully recognized holiday. (Besides anything else, it takes the least amount of work to prepare for, and is the most recent addition to the calendar.) If you’re that dead set on wishing us happy holidays, why don’t you do it on the ones that matter more to us, like Passover or Sukkot?

  3. Unlike (it seems) Christians, we do not begin celebrating Hanukkah a month early. We have enough holidays that doing so would mean we’d be celebrating holidays the entire year round. Also, Hanukkah does not depend directly on the solar calendar. It does not fall out the same time every year (although it is always somewhere in the months of November/December/January). Before wishing us a happy Hanukkah, make sure it actually IS Hanukkah or risk sounding very silly.

  4. There is no tradition of giving gifts on Hanukkah. It only got started when Jewish kids got jealous of their Christian neighbors and complained too much.

  5. Jews don’t care if you wish the general population, including us, a Merry Christmas. But if you see someone in person who’s wearing a kippah, don’t be an idiot and still wish us a Merry Christmas. I wouldn’t wish anyone wearing a cross or a turban a Happy Passover.

Most non-observant Jews out there are just as clueless as non-Jews, so this list is for them as much as for anyone else. Hope I don’t sound too Grinchy. 8p

  1. What’s Sukkot
  2. What’s a kippah
  3. If Ghandi was so smart, then how come he’s dead

The little hat they wear on the back of their heads. BTW I always wondered, how does that thing stay in place?

With a hairpin.

I was out to dinner recently with some friends, one who happens to be Jewish, my friend’s girlfriend asked him durring the dinner if he was into that whole “chaukkah” thing, pronoucing it with the “ch”. This is another thing not to do.

  1. Another holiday you evidently don’t know about because it isn’t during the winter. 8p
  2. Like Ren said. Either people use clips or bobby pins to keep them on, or they’re just big enough to clamp onto your head. :sunglasses: When it’s windy in a Jewish neighborhood you will see a lot of people going around with their hand firmly on top of their head.

Yeah, I remember when you commented about the kippah thing happening to you last Christmas (or the one before or whatever). :stuck_out_tongue:

Sorry about taking over three months of the year, with Christmas.

I only know one Jew personally, but he has endless amounts of hair, and he wearing a kippah looked funny :open_mouth:

I wish everyone Merry Christmas. I really don’t care if someone wants to wish me a happy anything else in return. shrug

Ohh very helpful Cid, thank you!

Merry Christmas!!!

I can rant about Chistmas for a Christian POV. In resent years, Christmas, I’ve notice is getting more and more comertalised. I found it mostly Santa… Nothing about Jesus Christ, whom the Holidays are named after. Sometimes it make you take the lords name in vain…

Ok Funny bit: Puts on: Glasses, Cigar and bushy Mustashe Please tell there is a Sanity Clause in the RPGC Contracts?

There is no Santa Claus…

Sorry Cid, I had to get that joke in some ware. It’s from Marx Bros: A Night at the Opera.


Thanks, it was good to learn something today. :smiley:

edit - Post a sound file so we know how Hanukkah’s supposed to sound?

Honkia is that joo holiday, aint it? Do they have a christmas tree? Do they have Santa? NO… GOD.

I’m fairly certain I knew all of those.

I was about to post more, but decided otherwise in consideration out of not derailing the thread.

How about getting eight gifts for each day of Chanukah Festival?
Suddenly, I want to play dreidel :wink:

…wasnt Cless jewish?

Klez is very asian.

There can be Asian Jews.