Aviana(The beginnings of an Origin story I guess)

Well, I’ve been wanting to start writing something, so I decided to start with one I’ve been planning for a while. Here’s the prologue:

Prologue
Humans, they finally made it into space. If they only knew the travesty that would befall their children, perhaps they would have done something else.
Mankind had evolved while living in space. Something within their genes, no, their soul was born. A power, a great power, that they could not control or bring out. No one knew exactly what the power was; they only knew that it was profitable.
The strange ability they had developed could be used to control and be a ships brain. Humans became the hunted and quickly their numbers dwindled. Within a short time, they were impossible to find; many having gone into hiding. Creatures were bred to hunt them down, known as headhunters.
Half breeds appeared everywhere, fooling the headhunters. Half-breeds seemed to lose the gene needed to supply the capability. It seemed mankind was doomed, until the last generation was born.
Three children, half breeds, were finally born with a dominant gene, but more than that; oh much more. They could control their power outside of a machine; at long last everyone could see what their ability could truly do.

                                           ***

“Goodbye, little one. Take this and be strong, you will be safe as long as you carry this,” a man whispered to a small girl as he handed her a beautiful white pearl, no larger than a marble.
The little girl’s eyes swelled with tears, but she held them back for her dad. She clung to the tiny jewel with all her might.
“I’m sorry, but you will be safer without me. Those things won’t come after you, you’re a nymph like your mother.” She looked up at her dad with her deep blue eyes. He quickly cast his eyes away from her gaze. He pushed her towards the doors of a poor orphanage. She walked up to porch and turned around, her father was already gone.
“Goodbye,” she whispered and she crouched on the floor to cry.

Nice, ominous start.

Not bad… intriguing ideas, cool intro scene. Of course, this isn’t a story yet, just some background and a fraction of the first story. But it shows off your skills. Add more details to each chapter.

Comments:

  1. As I told VideoSpirit, splitting each topic into its own paragraph makes the narrative sound less cramped.
  2. You said creatures were bred to hunt them down. By whom? Rival alien empires?
  3. What do you mean by half-breeds? Human/alien crossbreeds?
  4. Is the the origin of the character you had me use in my Xmas story?

You have nice ideas. Please continue to develop them.:cool: