FUCK YOU SEGA!!!

I’ve just recovered from a two hour shock of incomprehenceibilty, and I have to ask…

Who’s bright idea was it to give Sonic a motherfucking sword?

Thats right! You heard me.

And before you go thinking this has anything to with that upcomming Bioware game. Guess again. No this is an entirely different game for the Wii made by the team that brought us that Secret Rings game awhile back.

Confounded enough yet? No? Then here’s some food for thought. In this game Sonic ends up on an excellent adventure to the time of Camalot to aid a female version of Merlin in saving the land from an evil King Arthur.

So what are you waiting for? Discuss.

Sorry, I can’t present a link to the madness, but I’m unable to provide any sort of link until I get back on a computer again (I’ll be at least Wensday before that happens and is more than slightly annoying). So instead I’m siteing the latest issue of NP as my source.

Wow. That is such a ridiculous and out-there idea that I would actually like it if I thought the game developers could pull it off. I have a bad feeling this will be like Shadow the Hedgehog.

It’s supposed to be a sort of sequel to Sonic and the Secret Rings, in that it’s another ‘storybook’ adventure. Not that this is any sort of consolation…

I’ve never been a big fan of the series, but what is it about Sonic that makes it so hard to get ‘right’, anyway?

WTF SEGA?! SWORDS AREN’T EXTREME ENOUGH!

YOU NEED LAZERS! FOR THAT KIND OF MARKETING! PEOPLE LIKE LAZER SHIT!

But seriously. I would hate to like the old Sonic games AND work for marketing under Sega. It’s like killing Old Yeller when he’s still a wee pup.

Who the fuck seriously expects a 3D Sonic game to be any good, they’ve always sucked, from the very first game. I usually scoff at people who think that a series is ‘only good in 2d’ or ‘only good in 3d’, but the proof is in the pudding; 2D sonic games are still excellent, while the 3D ones only get worse and worse.

The treatment of Sonic is making me feel embarrassed and I never supported that arrogant, fast-running, shoe-wearing hedgehog.

I still laugh when I see the sales figures of 16-bit Sonic over XBLA compared to the dire 2006 game they released. I loved Sonic with a rare passion on the Mega Drive, I’m convinced it’s just Sega’s out and out incompetence that’s done Sonic in. Proof? Try Sonic Genesis on the GBA.

Note I said ‘try’. For the love of god, don’t buy it.

SWORD LAZERS THAT ARE ALSO SWORDS!!!

Last good game with sonic in the title in some form was Mario & Sonic at the Olympic games, IMO. Let sleeping hedgehogs lie, unless they’re actually going to make an old-school sidescroller.

I’ve been toying, on-and-off, with the idea of making a Sonic game for some 3D engine or other, and trying to recapture the feel of the 2D games and going off in my own direction. However, I know this kind of thing is obviously beyond me, so never mind.