Check it out....

Another poem, this one however, is not from the point of view of a FF character, but still check it out, and tell me what you think…


We’re flying,
The wings of light,
The wings of darkness,

Grace and beauty,
Love and strength,
They fill the sky,
With their radiance.

They’ve brought out,
The best,
And the worst,
In me,
But I wouldn’t,
Have it any,
Other way.

Light and darkness,
In perfect balance,
Wings of Valmar,
Wings of Granas,
And the power,
Of both gods.

The three of us,
Our power united,
Our hearts as one,
We’re truly flying.

–Ryudo (Grandia 2)

So what do ya think?

You don’t need punctuation at the end of every line. It can interrupt the flow too much sometimes. This might be better for example:

They’ve brought out
The best
And the worst
In me,
But I wouldn’t
Have it any
Other way.

It’s not so stilted, whereas the original felt a little jerky.

Good point, I’ll try not to do that anymore.