Azumanga Daioh Meets Kingdom Hearts

Yeah, some of you MIGHT remember this from a really long time ago. I sorta dicontinued it because I was being lazy. Well, I’m restarting it now, which is good, because after rereading some of it, it was sucky. -_- Hopefully my writing skills have improved. So, here’s the first chapter of my Azumanga Daioh/Kingdom Hearts crossover.

Kiro: Hello, and welcome to the all-new and revamped Azumanga Daioh!

Sora: How is it all-new? You’re just taking the old thing, and fixing some stuff.

Kiro: No! It’s new! Besides, the old one was never finished!

Riku: Just start the stupid thing! KH2 already came out! AND, you’ve almost beaten it!

Kiro: Enough, enough! Here’s the story.

Azumanga Daioh Meets Kingdom Hearts

Chapter 1: Pretty Swirly Portal Thingy

            “Excuse me, Tomo!” Chiyo-chan called, running up to her friend’s desk.

“Busy right now! I’ve got candy to eat! I’m trying to break the world record for most blood-sugar!” She said, holding up a bag of candy, and a small black meter. Chiyo-chan looked at it for a minute, “Err, Tomo? What is that?” Tomo laughed and shook it around, “Well, it’s a blood sugar measuring thing! I got it off the black market, man, that place is so cool! The guy said it’d either measure my blood sugar, or explode, but what would one little explosion do against me, the mighty Tomo?”

Chiyo-Chan sighed, ‘Someday, Tomo is gonna hurt herself real badly….’ She thought, then looked at Tomo again,“I was wondering, since its almost summer vacation again, do you want to come to my beach house again? I’m inviting everyone.”

Tomo replied simply, and scarily, “WHY IN THE HECK- wouldn’t I?” Probably because she was having one of those random hyper outbursts that she has in the show, and because I need a bad excuse to try to be funny.

“Oh, great,” Said Chiyo, “but will your parents let you?”

Tomo thought for a minute, then her eyes lit up, “Parents? Oooooooh, you mean those things I keep in the back closet that feed on helpless young lettuce? I don’t thing they’ll care.” She said. Chiyo laughed nervously and quickly made her way across the room. Tomo just smiled and yelled, “I’ll see you soon!”

Chiyo walked towards Osaka, who was sleeping peacefully, and tapped her on the back… She slowly turned around to see Chiyo-chan smiling at her as best she could.

“Oh, hi Chiyo-chan.” Osaka mumbled, still not fully awake.

“Hi Osaka, I was wondering if you wanted to go to my beach house?”

“Alriiiight, hemruiihi…” Osaka continued babbling nonsense until she fell asleep and Chiyo-chan walked away.

Chiyo continued doing this for the rest of the day. Finally, she had invited Yomi, Kagura, Sakaki, Osaka, Tomo, and of course, Ms. Yukari and Ms. Nyamo were coming too. Finally, she got to Kaorin.

“Hello Kaorin, I know you usually have camp, but we’re all going to my summer home again, and I was hoping you could come!” Chiyo said.

Kaorin looked at her excitedly, “I can go this time! I don’t have camp!”. Chiyo smiled, “Great! See you soon!” And walked away.

A few days later, they were all packed and ready for the trip.
Yukari pulled out car keys and yelled, “Who wants to drive with me?”. Everyone shrank back in horror. However, Nyamo grabbed the keys away and smiled.

“Sorry, but you aren’t driving at all this time, I got us a van to use.” Everyone cheered and climbed into the van. Yukari slunk in after them.

Finally, after a few hours driving, they reached the house. Everyone piled out of the van and carried their bags inside. They separated from there, Kaorin falling Sakaki and swooning whenever she talked, Yomi and Kagura going to set up there sleeping things, and everyone else heading to the beach.

The beach group came back a few hours later, to find Yomi and Kagura yelling at each other over something. After they got calmed down, they all went to sleep…

Hours later, in the middle of the night, Father made his way slowly out of Sakaki’s Ear. When he was finally out he jumped and looked at the sleeping girls with disapproval.

“This is getting so dull! What are they thinking! I’ll have to do something…”

He turned around and thought about it for a minute, before clapping his paws together, “I’ve got just the thing!” Father exclaimed. He waved his arms in the air and a pinpoint of light appeared, then began to grow larger.

“There, this is going to be fun!” He disappeared in a puff of smoke just as some of the girls began to stir. Kagura was the first to get up.

“What the hell is that?!” She yelled, pointing at the light, which had now turned into a sort of hole in the air. Yomi grabbed her glasses and stared at it in confusion.

“Well, it looks like a pretty swirly portal….thingy” She said.

Nyamo stopped gaping and said, “But, why’s it-”

That was all she had time to say, before there was a blinding flash, and they were all gone.


Constructive critism please, no, “Oh, that was teh suck.”. (Although, I hope it wasn’t so bad that people would really want to say that. Link:

Oh, it’s fanfiction. I thought it’d be another cool picture like the Azumanga Fantasy VII…

Fan Fic is teh suck.

Was that a joke, or are you serious? T_T

Pay him no attention, Kiro, he’s just picking on your own comment. Really, why do people post in a fiction thread to tell they don’t like fanfiction? That’s like complaining about getting a free gift. Ignore it if you don’t like it, don’t go around bothering other people. Meanie. :scream:

Anyway: The story seems to be going OK, but it’s too soon to tell. Also, I know next to nothing about Azumanga Daio, so I can’t really judge it. However, I did like the introduction, it was funny.

