Check out this bitchin essay I wrote

In the 40’s, there was a lot of prejudice. Now it’s the new millennium and people could care less about being mean to other minorities! Today we have advertisements! Ads that are like “If you don’t buy this thing I’m trying to sell, your life will be MEANINGLESS and STUPID. WHY DON’T YOU JUST STOP LIVING AND SAVE THE REST OF THE INTELLIGENT POPULATION SOME OXYGEN.”

Just like little Jimmy, begging for the latest piece of crap that comes out, “But I have to have these new Pokemon cards! Everybody else has them and if I don’t have at least one god damn Pokemon card, I’LL JUST DIE after I take my Ritalin pills!” That’s nice Jimmy.

Or ads like… “Going through a rough marriage? It’s because you’re not buying the right dishwashing detergent, YOU SELFISH PIECE OF SLIME HOW COULD YOU.” We don’t feel bad at all these days. That, person, is where my story begins…

Somewhere on the outside of the courtroom, Mr. Leader (Judge Wapner) informs Agent 00ð (Officer Bob) on the stolen Shroud of PooPei’s case…

Mr. Leader: “The Shroud of PooPei was stolen from the Wanksonian Museum of Natural History in Bologna last night by an unknown…person.”
Agent 00ð: “Yes, continue to inform me about this Shroud of Puppies.”
Mr. Leader: “Shroud of PooPei, Agent 3.14152653589…Err…Agent ð! The story goes that it is the first diaper soiled by the Baby Jesus on Earth.” This…is where the story begins.

As Doctor Billy Mays works carefully on the patient with Nurse Dixie, “Nurse, hand me the Oxyclean.” “But sir, why do you need Oxyclean?” “What else will get this blood stain out of the sheets? Only Oxyclean uses special Oxygen action to…” Nurse Dixie smoothly interrupts him, “Shut the hell up.” Billy Mays clears his throat and begins to speak once again, “So, have you heard about the Shroud of PooPei being stolen?” “No, do they know who it is?” “Who cares, alls I know is that my fast and quick Orange Clean can easily get the toughest of stains out with mere…” Nurse Dixie picks up the scalpel, “SHUT UP WITH THE CLEANING PRODUCTS ALREADY, THEY DON’T WORK!”

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Harvey J. Birdman, Attorney At Law sits in his Laz-E-Boy sofa, contemplating over what to watch. “It’s about noon, the Price is Right is coming on, woo hoo!” As he flicks on the T.V., Bob Barker walks onstage in his usual cheery mood. “This is what the contestants will be bidding on next!” An older lady walks over pushing a cart with an item labeled ‘ONE DOLLAR RICE’. She waves her flabby arm over the ‘ONE DOLLAR RICE’ box. “So, what’re you going to bid on it Lucy?” said Bob. “Seventy-five cents Bob!” “O…Kay. Mr. Military Man, what’ll your bid be on this ‘ONE DOLLAR RICE’ box?” Bob seemed to be aggravated at Lucy’s answer. “Well Bob, I’d have to go with Forty-five cents, sir!” Bob stared down the stage at them, just doubting their sheer stupidity. “A ‘ONE DOLLAR RICE’ BOX, THAT’S ADVERTISED AS ONE DOLLAR…WHAT’S YOUR BID ON THIS ‘ONE DOLLAR RICE’ BOX BETTY…” Bob seemed enraged now. “Well Bob…” said Betty, “I think I’ll have to go with…one dollar!” Bob’s face lit up with joy at her answer. “Well then…” said Bob, only to be interrupted by Betty, “…and thirty-five cents.”

Interesting…will it have an ending?

AV will give me it when he’s done writing it.

This text is too long >_< Reduce it to two lines and I’ll read it.

Bitchin

Dood. Can I call you daddy?

You should do it anyway.

I like it. I like most things that attack mass consumerism/brainwashing.

Between 1 and 10, I give this thing an “It rocks!” evaluation.

Yeah… Pretty good so far?