Due to a long series of events (all of which involve a blender and a slice of pepperoni pizza for some reason), I was professionally tested, and diagnosed, with mild Aspergers Syndrome. In retrospect, it makes at least some sort of sense, and helps put my failure-filled life in perspective. However…it also eradicates any fucking hope I had left. Now I know that, whatever I do, I will never really have any chance of succeeding at the things I really want, will probably never find a girlfriend, will probably be an antisocial loser no matter how hard I try, and should just blow my fucking brains out and be done with it. I mean, sure, being an aspie has some good points, but what is the point when the negatives outweigh and destroy anything you could hope to achieve?
D… I understand what you are feeling, but I can assure you its not the end of the world.
Yes, it seems to be a stigma, but all it is is a different way of looking at things. A different set of eyes looking at the world, and everything around it.
And, before you accuse me that I don’t know what I am talking about, I am high-functioning autistic, which is often compared to Asperger’s. So, I can assure you, life will not be any less enjoyable or change how you enjoy things.
It will just change, in the long run, how you look at them.
My understanding is that Aspergers is a description for a wide variety of symptoms, not necessarily attributable to a single cause. When a doctor says you have Aspergers, he’s basically saying you have symptoms x, y and z. So <i>all he’s telling you is what you already know</i>: that you have behavioral tendencies. Aspergers isn’t an excuse; it’s not even a reason. It’s a positivist description. At best, it tells you how people with similar symptoms have been successfully treated.
What I’m driving at: you’re the same person you’ve always known yourself to be, with the same potentials and the same aptitudes and fallibilities.
To approach this differently, I’ve looked at descriptions of every mental disorder out there. I’m almost always able to say, “Well, during such period, I would’ve qualified as {manic-depressive, schizophrenic, Asperger-autistic, whatever}!” And it doesn’t mean a fucking thing, because all it’s telling me is what I already knew: I acted in a certain way, arbitrarily characterized as disorderly. It takes a boring person, to be able to say, “I’ve never experienced <i>any</i> of the symptoms associated with any mental disorder!”
I read an article about people with Aspergers the other day. There’s a high concentration of them in the Silicon Valley area, ostensibly due to nerds hooking up. The gist of the article is that all of a sudden, natural selection is beginning to favor people with those mental qualities (systematic, introspective, easily absorbed), because they tend to become computer scientists and engineers and make ridiculous amounts of money. Money is attractive; this leads to reproductive success. If you’re convinced that you have to “live the Aspergers life” (whatever that means), and you’re really sure you can’t become the person you want to be (an idea I find ridiculous), move to Silicon Valley and marry some computer programmer chick and make a lot of money. No nonsense please about it being too late to get the right degree.
Finally, you’ve been diagnosed with “mild Aspergers.” That’s the mental equivalent of “mild asthma.” It’s not a big deal. <i>Real</i> autism is major; Aspergers is minor; mild Aspergers? Probably half the people on this board could’ve gotten doctors to diagnose them with “mild Aspergers” at some point. I wouldn’t concern myself over it.
Dude, seriously, cut the melodrama. I admit I don;t have aspergers, but I have enough other mental issues that I can say you are blowing this way out of proportion. If you want to kill yourself over a MILD case of a mental disorder, then go ahead. I’ll be sad if you go, but only because you killed yourself over something so retarded. You’re better than this.
My best friend has mild Asperger’s, and he’s the most shamelessly/awesomely/totally outgoing/bright/friendly guy I know. Please, don’t be so hard on the situation- it is, quite frankly, a dumb mindset to have. This is not the end of the world, or your world, or anything in general.
Anyway. Pretty much what everyone else said. [STRIKE]Cheer up, emo kid.[/STRIKE] You’re everything you were before you found out, only now there’s a label stuck on it.
What everyone else said. Don’t look at it so bleakly. If anything, this diagnose should give you a way to DEAL with your problems. You can find others with the same kinds of troubles and talk to them, look at how you’re doing and figure out ways to counter bumps in the road.
As X Wing said: “he’s basically saying you have symptoms x, y and z. So all he’s telling you is what you already know: that you have behavioral tendencies. Aspergers isn’t an excuse; it’s not even a reason”.
Basically, it is a description of your inability to form normal interactions and relationships with other people and part of the reason as to why you can’t. A lot of what psychology does is establish arbitrarily what the norm should be and it starts to pathologize everything that doesn’t fall within that variant.