You’re ALREADY nearly done with Kingdom Hearts II? I just bought the guide, and darn, but it looks intimidating. The last one took me forever to finish, and this one looks twice as complicated! Who am I kidding, I’m gonna buy it and play it anyway. But probably not until summer, I have almost no free time now.

Good luck with the story! :cool:

I’d say that you skip waay to much events.
Things like: “After they got calmed down, they all went to sleep…”
What were they yelling about? How did they calm down? Did they get tired of yelling? Did someone butt in?
Other than that it is very nice. I really like the “either measure my blood sugar, or explode” part. ^^

But the speed of it all feels sort of like you ran Azumanga Daioh through some sort of weird speed inversion device. :stuck_out_tongue:
(Everyone I know always say that Azumanga is waay to slow and use the scene where they throw (and always get hit in the head by) a ball back and forth for a minute ot so as an example.
I found it quite slow too, but this isn’t an Azumanga thread, so I’ll just shut up now. :P)

Thanks Wil! ^^

Yeah, I’m leveling up right now to go to the last level.

Yeah, I know it was sorta fast. Sorry. -_- I wanted to get through at least most of the intro in one chapter.

Thanks though. :slight_smile:

Well, you could still get most of the intro in one chapter. Just make it a longer chapter. :wink:

Yeah. XD I guess I’m just lazy.

Fanfiction generally do suck for this very reason.

Sorry, I’ll try to add more.

Next Chapter:

(Sorry, I’ve gotta go to bed now)

No joke.

F*** off. I honestly thought it would be a Azumanga Daioh send-up pic of KH. I didnt know it was a Fanfic. “Media Forum” doesnt necessarily suggest written media, as there are all kinds. And the thread title certainly didnt suggest it.

Nobody said that the media forum should be only written media, but it is equally wrong to complain about this because it IS written.
Like Wil said, if you don’t like it, don’t read it and don’t post in this thread.
When people post fanfiction or art or poems or whatever here they want comstructive criticism, not someone saying that their choice of media is wrong.

You’re the one who made the mistake; you thought it was a picture. And then you complain about it because you were wrong.
It would have been a lot better if you just left the thread alone after you found out that it was fanfiction and not a picture.

And Kiro, even if you are lazy (I know I am too) it is easy to just make the chapter longer.You can even take what you have written so far and just rewrite parts of that to add more events.
I tend to do that a lot when I write. First I write the basics (sortof like this) then when I rewrite it on the computer (I always start by writing things in my notebook) I see things that could be improved or changed, and then I usually show others what I have written, which means I have to think about it again after I get the feedback. So I write and rewrite my stories at least three or four times to add or change things all the time. :slight_smile:
(But I’m not saying that this is what you should do, it’s just what I do. Just as an example.)

And the second chapter not only could, but should be longer. I know some writer even write chapters that are just two or three lines long, but to me that just seems really stupid. Sort of like they want the book to seem longer by making lots of pages half empty.

Okay, thanks for the advice. I’ll use it for the third chapter. :slight_smile:

It’s not really the length I’m worried about; it’s the quality. The effort that you put into a story really shows, so there’s no expecting people to like it if you don’t try very hard. It <i>is</i> rather easy to tell, kinda like not practicing your piano lessons and then expecting to still give a good performance :slight_smile:

The problem with quality in fanfiction is that, when you put something up in the Net, there’s the chance of hundreds, thousands, maybe even millions of people reading your stuff. And the more people read it, the greater the chance that someone will hate it, regardless of its quality (the reverse is also true; lots of crappy stuff gets posted online, but if only people who like it tell the author their feelings, he or she will think it is written well.) The only person a fanfic must please is its author, who is the person going thru the trouble of writting it.

(This is of course, NOT the case with professional fiction; if you’re expecting to be paid for your work, you’d better deliver what your employers ask from you. Which might very well be crappy stories, actually.)

Of course, many fanfic writers post stories because they want others to enjoy them as well. That’s certainly OK. But again, since you can never be sure of the reaction of your audience, the only thing you can try to do is write a story that makes sense and communicates its intentions clearly. Something YOU can be proud of. Then, drop it online and wait for the reaction, and never let the results either scare you off, nor get to your head. Just write what you enjoy however you enjoy it.

That is true, but only up until a certain point. I don’t think anyone in their right mind will go for 0% dislike for their work; rather, the more effort you put into a story, the more likely it is that a <i>great percentage</i> of the people who read your work will be impressed by it. Enjoy the process of writing, certainly, but I’m saying don’t expect amazing results without a lot of effort.

Actually, all you have to do is put out something that happens to strike the fancy of the majority of people at just the right time, and, again, regardless of the quality of your work, your stuff will be a hit. Look at movies: does every movie that earns the most at the box office happen to be the best written one that year? Hardly ever.

I’m not saying, however, that quality cannot be measured: the process of writing has been developed across centuries, and there are centainly rules to follow and elements to use, that some writers use better than others. You can certainly say, for example, that Shakespeare’s works are better written than most modern novels. But whether a reader likes one over the other usually depends on his or her tastes, rather than how well it is written.

Getting back to fanfics: if the author cares about developing his writing skills, then he should. In fact, as you mention, a well-written story is usually more enjoyable than a poorly written one, in the sense that it is easier to understand, and might attract more readers. But the author should always keep in mind that readers online often do not comment after reading, or post only to point out things they disagree on (it’s human nature.) Praise and positive criticism are less common. Which is why I remind every fanfic writer I meet to focus on enjoying his or her work first, and work on its quality second.

Of course, if the author wants to be a pro some day, then he should take the chance to develop his skills; writing fanfiction is a great way to practice! :wink:


I have to say I actually preferred the original story.

More…hyper. <<