You can accept that someone label you like this or you can accept you have deficiencies that you can work on. If anything, this puts into focus why you can’t get a girlfriend more than why you won’t get a girlfriend. Its a subtle, but important nuance.
As for Silicon Valley and natural selection, you would have to prove that that whatever these nerds and their children have has a transmissible, genetic basis for it and that the trait in question is highly penetrant to make that claim. If anything, I could argue that socially maladjusted nerds raise socially maladjusted children (environment, not genes).
Yeah, Aspergers seems like the “vogue” term for nerds these days, I hadn’t even heard it until recently but now it’s popping everywhere. Sort of reminds me of when all problem kids were “hyperactive” and were given drugs to quiet down; isn’t that looked down on now?
I myself am going through some health-related anxiety, d. After all these years I still don’t know the cause of my seizures; the fact I remember nothing about them doesn’t make me feel better, it only worries me about their long-term effects. My short-term memory is definitely shot these days, and I’ve started to misspell words as well! I’ve been forced to swallow my pride and finally file for help from the government as a ‘disabled’ person (though my perennial lack of money also had to do with it.)
But as I explained the other day, I’m NOT letting this, or anything else, get to me. I have only one life and nobody knows how much time left to live (nor do you) so why worry about tomorrow? Maybe I’ll get hit by a car and die for something totally unrelated to my circumstances. Who knows? That’s why I focus on what I have and not on what I don’t, when things get bad I just remind myself of how worse they could be, and just enjoy as much of Life as I can right now. I recommend you do the same.
(Of course, venting is a good way to get stress out. Go ahead and whine here or anywhere else- just remember to forget about it afterwards and get on with your life. )
Yeah, Aspergers seems like the “vogue” term for nerds these days, I hadn’t even heard it until recently but now it’s popping everywhere. Sort of reminds me of when all problem kids were “hyperactive” and were given drugs to quiet down; isn’t that looked down on now?
Yeah. So much of modern psychology is just demonizing what was considered beforehand to be acceptable variations in human personality. Nerds have ‘Asperger’s Syndrome’; people who are shy have ‘Avoidant Disorder’; assholes have ‘Anti-Social Disorder’; typically moody adolescent girls have ‘Bipolar Disorder’. And on and on.
With Asperger’s, I think a lot of it has do with parents who are in denial. They don’t like the fact that their kids prefer videogames to socializing and going to parties, so they want to believe the kids suffer from some kind of disease that can be treated and explained away to relatives and friends.
Anyway, in my opinion, abnormal tendencies can’t really be cured, only moderated to an extent where they don’t scare people. Instead of trying to change your personality to get what you want, work with it and moderate it. Tone down the negative parts and emphasize your strong points. Spend time around other people so you get sensitived to the kind of stuff that’s off-putting, and train yourself not to do those things. At the same time, seek out environments that reward your strong points, instead of trying to adapt to environments that will never really accept you. Its unrealistic to think you’ll ever become a fun and laid-back girl magnet; but you probably can moderate yourself enough to find some sort of niche in society. Easier said than done, I guess, but its pointless and impossible to try to change your fundamental personality.
As for getting a girlfriend, sorry bud, I don’t have any advice or wisdom for you in that regard.
Don’t throw in the towel, d. Thinking that you won’t be able to accomplish the stuff you like is the greatest disservice you can do to yourself. After all, the diagnosis gives you extra information. Go get pissed with a friend to remove the initial bad feelings.
Possibly helpful link? Read about it somewhere else and one of the most recent forum topics is about Nintendo
In mother soviet russia, you don’t control Asperger’s. Asperger’s controls YOU.
So don’t let yourself or your life be dictated by any label/ disease/ whatever. Self- fulfilling prophecies are ungood, so do your best and prove the system wrong. It’s your life, it’s in your hand.
…That, and you probably should avoid mother soviet russia.
Didn’t the professional who tested you let you know about your treatment/coping options?
Also, I don’t know if this makes you feel any better, but I’ve had a lot of social troubles over the course of my life, and I’m pretty sure that I don’t have any disorder I can blame them on. (I do have tendencies of avoidant personality disorder, but I’ve never been tested, and honestly I don’t care any more about giving my problems a “label”.)
Just remember that there are always options. There are always things you can do to better yourself and your situation. Honestly it sounds like your biggest problem right now is depression, not Asperger’s itself.
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